Monday, December 31, 2007
Wait, this can't be right, I thought to myself, when I remember being much older in fourth grade. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. I always thought I was good at remembering what it was like being young, which I think is helpful when trying to understand my children, so how could I forget such an important thing? Denial? Wishful Thinking? My daughter is not too young to have a boyfriend, at least not the same kind of boyfriend I had when I was nine.
His first name was Alex and I don't remember his last name. We were both in 4Th grade and we were considered boyfriend and girlfriend for maybe a couple of months. I know it was 4Th grade because I also remember my sweeties from 5Th, 6Th and 7Th grade. My memory after 7Th starts to become a little fuzzy as that is when I started to smoke cigarettes, drink beer and smoke pot. I remember Alex would call me on the phone and we would talk. I have no idea what we talked about, but that and the occasional hand holding, was the extent of our relationship.
E still insists she doesn't have a crush on any boy, and only girls call her on the phone. But I guess I should be prepared for when the boys start calling.
E is also at the age where I am supposed to be talking to her about her body and the dreaded Period! I didn't think of that either until a girlfriend of mine told me that she got her period when she was nine. Uh Oh, I thought I would have a couple more years, but sadly, no. I'm a nurse so it is not hard for me to talk about bodily functions, but it is not easy for E to hear about stuff like that yet. She has always known about a Period, but never any specifics. So when I approached her, she was not immediately ready. I didn't force her to listen, I just told her that she can come to me with questions as she wishes.
Well, a few weeks after our initial talk, she did come to me. I told her what I could and as I did she got a horrified expression on her face and told me "That's all for now".
While I was shopping for Xmas gifts, I came across the book pictured below. It is a very easy to read, made for pre-pubescent girls, body book. It talks about all the body changes expected during puberty, not just periods. I read it and then gave it to E (not as an Xmas gift!) and told her she could read it if she wanted, then ask me questions.
She took the book and disappeared into her room for about 3 minutes, then came running out, slammed the book on the counter in front of me and yelled "THAT IS DISGUSTING, I WILL NEVER GET MY PERIOD!!!!" She hasn't mentioned it since, which is OK. At least she will not be shocked when she does get it. And have bitchy stuck up mean girls throw tampons on her in the girls locker room like I did, I mean Carrie did.
I have not even thought of how to approach the SEX talk. Since I was a virgin until marriage, I mean until I was 16, hopefully I have a few years to figure it out.
Monday, December 24, 2007
I thought I would share with you one of my favorite movie quotes ever, Christmas movie or not.
From the movie Christmas Vacation:
Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
Thanks Chevy for always making me laugh.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
I just read my hus this post and I commented "isn't that strange?"meaning the way the second photo came out reflecting the snowfall. And he said yeah "It is strange that people put their pool a mile away from their house!" Really it is only 120 feet away from the house. I know this because I measured the distance when we were trying to get satellite Internet. I wish it was summer and I was complaining about having to vacuum the pool!
Friday, December 14, 2007
The things I want for Christmas are…
A labtop, fast inernet cervice, disney magazine, pencils, Earasers, a pencil box that fits in my desk, amercin girl doll, M.V.P. player, Hanna Mounta bed spread, and a snow globe. Also santa when you go down the chimney watch out for the fire.
Friday, December 07, 2007
" I bought this huge roll of tinfoil at the dented can store, so don't be afraid to use it."
" I am sure that God is a woman."
" I don't remember farting, maybe it was you."
" That is enough "mama's", T."
" I am not buying you a waffle maker for Hanukkah because it will just make a mess."
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
I haven't had a whole lot of energy or time lately for writing. My mind and body have both been taken over by a holiday demon bent on total psychological, physical and financial destruction and who is not planning on leaving until December 26Th! Actually it is really just psychologically and physically exhausting me . I refuse to let it get me financially. There are a lot of good intentioned parents out there who think it is OK to spend $500(Wii) on one toy for a 40, I mean 4 year old for Xmas, but it ain't this parent. I did however break down this year and buy E(9years old) an American Girl Doll. She has been asking a few years now for one but I felt she wasn't old enough to take care of it and to also appreciate that if she gets expensive toys she will get less toys. I think she understands this now and will really be surprised when she gets her long awaited $100 doll!
