Miscellaneous Manure 13

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I love playing tricks on my Hus. A few weeks ago, I refilled an empty bottle of unscented lotion with rose scented lotion. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. Finally I asked Hus if he noticed anything about the lotion and that's when he told me he doesn't use lotion! He uses baby oil after showers and Burts Bee's hand cream. How could I not know this?

Last week, I was doing what I could to prevent my having allergy symptoms. I bought all new hypoallergenic make-up, but forgot to get new face lotion, so I decided to try using some of the regular unscented lotion we had, which said hypoallergenic on the label.

I put it on my face. AAAHHHHH! WTF? I forgot that I had switched the lotion. I'm such a loser.

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Tony has been taking karate this year. He managed to get is orange belt already. He loves karate. Tony didn't like playing baseball because he's the type of kid that needs to know what to do, exactly what to do. None of the 7yo baseball players seemed to know what to do except hit the ball and run. As far as what to do with the ball if someone hits it to you, no clue.

He likes that, in Karate, he's taught very specific moves and routines. It's structured and the Sensei is strict, yet very nice and patient.

When we watched Tony perform for his orange belt, I said to Hus. "He seems to really know what he's doing."

Hus replied "Well, we think he does. She could be teaching whatever she wants and we'll never know if it's really karate or not.LOL!"
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I've changed the kids nicknames to other nicknames we use. Someone (Suzy) complained that Ant-1 didn't roll of her tongue easy enough and that Snemma makes her think of "smegma"! Also Em does not like me to call her Snemma here, preferring her other nickname Em. So Tony and Em it is.
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Happy Hanukkah! Still!

Miscellaneous Manure 12

*I've been taking Requip for a week now. I'm not sure if it's working or not. It seems that I have more trouble falling asleep initially,but then wake up more refreshed. I might also be sleeping better because of my exercising too. I'll give the med another week or two and see what happens. So far I haven't experienced any side effects. I'm just waiting to be visited by someone who isn't really here and I hope it's someone good.

*T started baseball tonight and all the helmets were too small for his head! He does have a big head.

*I joined the local gym four weeks ago. They were offering a 16 week weight loss special and because I must have been on drugs or something, I did it. So far I actually don't mind it. The gym is not a fancy hoity toity, skinny bitches wearing spandex, type gym. But more of a local, muscle dude, old lady and mommy wearing daddy's T-shirt, dirty punching bag hanging in back room (can't wait to try that!), type gym.

There are also fun signs located around the gym, for example:

"Squat till you puke!"

"Rack the weights! I wouldn't want to have to get your grandmother to do it."

There are also signs on each weight machine to tell an ignoramus like me, what they are.

*Do you Tweet? For those of you who don't, those that don't follow me, and those that don't know what Tweeting is, the following are some of my own favorite Tweets.

~I don't ever want to murder anyone, but if you taste almonds in my home made cookies, I've changed my mind.

~I don't agree with the "Family Table" commercials. We always eat together and our kids are still little assholes.

~6yo son told me "when I grow up, I want to be a writer and a draw-er, I'll be the next Dr. Seuss"

~Why is it I always feel guilty asking someone to return something they borrowed from me?

Thanks Suzy for Re-Tweeting!

*I've had some silly dreams lately. In one I was at the supermarket and a stranger kept trying to get me to buy a cantaloupe from him. The next day I was at the supermarket and the first thing I noticed was that the cantaloupes were on sale, so I bought one. Weird.

In another dream, Hus and I were traveling in Africa and we were helping out natives, living on a farm there and then we were trapped in flood waters until I woke up. Weird.

I also have dreams weekly where I am late for work, like hours late, or I'm at work but can't find my patients. Once I couldn't find my shoes, so I had to run across a field to the shoe store to buy some. Another time I showed up at work wearing a dress uniform. Weird.

Miscellaneous Manure 11

1. Bad Boy, Bad Boy, What Ya Gonna Do, What Ya Gonna Do When Mama Comes For You?

Our boy Summer has turned into a little bit of a bad boy. He disappears for entire nights, coming home dirty, dusty and sometimes scratched up a bit too. The first time he was gone over night, Hus and I thought he was a goner. There are Coyotes, Foxes and Bobcats around who would find him quite yummy.

