Sucker!

Before I blog about what a sucker I am, I'll follow up on my last blog. I realized quickly after waking up the next day in a great mood, what my problem was. The weather, I have known right along that my moods worsen in the winter. But lately they seem to be directly related to how much sun is out on any given day. During my Insecurity post we had a few days when the sun did not show throught the clouds at all. It would be one in the afternoon, and look like dusk outside, very depressing. The sun has been out since then, even just a little, and even though it is much colder outside, I still feel better. I am going to see my doctor and talk to her about either adding a med, or about the value of getting a S.A.D. lamp. Does anyone have any experience with them?
Anyways, back to why I am such a sucker! ( I am sure I am not alone in this) I was driving to the mall the other night. I left T with my husband and E at a Kids night out at the local college. Well, my mind started wandering, as usual, and I started to have a really bad feeling regarding this holiday season. Not the first time I have had these thoughts. "what a sham, I am on my way to spend all my "extra" money on a shitload of toys and junk, for my kids who already have a shitload of toys and junk! Just so they can feel good about themselves that Santa came and left them toys?" It seems so stupid. I also feel like I have to give them Hanukka presents as I am Jewish. My husband is not. I used to at least teach my daughtor about the religious aspects of the holidays, but since I had a bad experience with the local (only one within 30miles) Temple, I have even stopped that. I do need to do some spiritual searching, but who has time. So I get to the mall and forget all that I was thinking, because , though I hate to admit it, I LOVE TO SHOP! So of course I bought a shitload of toys and junk!Sucker, but whoo hoo, what fun. At least I didn't charge anything. Cash on the barrel or Debit on the barrel in this case, whatever that means. I do try and teach my kids to give thoughout the year, T is hard because he is only 3, E is getting better, she is 8. Every once in a while I have the kids go through there small toys and stuffed animals and we pick out what is good and washable and I donate them to the hospital where I work, we don't have many kid patients , but when we do it's nice to give them something. We also bring in stuffed animals from the Dollar Store. I do need to think of more things for us to do as a family but at least it's something.