Lately it seems like every morning when I wake up I think "How the hell will I get done everything I need to get done today?" For months I have on and off worried about Hanukkah coming so early in December this year, I just knew I wouldn't be ready. But somehow I was. It's just lately I have been feeling blah, perhaps the lack of sunshine or antidepressants in my body contributing to my blahness. In case you don't know from previous posts, we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas at our home. I was raised Jewish and my husband raised some type of Christian. This year I came up with a great plan. I would take E and T to the dollar store and let each of them pick out 8 presents for the other, and let grandma and grandpa take care of the rest. So far it is working great. Grandma sent 2-3 presents for each child for each day of Hanukkah, some just little gifts and some bigger and Grandpa is coming to visit December 15Th and will bring more Hanukkah presents. So all I have to do is shop for Xmas, which is no easy task, but I think I am done with the kids gifts. I have no idea what to give my hus... maybe a cheap bottle of wine and a porn magazine, goodness knows I am too tired!
Here is a picture of some visitors we had Monday on our land. Too bad I prefer Ham at Xmas!
I have also updated my blogroll so check it out and check out Teeny Manolo, Gina needs to keep her job.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
7 Random Things About Myself
1. There are songs that I am unable to listen to without crying. 'Weekend In New England' by Barry Manilow, 'Shannon' by Henry Gross, 'Memories' by Barbara Streisand, 'The Winner Takes it All' by ABBA, 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' by Bonnie Tyler and All By Myself by Eric Carmen. Fortunately these songs are never played on the Radio Stations I listen to, and if I happen to come to one on a CD, I can easily skip over it. It is unfortunate however, if I am grocery shopping or in an elevator and one of these songs starts playing. I have to pretend there is something in my eye.
2.I won't eat home-made canned foods because I have a fear of Botulism. I have never known anyone that had Botulism poisoning and I have not ever had it, but I fear it would be fatal if I did. I will eat cheese from a can.
3. I recently purchased a 'Social Distortion' T-shirt for MYSELF, and I got all tingly with excitement when I did. I love the questionable looks I get from the more conservative moms when I wear it.
4.I have naturally curly hair and I get annoyed when people ask me if I have a perm. My husband tells me it is like a perm but more like "a week after you got a perm". Having curly big hair was a blessing in the '80's, now, I wish my hair was straight and shiny without a hint of curl. Of course if it was, I probably would want wavy hair. I try to straighten it when I have time, but no matter what products I use in it, the hair won't stay straight. I know it is silly to get offended by this question, but sometimes people will ask me more than once, as if they don't believe me.
5.I don't like gardening. I have tried it many many times, mostly before I had kids and wanted to spend quality time with hus. After I had each child I would make an excuse for not helping in the gardens "Well, who's going to watch the kids?" Finally I admitted to my hus that I don't like gardening and he just laughed and told me he already knew that. He told me he understood that I don't get the same kind of good feeling he does while gardening, like when I write or do an art project. I do enjoy having gardens though, especially flower gardens.
6.I change the price tags on certain items I buy. This is sort of a running joke between my hus and I. He will change the price on a bottle of wine to make it more expensive and I will change the price tag on my hair products and other things to make them less expensive. I scared my husband last week though, when I changed a small handbags price to make it more expensive, just to see if he noticed. He already assumed that I spent a lot on it because I bought it in Manchester Vt. The stores in Manchester are almost all expensive designer outlets. The bag was $14.00 marked down to $7.00. I changed the tag to read $14o.oo marked down to $70.00. Heh heh, I loved seeing the look on his face when he asked if I spent that much on a bag I would use once just for a wedding. If I really had spent that much, which is my own choice, I would have just taken the tag off altogether!
7. I had a job selling balloon bouquets once. I loved the job, it was fun and easy work. I was living in California at the time and I sold balloons to a few celebrities such as Adam Ant, Phil Collins and two different General Hospital stars whose names I don't know. I eventually got fired because I could never seem to get there on time. I didn't have a vehicle at the time and I constantly missed the bus!
Thanksgiving update: Unfortunately grandma didn't say "Phenomenal" once, the B*TCH! I didn't feel like drinking too much anyways as alcohol seems to just make me tired lately. I did however take Xanax which helped me not yell at grandma. She did repeat "at least they have their health" or I am thankful we all have "our health" over and over. So my husband made me laugh several times by saying "at least they have their health" at any opportunity that arose like when were watching the news and something dreadful happened to someone like their house burnt down. It was a fun time had by all!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
We call this game 'Phenomenal' and it is named in honor of our honored guest this thanksgiving.... Grandma. You see, grandma has a way of getting stuck on certain things.