After Summer was gone for over 18 hours, Hus looked at me with watery eyes and said,
"I hope he didn't suffer."
Summer came home around an hour later. Now we don't worry anymore.

A few times when I was driving home from work at around 1AM, I caught him more than a half mile away, hanging around with some hoodlum barn cats. Another time he was about a quarter mile from home and when I saw him, I called to him through an open car window; He ran alongside my car all the way home.

Summer also decided to make his own cat door for himself. Now, he can get in between the screen door and wood door and wait for someone to find him!



I don't know how he fits into the small space between doors. He is not a little thing.

2. Houses For Rent; Move In Ready!

Each year Hus adds more bird houses to our collection. Some of them we made, others he finds here or there.

Old Favorites

New Additions

Yes, that is a roasting pan. I did ask him if it was my grandmothers, but he says this one he found at the dump and changed it to a house.

I wonder who will move in?

Sleep Study

I'm spending the night, tonight, at the hospital for a sleep study. Not the hospital where I work. I have a personal policy that co-workers are not allowed to see any part of my naked body. I think that for the sleep study I can wear my own jammies, but the tech will have to attach some leads to my chest which may reveal some boobage.

Some preparations I've done for my overnight stay.

>Showered.
>Shaved.
>Trimmed my toenails and polished them- I think a wire needs to be attached to my ankle to check for restless leg syndrome. I wouldn't want to scare the tech with my 'winter toes'.
>Washed my new jammies.
>Typed a list of my meds.
>Checked for extra new facial hairs-leads need to be attached to my head and chin.
>Changed my pillow case-I don't have to use the hospital plastic pillows.
>Packed my extras along with usual overnight stuff, for example: Left hand carpal tunnel brace, tissues, can of Fresca, couple fig newtons (can't not have my bed time snacks!) two books, paper and pencil. I'll pack my laptop later so I can Tweet.

If you're thinking what a weirdo I am, imagine what my Hus thinks living with me. He's already had a good laugh about the extras I've packed.

"Are you going to pack your wrist splints?" He asked, waving his hands around like a monkey.
"Bite me!"
"Are you going to tuck tissues under your pillow?"
"Bite me!"
"The back scratcher?"
"Bite me!"
" Why don't you bring the cats too."
"Maybe I should, oh, and BITE ME!" Of course, I was laughing at myself by now. If you can't laugh at yourself, everyone else will anyways.

I'm going to try and stay away from caffeine after noon and gassy foods. I mean, snoring and drooling will be bad enough, I don't want to fart all night. I hope the recording is shut off when I am in the bathroom.

The reason I'm having this sleep study is because of fatigue. All you have to do to qualify, according to my insurance company, is to snore and be tired. If there is something wrong with my sleeping, hopefully I can be treated for it. And with more sleep, I'll have more energy and be able to exercise and maybe even lose a few pounds.

I'm afraid I'll sleep well at the hospital, even with all the wires attached to me because I won't have all the usual things to keep me awake. Maybe I should bring the cats-Cokee always has to sleep with me under the covers, the kids-when they talk in their sleep, I wake up. Oh and Hus because when he rolls over or breaths too loudly, I wake up. I wake up even with ear plugs and Lunesta!

As a side note: I put two new links on my side bar. One is to the short story I have in Reflections on Doctors. That link will take you to Amazon where you can read some of my story. I don't get paid if you buy the book, but there are some interesting nursing stories in it.My story is Laughing Too Hard To Care.
The second new link is at the top, for a new free E Book where one of my previous posts is included. It's free to download and has links to several funny blogs.

Miscellaneous Manure 10

I was nearly hit by a car in the parking lot of the grocery store today. I literally had to jump onto my cart and slide out of the way! I turned toward the driver swearing and she mouthed "I'm sorry". A witness to the almost accident told me I must "have a guardian angel". Do you believe in angels?

