Saturday Sounds 26 or High School Dance

I heard this band on the radio tonight on two different stations. I remember dancing to this song at my first high school dance,which was held in the stifling, every surface layered with years of stagnant hormones, high school gym. It was 1982 and I was in ninth grade.

I wonder what songs my daughter will dance to this year and will they still be played on the radio in 20 years?

What songs do you remember from high school?

Lochte Wannabee

She spreads her legs for anybody, but Willow is just looking for a belly rub, at least that's what I think. She might also be a whore.

Either way, she's still the best dog ever!

In the past, I never understood why people made such a fuss over dogs. I always thought they were smelly and annoying and even though Willow is both, I get it now.

She's so loving and smart and will do anything for attention. She learns tricks/commands fairly easily with positive reinforcement and of course treats. This summer we decided to see if she could swim. Well, of course she can. And she loves it. The first few times someone had to push gently assist her into the pool, but now she jumps in and out all by herself. She even uses the ladder. Not once has she tried to get out without it. She swims around and around in circles and brings herself back to the ladder, only to push herself off again. She's like an Olympian dog.

Look at Lochte, I mean Lipka go...

That's for gold, baby!

Saturday Sounds 25 or A Sign?

I was driving home from work one night around midnight and I was obsessing about-big surprise- my search for my birth parents. Specifically I was wondering if my mother was dead. I know, I'm morbid sometimes.

This song came on and I was singing along to it even though I don't remember ever hearing it before that night, and, well, a rabbit ran across the road in front of my car.

Really, as I was singing "like a rabbit in your headlights" a rabbit was in my headlights. I slammed on my brakes and thought, what the hell does that mean? There's a lot of rabbits in Vermont? Yes.(I've witnessed many suicides.) (Fortunately, that night I was able to stop in time.) Nothing? Probably. Or does it mean something more? When I was younger I definitely would have thought it was something more. But as I get older I get more skeptical about all "that"stuff.

Either way I like the song.

So Why am I so Damn Short?

The social worker told me my file is the smallest she's ever seen. It contains mostly information on my adoptive parents, very little on my birth parents. Even less is the information she can legally give me.

So after 5 years of on and off active searching for my bio family, I finally have a small, very small bit of non-identifying information about my birth parents. In the letter from the social worker...

"Your birth mother was twenty-two years old. She stood five feet, six inches tall and weighed one hundred twenty-three pounds, with fair skin, brown hair and brown eyes. She was a college graduate who had majored in science. Your birth father was also twenty-two years old. He stood five feet, ten inches tall with a medium frame, and had light brown hair, brown eyes, and a medium complexion. He had graduated from college with a major in business administration."

Science? Really? I majored in art, psychology and then nursing and my hobbies are crafting and writing. Also, I always thought at least one of my parents would be short. Most likely I have a tall skinny sister. Bitch. (It doesn't say, but I bet her hair is straight too!)
 There is some good news. The social worker told me that my birth mothers name is in my file. She said "you don't know how bad I wish I could tell it to you." At least now I know continuing to pursue the opening of my sealed record will lead me to a name.

What I plan on doing next is searching lists of college alumni with science majors in 1966-68. A needle in a haystack? Probably. But how many women could there have been in the 60's majoring in science? Also,there is a college near where I was born that has a big science school. Rennselaer Polytechnic Institute or RPI. I've tried to find lists online of alumni, but you have to be an alumnus of the school to search. I plan on calling the school to see if there are lists the public can view.

I'm also going to re-petition the court (first petition denied) for a different reason than the first and have my adoptive parents petition too. If these fail then I'm going to hire an attorney recommended by the Mass Department of Children and Families to help me.

Any suggestions? Anyone know an RPI alumnus?

Ahh, Romance

Every once in a while I read or hear something that's so romantic I wonder what it would be like if my husband spoke or sang words like that to me.


For example, what if Hus said this to me...
**"Sometimes I have the strangest feeling about you. Especially when you are near me as you are now. It feels as though I had a string tied here under my left rib where my heart is, tightly knotted to you in a similar fashion. And when you go to Ireland, with all that distance between us, I am afraid that this cord will be snapped, and I shall bleed inwardly."**Edward Rochester

Instead of this...
"Before you leave for New Jersey, don't forget to get that tick off Summer (cat)." Hus

Or this...
**"...My nightmares are usually about losing you...I'm okay once I realize you're here."**Peeta Mellark

Instead of this...
"I had nightmares last night, must have been the spicy chicken wings."Hus


Or this...
**"I have died everyday waiting for you. Darlin' don't be afraid. I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more."**Christina Perri


Instead of this...
"Wow! We've been married how long? Man, that's a really long time." Hus