For example, for about six months now she has found a way of working in the word 'phenomenal' into every conversation. For some reason this really bothers me, although I shouldn't let grandma get to me, she does. Last time she visited, she used the word 4 times in the first 3 minutes of seeing her. She was describing the way an old friend of mine looked when she ran into her a week or so ago. "I saw 'A' again and she really looks phenomenal, she has a phenomenal job working for the Russian-Jewish-American-Alliance" I said "Great" and mom said "No, really, she looks PHENOMENAL and what a phenomenal career...". I cringed and said " Enough with the 'Phenomenal' description" because I am not afraid to tell her she uses that word entirely too much, but sadly she doesn't listen.
Later that same night, when my hus and I snuck away from Grandma to another room, we could just barely hear her talking to us..."Wow, you guys have got to see this show on TV it is really phenomenal!" And I spontaneously raised my wine glass to my husband, because I am always drinking alcohol when grandma is here, and said "Drink". And a new drinking game was born.
Every time grandma says 'phenomenal' we will drink. Luckily grandma doesn't drink so she can watch the kids while we play.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Brain zaps, also known as "brain shocks," "brain shivers" or "head shocks" are a fairly common withdrawal symptom experienced during discontinuation (or reduction of dose) of SSRI and SNRI antidepressant drugs. The symptom is described as brief but repeated electric shock-like sensations in the brain and head. The effect is not only confined to withdrawal periods for all sufferers, but also are experienced while actually taking the prescribed medication (although less commonly), and have been known to continue for years after withdrawal from the associated medication.
The phenomenon is most commonly associated with paroxetine (Paxil, Seroxat), fluoxetine (Prozac), venlafaxine (Effexor), sertraline (Zoloft), duloxetine (Cymbalta), fluvoxamine (Luvox), citalopram (Celexa) and escitalopram (Lexapro).
"Brain zaps" are said to defy description for whomever has not experienced them, but the most common themes are of a sudden "jolt," likened to an electric shock, apparently occurring or originating within the brain itself, with associated disorientation for a few seconds. The phenomenon is most often reported as a brief, wave-like electrical pulse that quickly travels across the surface of (or through) the brain. Some people experience these "waves" through the rest of their body, but the sensation dissipates quickly. They are sometimes accompanied by brief tinnitus and vertigo-like feelings. Immediately following this shock is a light-headedness that may last for up to ten seconds. The sensation has also be described by many as a flashbulb going off inside the head or brain. Moving one's eyes from side to side quickly while open has also been known to trigger these zaps and sometimes causing them to come in rapid succession. It is thought to be a form of neuro-epileptiform activity. 
As withdrawal time increases, the frequency of the shocks decreases. At their peak, brain zaps have been associated with severe headaches. They may last for a period of several weeks after the last dose and usually resolve completely within a month or two. However, anecdotal reports of "zaps" during a protracted withdrawal are known to last a year or longer.
I have not been avoiding blogging on purpose, but have been having difficulty with this particular withdrawal symptom since discontinuing my Effexor. My eyes have been hurting and are sensitive to any stimuli. I weaned myself off slowly as directed, but still am having this strange eye phenomena occur. Unfortunately, it gets worse if I look at a computer screen or if I am tired. Thankfully, today my eyes seem a little better and my headache seems to be less.
I found this definition for Brain Zaps last night while at work. It fits pretty well to what I have been experiencing, especially that it occurs when I look from side to side. I really had no idea what it was although I was suspicious of withdrawal.
I also read that Benadryl or a one time dose of Prozac takes care of this symptom. Since it is slightly better today, I will bring some Benadryl with me to work but only take it if my eyes feel worse again. So far I have completed this entire post without any eye burning sensations or brain zaps! YAY!
Oh, and thanks for all the encouragement to CHEAT on NaBloPoMo!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
I grabbed my coat and headed out to the car, as there is no cell signal from inside the house. I called Verizon on my TRAC phone, because that is what I have, and I am not talking about that now, and got the usual repair automated answering service. They asked me what the problem was and I said "NA-BLO-PO-MO! And she said "I'm sorry, I did not understand that, could you repeat it?" Yes, "NO-DI-AL-TONE! Ugh! And she said in her sweet as saccharin recorded voice "We can help you with that, we will dispatch a technician at our earliest time, let me check our schedule and, yes, we can send someone out tomorrow between the hours of 8AM and 6PM" My heart sank, I felt defeated, no more NaBloPoMo for mama.
I tried to call my many friends, 2, I knew who would let me use their computers in a pinch but they weren't' home. I also thought of breaking into the local library, as they were closed, but then they might suddenly want all my late fees paid in full immediately if I was caught. I had to go to work in a few hours and I knew the computers there wouldn't let me blog. I was done, I am done. No more daily blogging, no Sock Zombie for mama.