I've been watching The Vampire Diaries . It's not as good as the books but it's entertaining enough that I keep on watching. I've also been watching re-runs of Criminal Minds and House.

I have to read before I go to bed every night. Usually when the book falls out of my hand and hits the floor, I wake up and go to bed.

I think my bed is cursed. I never want to get in it at night and in the morning I don't want to get out.

I quit all of my games on Face book. They were taking up way too much time. It was hard because they are so stupidly addictive, but I did it.

I'm not making as many cookies and treats as I usually do this time of year. It's just so time consuming. Of course when I announced this I was told that I have to make certain things, like caramel candy for Hus and Gingerbread cookies for school... I'm not making Ginger Bread Houses this year, but I'm not going to mention this.

I finished Holiday shopping Early this year, but I haven't wrapped anything yet.

I'm thinking of applying to the Find My Family show. Have you seen it? Should I do it?

Keep warm.

Miscellaneous Manure Pt 9

Here's the kids on the first day of school. Notice the heads hung low because of their sadness. Ha, just kidding! I had them do it because Hus still doesn't like pics of the kids faces posted on my blog. I wasn't sad either.

E spent the summer doing sit-ups twice a day, swimming and running. Now she really looks like a pre-teen.

T spent the summer talking. I mean he did stuff too, just talked the whole time.


The cat's are getting along better now. Cokee, the Siamese Princess, doesn't hiss at Summer anymore but still doesn't seem to care much about him.

This is how I ruin a perfectly sexy cute nightgown. I wear it with my kitty cat socks.

Well, my feet were cold.

Boy, my knee's look really old. (Hey that rhymes!)

I have a new favorite TV show. I bought the first season of Supernatural on DVD because the show was recommended to me by several people. So far I love it, although I have a problem watching it because I spend a lot of time just trying to figure out which brother is cuter. Who has the nicer eyes? Hair? Chin? Lips? I usually can't make up my mind.

Do you understand the difficulty I face?

I won't be around any computers for a few days but then I'll be back to visit all of you.

Poor sex symbols.

Miscellaneous Manure Pt. 7

T returned to school on Thursday to a standing ovation from his fellow kindergartners. I spent Thursday in the ER with Hus because after 5 days of nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, coughing, fever etc, he was really dehydrated and I was really worried. They gave him fluids and anti-nausea medicine. They also did a CT scan of his head because he had a swollen right eye and they suspected a sinus infection. After 6.5 hours we went home with a prescription for antibiotics and anti-nausea medicine. I took him to the closest hospital instead of the one I work at, because I wasn't sure what they would find or if they would admit him. I was pleased that all the nurses were really nice. I apologized to them ahead of time for being a nurse and hopefully not their worst nightmare as a patients family member. I tried really hard not to speak for my husband but that didn't work very well.

Friday afternoon I got a call from work asking me if I wanted to stay home that evening because they weren't busy. HA! After being home the previous 6 days taking care of sick family, I needed to get out of the house to take care of sick people I didn't care about! At least I would get paid. Of course when I got to work, we were really busy and I kept wishing I had stayed home and taken a nap or something.

Everyone went back to work and school today, thank goodness. Not to try and make anyone feel sorry for ME, but having sick people home all day really screwed up MY routine. I know, I am selfish.

Contest Update: I haven't heard any news from the PI group. I am beginning to worry that my case may be too difficult to solve. I am going to email them tomorrow to see what's up. Either way I will pick a winner on March 31st.

WW Update: As of last Wednesday I have lost 19.4lbs. Yay me!

Miscellaneous Manure Pt. 6

I ended up spending a lot of time on my adoption on Monday and of course getting no where. I left messages for the person who I know was adopted through the same lawyer as me, but he hasn't called back yet. Maybe I don't have the right number or he doesn't remember me, it has been over 20 years since we've seen each other. Or maybe he thinks I'm crazy. I was careful not to use the "A" word (adoption) in messages. Even though I know this person knows they were adopted. Touchy subject nonetheless. I also sent my info to a private investigator for a free quote, but have not heard from them either. And I registered at a few more adoption registry sites.

