Hello, I am feeling sorry for myself tonight. Don't know exactly why. Meds not working maybe. Too much Pinot Grigio. Could be both, except, I felt the same way yesterday afternoon and I wasn't drinkinig. It all started when I picked my son up from preschool. I observed the moms,
as they got out of their cars, talking to one another and I noticed some where waiting outside each others cars so they could walk together to the door to pick up their kids together. The only reason why I noticed these particular moms was because I had recently been to a Mom and children scrapbooking evening with 2 of them at one of their houses. They invited me to it, so thats good, right?, While I was there I kind of felt like I do around most local moms, left out. I hate to start from the beginning, so I'll try and make it short. I've been living in Vermont for 13 years and only over the past few years have I been interested in finding new female friends. I have found it a challenge on many levels. I find I am older than most moms of young children, 38, I find that most moms I meet are from here, and already have enough friends,Or I live way too out in the boonies for them to care to socialize with me. What happened yesterday that set my mood off, is that one of the moms that was supposed to call me with some info, didn't, and when I saw her she made no attempt to explain or even say hello to me. It made me feel like I was in High School again, I don't want to be there again. I don't want to worry about what people think of me and yet I want girlfriends. My husband is my best friend and I can talk about anything with him and he always understands and loves me for who I am. Why else is he with me after 10 years? So why do I care if some local moms like me? Why waste my energy and time worrying about what they think of me. I shouldn't take if personal right? People like me, my co-workers think I am funny. I have a friend who goes out to dinner with me and a movie once in a while. I have old friends who like me and my husband, who' s most important likes me and thinks I am funny. I am funny, and I am loveable damnit!
Friday, November 10, 2006
Shaggy picked me up after work the other day. He said "I'm riding in the front" and he proceded to open the rear passenger door for me and then assisted me in. He told me his mother would be driving. I said "OK". We drove to his moms house and we hung out with Shaggy's little brothers and mom for a while, then he took me to his neighbors house. His neighbor was a middle age women who apparently is in some "trouble with the law" and Shaggy was helping her out around the house and with her 2 kids lately. After a while we decided to go to the toy store for some Holiday gifts for the kids. So Shaggy and I wandered the aisles looking at the latest new toys.
Suddenly he turns toward me and leans in close like he is going to kiss me and says "so what time do you want me to pick you up on Sunday?"
"Well, you do know I'm married, right?" I replied, "I guess we could just hang out, two oclock is good."
I woke up.
What? I had Shaggy, a man I have had a crush (non-psychotic, non-stalker type) on since 1993, in my dream, making a pass at me and I told him I was MARRIED! What is wrong with me? What kind of person shows that kind of moral restaint in a DREAM? Its not like my husband would tell Sandra Bullock or Cameron Diaz HE was married. I tried in vain to return to my wonderful fantasy dream where I could do or Shaggy could do to me, whatever obscene pleasurable things we wanted to do, but alas, I failed. Shaggy is all about the ladies. Damn!