This...
**"When I asked my da how ye knew which was the right woman, he told me when the time came, I'd have no doubt. And I didn't. When I woke in the dark under that tree on the road to Leoch, with you sitting on my chest, cursing me for bleeding to death, I said to myself 'Jamie Fraser', for all ye canna see what she looks like, and for all she weighs as much as a good draft horse, this is the woman.'"***James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser

Instead of...
"I was watching you from across the bar and my friend said "Dude, check her out, she's hot." So I ditched the girl I was with so I could be with you."Hus

This...
**"We could do it you know...Run off. Live in the woods. You and I, we could make it...If we didn't have so many kids."** Gale Hawthorne

Or...
"Want to go for a ride around the swamp in my truck like we used to when we first started dating?"Hus


Don't get me wrong, my Hus is very sweet and loving. He tells me he loves me everyday.  If he suddenly started speaking in romantic verse,  I'd think he lost his mind. (Or was trying to get me into bed.)(Heh heh)


Just one more from the oh so sweet Peeta...

"I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you,"  

Willow

Because I'm always really busy and tired, I thought it would be great to get a puppy.
So, one night after drinking a lot of wine I Googled for puppies and spontaneously filled out an application to adopt one.

Within two weeks gorgeous 8 week old Sheltie/Australian Shepherd mix puppies became available to adopt. Being that I have never had a dog before, I did a bit of research and discovered that these two breeds are very smart and usually make good pets. We chose one of the females and named her Willow. We have been very lucky with Willow in that she is extremely smart and also very loving. I never would have guessed I could love a dog so much.

Em with Willow shortly after bringing her home last August...

Tony and Willow...

Because a dog must be tortured with hair accessories... 

Will loves Summer...

Wondering if those mushrooms are edible...

  Did I say gorgeous...

And also gorgeous...

Will won't mind sharing her bed...

Sweet dreams Willow.










And just last week, still gorgeous...

Dear Mr. Postal Worker

Everyday I get asked the same three questions. How are your kids? How's your dog? How's your search going for you biological family? Since nobody really cares how someone's kids are and people really only want to see pictures of your dog, I'll answer the last question by sharing with you a letter I wrote to my postman. (I have a feeling many of you would rather see pictures of my dog, sorry, I promise to share some next time.)

Dear Mr. Postman, AKA Mr. Postal Worker, AKA Jack,

I'm writing you this letter for a few different reasons. First I want to express my thanks for all your hard work. You really do work through all sorts of bad weather conditions, faithfully delivering my precious snail paper mail everyday, except Sunday and federal holidays, of which there are many. Not that you don't deserve all these days off, you do.

I also want you to know I hope that the proposed cuts in jobs and pay for postal workers doesn't happen. I really don't think you make too much money and I wish I could have Sundays and any holiday off too.

But the main reason I'm writing you is because I want you to know that I am expecting a very important letter. This letter has the potential to change my life.

On December 2nd I mailed a petition to the court in Massachusetts where my final adoption took place requesting the opening of my sealed adoption record. If granted, it should give me access to my original birth certificate. There are so many reasons, reasons I've written about in my blog, I need/want my original birth certificate and feel it should be my human right to have it. It's up to a judge now whether I will be granted this request and expect the decision to be mailed to me when it's reached.

Needless to say, December is not a great time to expect mail. With all the holidays and such. There are also a lot of holidays in January and February too. I did call the court to make sure they received the petition and they did, but apparently courts also get federal holidays off.

So I check my mail box everyday, including Sundays and holidays (because mail might have stuck to the top of the inside of my mailbox on Saturday) for the reply from the judge.

Well, thanks again for all of your hard work. Email is faster, but at least you don't deliver any daemons to me. However, if you could also not leave me Christian mail I would appreciated it. I know they are just worried about my soul, but since I am Jewish, there's really no worries.

Sincerely,
Heidi (AKA the lady with the cute dog who would never bite you)

Addendum: I might bite the postman but my sweet dog never would...see comments!

Summer's Over, Darn

We did have a lot of fun though.

Jumping in the pool!

Performing water ballet!

Jumping at the Jersey Shore!

Playing in the sand at the Jersey Shore.

Growing beautiful flowers.

Starting to build a greenhouse.

Making flower arrangements.

I wish Summer wasn't over; I had a lot of fun with the family. However, I'm really glad school has started.

43 Year Old Vermont Woman Arrested for Attempted Breaking and Entering into the NYS Vital Records Office...

Police Beat_

Albany County NY_

Heidi L., a 43 year old Vermont woman was arrested Monday for attempted breaking and entering into the New York State Vital Records Office, located at 800 North Pearl Street, Menands, NY.