Now I have another reason I put this search off. It take soooo much freaken time!

School was cancelled today because of the snow. We all stayed inside, nice and warm and did lazy but fun stuff together. I made a delicious brunch, sorry if pic makes you hungry. Those are chocolate chip pancakes in case you were drooling, I mean wondering. We also played Wii, made home-made Valentine cards and peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.


Speaking of cookies, as of last Wednesday, I have lost 14.8 pounds on Weight Watchers. I think I have lost more but didn't go weigh in today because of the weather.

Hus has a black eye. He hit himself in the head with a metal pipe at work. Okay, it's not that funny! He was stripping wire and somehow pulled and the pipe out and it came out faster than expected and hit him just above and to the right of his right eye. Poor Hus. Then the very same day, he lost his wallet. He was at Stewarts buying milk, left and went to get gas and realized his wallet was missing! He went back to Stewarts and of course it was gone. When he got home, I called and cancelled his Visa and JCPenney card. Luckily there was only about $20 cash in it. About 2 hours later that night, the police called and said someone had dropped off his wallet claiming they had found it in the parking lot of Stewarts, minus the cash. Poor Hus.

Thanks for all of your kind comments and emails regarding my last post. I'll update if and when I get more news.

Don't Say 'Vagina' at the Dinner Table

Happy Delurking Day everyone! I received an email from Shelly informing me that today is Delurking day. Even though the day is almost over, I hope everyone who stops by will leave a comment. Maybe I'll get some inappropriate comments because of the title. I hope so.

Some ridiculous things I have done this past week...

1) Burnt my forehead with my hair straightening iron. Burned it significantly, so people ask me what the hell did I do to my forehead.

2) Burnt my forehead a second time. I look retarded.

3) Noticed that there are heat settings on the iron and turned the heat down, finally.

4) Said "Vagina" at the dinner table. Luckily at home. Explanation follows.


Why I said Vagina.


T is in need of speech therapy. He has trouble with a few letters but mostly the teacher and I are concerned because sometimes he has a trouble getting whole sentences out. It's almost like a stutter but he repeats the beginning of a sentence over and over.

Anyways, when I told him he needed speech therapy, he asked "What's sweech farapy?" Heh heh.


The other night at dinner T exclaimed "This vagina is dewicious!"

I nearly spit out my wine.

"Did you just say vagina?" I asked.

To which E, turning bright red in the face, yelled "MOTHER! He said LASAGNA!"

So I turned to T and said "Thank you. It's meat loaf."

Miscellaneous Manure 2

Cokee is doing great and her ass still smells sweet!

T was sick this weekend with a fever over 104. First he threw up at pre-school camp on Friday. I brought him home and he was 101. No big. We napped, after he stopped crying about missing his Pirate party and play date with BFF. He drank okay but wouldn't eat solids. That night he had night terrors which scared the crap out of me. He was screaming and picking at things in the air, eyes wide open but still he was asleep. Saturday he was okay,but that night he spiked to over 104, at first hus took it and it was 105.1 but the tympanic thermometer is usually a degree higher than it really is. Hus put him in the pool, no help, he put him in the shower, no help. I came home early from work, but T will not take medicine no matter how hard we try. We can't hide it, he knows.We can't force it because he will gag and spit it out. Finally I gave him a suppository of Tylenol. He made me feel horrible about it after. "You hurt me mama" "You're a bad mama" "You don't love me" "Go away". I put ice on his head and his fever broke an hour later and Sunday he was all better!

Hus, kids and I went on our annual vacation to Surf City, New Jersey. The weather was great and the beach was like an episode of Baywatch. Every day we got to watch at least 2 life guard rescues. I particularly enjoyed watching the sun bleached blond hottie doing his thing. Hus seemed to enjoy the brunette, however, he thought she was neglecting potential rescues. Luckily no one was hurt. I bought E and T body wave boards and E really liked hers. T fell off his once and that was enough. There was a cool sand bar we were all able to swim to with smaller waves for the kids to surf in.