The woman was allegedly trying to obtain a copy of her own original birth certificate.

Her efforts were thwarted by a passerby, who becoming mildly alarmed, shouted "Damn, woman, what's wrong with you? You'll never bust into that building with just a JC Penney Platinum credit card.!"

To which, according to the eyewitness, the woman started crying and mumbling something about, not having an "original birth certificate" and not knowing who she is!

The witness, fearing this woman might be insane, called the police and reported what was happening. He then handed the woman a paper bag containing a half drunk bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, stating "you look like you could use a drink." then fled the scene before police arrive.

Later, a photo sent anonymously was tagged to the local police departments Facebook page.


Heidi L. was arraigned in Menands Village Court and released after paying a $30 fine, coincidentally the same amount it would cost for her to get a copy of her birth certificate, if it was in fact available to her.

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For those of you that don't know me, I'M KIDDING! For those of you that do know me, you know I've seriously contemplated this course of action!
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Click on the label "adoption" below to read more about my search for my birth family.
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I recently joined the online support group NY Adoptees. If you were born/adopted in NY or know someone who is adopted, please join.

Are You My Mama?

I called the PI, twice. Finally she got back to me via email. She claims that my case is still open and they are still searching for my biological family. The problem they are having is that my information states that I was born in one state, New York, and was adopted in another, Massachusetts.

Neither state is willing to give me even my non-identifying information. Which they both would give, if I had been born and adopted in one of those states. But not both!

I already knew this. I was denied the ability to even register as an adoptee in these states which means any bio family would be denied also. But I've already written about this issue in past posts.

Still frustrated and annoyed.

So tonight I'm going to start searching online for a new PI. Then tomorrow I'm going to call some and see if I can't find any with the ability or experience, to break through these barriers.

The only good thing about the PI I have now, is that I haven't had to pay anything. I have a set fee contracted to pay only when they find someone living in my bio family. Name, address, phone number.

Again, any suggestions?

Who Do You Think I Am?

I've never watched the show Who Do You Think You Are. I am unable to not get upset, even during commercials for those types of TV shows. It's not like they are doing anything extraordinary. The actors know who they are, they know their names and their parents names, things every human being has a right to know.

I just want to know my name.

I try not to be bitter or angry about famous people getting free -and of course themselves being paid-help finding their ancestry. That's just life, and sometimes life isn't fair.

Yes, my search for my biological family is still the one thing that makes me feel sorry for myself. It's the one thing that can cause me to cry spontaneously.

I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I just want help. Because of the unusual details of my adoption, I don't even know how to continue with my search. The usual paths don't seem to apply to me.

But I've decided to try and take a more active part in my search. So for my next blog posts, I'm going to write about at least one thing I've done to search.

Any suggestions will be appreciated.
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Today I called the PI I hired 2 years ago. In the beginning, I would email her every week, then every month, then a year went by, nothing. I emailed her about six months ago and she did say not to give up, that my case was taking longer than usual..

So now it's been over 2 years and I decided to call instead of email. I reached the founder of the PI agency, told her my name and asked if she was still working on my case. She told me that she was not in the office, but would get back to me tonight after 4. Sure.

I'm going to try and not cry.

I'll update as soon as she calls me back.
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If you want to find out more about my adoption search story, click on the label 'Adoption' below.

At Least Someone is Having Fun this Winter

I can't wait for Winter to be over! Hopefully Spring will bring me some much needed energy and enthusiasm to write.

At least Tony has been having a blast, at least a daily, tubing on our land.

From the top...



From the bottom...




Happy Valentine's Day, Lovers!

The 12 Days of Hus's Unemployment

Sung to the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas


On the first day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
A dust free wood stove mantle.

On the second day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Two batches no-bakes,
and A dust free wood stove mantle.

On the third day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Three french loaves,
Two batches no-bakes,
and A dust free wood stove mantle.

On the fourth day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Four calling friends,
Three french loaves,
Two batches no-bakes,
and A dust free wood stove mantle.

On the fifth day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Five more coo-ookiiiieeeees!
Four calling friends,
Three french loaves,
Two batches no-bakes,
and A dust free wood stove mantle.

On the sixth day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Six clean basement shelves,
Five more coo-ookiiiieeeees!
Four calling friends,
Three french loaves,
Two batches no-bakes,
and A dust free wood stove mantle.

On the seventh day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Seven shoveled pathways,
Six clean basement shelves,
Five more coo-ookiiiieeeees!
Four calling friends,
Three french loaves,
Two batches no-bakes,
and A dust free wood stove mantle.