I have been busy transporting the kids back and forth to camps. E is at Girl Scout Camp this week and will be sleeping over tonight. I wonder if I could find a sleepover play date for T tonight...

I have also been busy working. More than the usual number of annoying sick people this summer.

I have been spending my ME time at night reading and watching TV series on DVD. I have finished the first 3 books in the Stephenie Meyer Twilight series and I am on the waiting list for the fourth at the library. Any of you reading it? Loving it? I seem to meet more and more people who are addicted to this series. I am part of a group of nurses who plan on going together to see the movie when it comes out in December. You can find out more about the books from my Shelfari bookshelf on my side-bar.For TV I am watching season 2 of Charmed and still not quite sure if I really like it or not. I am waiting for the second season of Angel to be delivered when it becomes available. I am totally addicted to that series now. It did take a while ,but now I love it.

We are having a Bikini Bottom birthday party for T's 5Th birthday Sunday. I drew pictures of the main characters from SpongeBob on poster board and the kids painted them. (It keeps them occupied for a short time!!) E asked if I was going to "fix T's?" I don't think so. We are going to swim, play "Pin the shorts on Patrick" and bust open a pinata.

I can't wait until school starts. Some days I just don't handle being with the kids very well. I even resort to Xanax occasionally. I find it hard to say "no" when they ask me to do something. I feel pulled in a million different directions sometimes. For example, the other night I was making supper and E wanted me to help paint her Girl Scout project, T wanted help with his Game boy, and I wanted to set up my new MP3 player. I somehow managed to do it all but dinner was at 7. Yes, hus was here but was mowing the lawn and gardening. Most evenings I just kick them both out so they can play,but sometimes they spend all day outside, they just don't want to go. That is until I go outside!!!

Miscellaneous Manure

(I drafted this May 7)

As I write this post, I am sitting on the sidelines of a grade school softball game. It’s E’s 10TH Birthday and as a way to be nice, (besides the presents, homemade strawberry shortcake, brownie pizza for school, friend over after school and upcoming sleepover party) I took her to her friends game. I am the only one not actually watching the game. E played last year but towards the end of the season she was hit in the face with a ball ending up with a bloody split fat lower lip. She is still afraid to play.

I am in a bad mood today, maybe because I am tired, but more likely because my period is due. I’ve been bitchy and short tempered with T all day, apologizing every other sentence. Right now I am thinking mean things about almost everyone I see. I would say everyone, but I did say Hello to one woman who I like. I can’t remember where I know her from, but I have a feeling that I liked her. Of course, as I sit here judging everyone else, I am the only one sitting by myself. I see a couple moms from my town but I don’t have anything in common with them and since I rarely talk to people just to have someone to talk to or to prevent myself from looking like a loser, I will stay sitting where I am and wave from a distance. I might also look less like a loser if I was typing on a Dell Notebook instead of writing in a black paper notebook with the words “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” on the cover in bright hot pink letters. My pencil is also pink. (Really the notebook and pencil are E’s)

Answers You’ve Been Dying to Know
1) In my Vermont Views 4 post, I asked what is missing from the picture of the mailbox. The person who came the closest to the correct answer was Amy Cates . What I was looking for was NEIGHBORHOOD. The sign says “Neighborhood Watch” but there are no neighbors! The owner of the mailbox doesn’t even live there. He put the sign up when he also put up a new mailbox after vandals smashed the first one. He is building something across the street from the box, but I can’t tell whether it is a garage or house yet. I am waiting for the police to come to my house and question me about the pictures I took.

2)In my post One of These Husbands is Not Like the Other the answer was B) Mullet. Fold my Laundry Please was the first to guess that one correctly. Yes my Hus had a mullet when I first met him. His hair was gelled and spiky on top and when I first saw him I thought(hoped) he was a British Rock Star! (Just slumming it in a dive bar in the country ya know) Don’t really know why I thought that. I can’t really judge hair as I did have a Mohawk once a long long time ago.

Oops, I am such a goof. I just noticed I am sitting on the wrong side of the field.