On the eighth day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Eight oatmeal cookies,
Seven shoveled pathways,
Six clean basement shelves,
Five more coo-ookiiiieeeees!
Four calling friends,
Three french loaves,
Two batches no-bakes,
and A dust free wood stove mantle.

On the ninth day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Nine bowls chicken soup,
Eight oatmeal cookies,
Seven shoveled pathways,
Six clean basement shelves,
Five more coo-ookiiiieeeees!
Four calling friends,
Three french loaves,
Two batches of no-bakes,
and A dust free wood burning stove mantle.

On the tenth day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Ten loads of laundry,
Nine bowls chicken soup,
Eight oatmeal cookies,
Seven shoveled pathways,
Six clean basement shelves,
Five more coo-ookiiiieeeees!
Four calling friends,
Three french loaves,
Two batches of no-bakes,
and A dust free wood burning stove mantle.

On the eleventh day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Eleven meatballs cooking,
Ten loads of laundry,
Nine bowls chicken soup,
Eight oatmeal cookies,
Seven shoveled pathways,
Six clean basement shelves,
Five more coo-ookiiiieeeees!
Four calling friends,
Three french loaves,
Two batches of no-bakes,
and A dust free wood burning stove mantle.

On the twelfth day of unemployment, my husband gave to me...
Twelve pounds protruding (from my belly)
Eleven meatballs cooking,
Ten loads of laundry,
Nine bowls chicken soup,
Eight oatmeal cookies,
Seven shoveled pathways,
Six clean basement shelves,
Five more coo-ookiiiieeeees!
Four calling friends,
Three french loaves,
Two batches of no-bakes,
and A dust free wood burning stove mantle.

Poor Hus.

Thinking of Summer

I've never been an outdoors person. Mostly because for me to actually want to go outside, the weather has to be perfect; Low 80's with low humidity and calm winds. That doesn't happen that often in Vermont...or anywhere!I also have to have something specific to do outside. Mostly I enjoy lounging outside if the weather is nice.

If the kids are home, I have to force myself, to avoid the guilt of being a lazy ass mother, to go outside to play with them. I'm proud of myself that today I did just that. I went outside with Tony in the snow storm, walked around, measured snow inches, made a snow angel and sat inside our tree house a bit. Little time passed and I returned inside and started drinking wine. (Still drinking, so forgive my grammar and spelling errors, please!)

Occasionally I also get these creative ideas which bring me outside. Today I thought I should take pictures of the bright red male cardinals against the sparkly white snow, but when I finally brought the camera outside, the cardinals had departed. I did get this photo of an English Sparrow (actually I took it from inside) perched on our "thingy hanger" on the porch.



And a picture of fluffy Summer sitting on the porch. He was outside less time than me!

Once, when Em was a baby, I decided it would be a wonderful idea to take pictures of her outside surrounded by all of Hus's flowers. It worked out while she was on the porch. Soo pretty! ( I think those larkspur are poisonous, oops)


But then I decided I would put her, still in her bouncy seat, on the hillside in an actual flower bed. Well, of course she started screaming, and then bouncing and then flipping herself over...

I managed to snap this photo before dropping the camera and throwing myself down to catch her before she landed face first in the flowers.

I felt like such a horrible mother that day, thinking, OMG, how could I have been so careless? She could have died! Over a silly picture!

Now I think it was pretty funny.

This Winter can't go by fast enough. I know you're not supposed to rush time away because you only have so much, but I am already sick of winter. Luckily, time has been flying by and the weather hasn't been so bad. So far.

Ya, I don't want to hear that I chose to live here. I know, and for the most part I do like it here. I just really really don't like winter weather. Snow is okay but last year we had so many ice storms it was scary. I'll even take sleet over freezing rain because at least your tires have something to grip on.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I had a fun time at the SIL's house. I drank half of the bottle of wine shown below, which is a double size bottle! I would have drank more but I started to get tired.

We played a game called The Game of Things. It was pretty funny. Mostly because everyone was drinking alcohol (there was one relative on parole that couldn't drink). I mean the grown-ups were drinking alcohol. The kids were just smoking pot...JUST KIDDING!

I got the best gifts ever...


a giant wine glass, a giant cheap bottle of wine, home-made book marks-which I had to beg the kids to make-because I'm always losing them and have to use tissue as a page marker-and hand sanitizer.

Tony's favorite gifts by far...


giant plastic shelves to sort his legos, and hand sanitizer.


Em...


got another book.

Papa got an over-sized fluffy blanket. For which he announced that if anyone is caught using it, he'll break their arms! He's vicious. So are we, because we laughed at him.

Happy almost New Year!

Miscellaneous Manure 13

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I love playing tricks on my Hus. A few weeks ago, I refilled an empty bottle of unscented lotion with rose scented lotion. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. Finally I asked Hus if he noticed anything about the lotion and that's when he told me he doesn't use lotion! He uses baby oil after showers and Burts Bee's hand cream. How could I not know this?

Last week, I was doing what I could to prevent my having allergy symptoms. I bought all new hypoallergenic make-up, but forgot to get new face lotion, so I decided to try using some of the regular unscented lotion we had, which said hypoallergenic on the label.

I put it on my face. AAAHHHHH! WTF? I forgot that I had switched the lotion. I'm such a loser.

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Tony has been taking karate this year. He managed to get is orange belt already. He loves karate. Tony didn't like playing baseball because he's the type of kid that needs to know what to do, exactly what to do. None of the 7yo baseball players seemed to know what to do except hit the ball and run. As far as what to do with the ball if someone hits it to you, no clue.

He likes that, in Karate, he's taught very specific moves and routines. It's structured and the Sensei is strict, yet very nice and patient.

When we watched Tony perform for his orange belt, I said to Hus. "He seems to really know what he's doing."

Hus replied "Well, we think he does. She could be teaching whatever she wants and we'll never know if it's really karate or not.LOL!"
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I've changed the kids nicknames to other nicknames we use. Someone (Suzy) complained that Ant-1 didn't roll of her tongue easy enough and that Snemma makes her think of "smegma"! Also Em does not like me to call her Snemma here, preferring her other nickname Em. So Tony and Em it is.
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Happy Hanukkah! Still!

Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah! Yes the first night of Hanukkah is tonight, but because I have to work, we celebrated last night. Poor kids, having to get their first night presents early.

I grew up in a predominately non-Jewish neighborhood. The only time my friends were jealous of me was when Hanukkah came early. The rest of the year, I think they felt sorry for me. I felt sorry for me.

Even though my parents had told me a "truth" about Santa at a very young age, I still believed, because kids do that. Some Xmas Eves I would look out the window, searching the sky, and wondering why the fat bastard didn't come to my house!

My kids are fortunate to celebrate both holidays. They don't get more presents than any of their friends, but the gifts are just spread out.

Last night we lit the candles and we said the Hanukkah prayer in Hebrew. At least I think it was the Hanukkah prayer, maybe it was the Sabbath prayer with a "shell Hanukkah" thrown in at the end. Bad Jew.

Grandma always sends eight presents each to the kids, luckily one of them was not a visit from her this year. We just saw her at TG!

Ant-1's gift from Hus and I, although Hus will never know how much I spent on it, even though I saved $30 off retail by shopping Amazon! Lego's are very expensive, but my son loves them. He has many of the Star Wars Lego kits and know covets the Harry Potter ones.



Don't let the quote fool you. She also upgraded her phone, but we had to do it last week when we could bring in her old phone.

For the first evening in a long time, my daughter spent her time, not on FB or Skype, but drawing instead.

I hope, no matter what holiday you celebrate, that you get a present that takes your breath away!

You Shouldn't Eat Family on Thanksgiving

Grandma, my mother, is here for Thanksgiving. She has somehow managed to make it a tradition that she stay two nights for the holiday instead of one. I know that wasn't my idea.

I shouldn't really complain. She keeps Ant-1 busy her entire stay by doing anything he wants. Hide in Seek, board games, cards. I tried to warn her about the playing cards before they started today, that he is not a very good loser, and he doesn't like to playing by the rules, but she let him win.

I also shouldn't complain about grandma because she just handed me a $50 bill. She said it's for the turkey and other food I bought. I'm not going to tell her I got the $7 turkey for free. Actually, I got two turkeys for free. Except they were not really free because I had to spend $500 TWICE to get them.

I spend way too much money on groceries.

Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving, and don't have to cook a family member.

Poor Big Bird.

Saturday Sounds 24 or Do You Love Me?

I love this song. It makes me happy.




Hus hates this song because it gets stuck in his head and he can't stop himself from singing it out loud at times. (I heard him in the shower!)

Ant-One likes the video because the band is wearing long underwear.

Snemma could care less either way.

The Cow That Was Mad

In previous posts, I have shared some of my daughters writings. Ant-One has only been writing a short time but has already written several stories. This is one of his earliest works but still one of my favorites.

The Cow That Was Mad

one day thar was a cow that was so mad. that he rect the gate. that was rite in frent of him. when the farmr got home he was so mad that he sole the cow.


Note the drawing on the bottom of the page of the cow being auctioned off! Batman is clearly being outbid by some anonymous dude on the stage to the right. What would Batman want with a cow anyways?