I tried to call home from work that night, thinking that if the line was fixed, I could try to leave work in time to get home before midnight. Again the forces were against me. I returned home at around 1AM and whatdyaknow? DIAL TONE! WTF!
Thanks to everyone who visited me everyday this month and I hope you will still come by and visit my now, back to, once or twice a week blog! Good luck to all of you NaBloPoMo's left out there, I will still visit and support you!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
So I am going to try an give the short winded version of this post. I have mentioned here before that I have been trying, without success, to lose the weight I put on while pregnant with T. I have always been thin, and even losing my prego weight from E was easy through Weight Watchers. Probably many factors contribute to my failure. For example, I am older( I will be 40 in February)(this fact bothers me much less than my weight!), I was taking antidepressants and I work 3-11 shift so on a few nights a week I only get 4-5 hours of sleep. I am tired, tired most of the time, too tired to exercise or pay attention to my food intake. I am working with my doc and I have, at least temporarily stopped my antidepressant, getting blood work done and hopefully will have a sleep study done soon too. I am also this close (about a 1/4 inch space between my pointer finger and my thumb) away from smoking. When I smoked I was thin!
Again I have gone off track. E had an open house for her grade school last week, and we all went of course, even though we've seen the school a million times! While in her classroom I ran into another mom whom I haven't seen in a while. She said to me as she pointed to my stomach "Are you and (pointed to my hus) expecting?". I was shocked, I felt the color drain away from my face. You see, I was dressed up that evening, hair and makeup done, nice clothes on etc., because I was meeting a girlfriend later in the eve for dinner and a movie, so I thought I looked good. I said to Katie, I will call her that because that is her name,"No, I just gained some weight". She then laughed and said "Noooooo, your kidden right?" My hus who had been talking with the teacher, came to me and stood at my side, a look of fear on his face. I think he was preparing to stop me from strangling Katie. I, however, was not angry, just hurt. So I said to Katie " That is not a polite thing to ask a woman" and I walked out of the room, completely mortified. My hus came quickly after me. He right away said "Don't let her get to you, look at who said it, she is not the sharpest tool in the shed, that's why people don't like her, she is dumb". And I said "she is also about 100 pounds heavier than me too!" And I said, "why is it that it is always women who ask if you are pregnant?" The last time someone asked me (a woman) was when I was thin and I still got upset. My hus said "Because men know better, we just ask if a woman had a boob job?" trying to make me laugh.
I left the school and headed off to see my friend. I tried really hard not to cry on my way to meet her, but still I shed some tears. I told my friend what happened and she said the same thing happened to her when she was only 120 pounds and it upset her too. She looks to be about that weight now. We had a great time together that evening,and I forgot all about the incident, then I cried the whole way home.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Friday, November 09, 2007
Thursday, November 08, 2007
We love having visits from Fred and other wild animals. My husband doesn't mind that his bird feeders also feed other types of creatures. He did make a joke about Fred though, as it is hunting season......
NOOO! We would never eat Fred!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
1. A Personal Assistant, and I don't want a human personal assistant, I want a robot. See, having a person assist me would just take up more of my time because I would feel obligated to speak to them. Maybe I would take an Alice, like from the Brady Bunch, she did everything for that family. But, Alice had a lot of drama in her life, between her boyfriend and her frequent injuries, I don't have time to deal with an assistants drama.
What a Personal Assistant could do for me:
A) Every morning make, pour and bring me my coffee.
B) Make T and I healthy breakfasts and lunches. It is too easy for me to make mac-n cheese or hot dogs.
C) Record and categorize my blog ideas as I dictate them.
D) Type my blog as I dictate it to her and correct any grammatical mistakes I make.
E) Dust. I don't mind doing my own daily light housekeeping.
F) Keep track of daily schedules. We almost forgot about dance on Sunday!
G) Give me back rubs. Self explanatory.
H) Make appointments for me. I really dislike calling to make appointments.
I) Look things up on the Internet for me as they pop into my head.
J) Remind me to take my medicine.
Having a Robot to assist with these activities would free up my time so that I would be able to do other more pleasurable things like:
A) Sit and eat breakfast and lunch with T.
B) Play with T.
C) Finish painting my living room.
D) Art projects, scrapbooking, blogging, reading, watching TV, listening to music, make cookies
E) Help E with homework.
F) Make supper, which I do like to do.
G) Converse with husband.
H) Have sex with husband.
I) Talk on the phone with friends.
J) Email friends
I do most of these things anyways, I just want to not have to rush through it all. I know you know what I mean.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
**Excerpts from a Cat's Diary**
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now....
That's my Cokee, she certainly doesn't look like a prisoner to me!
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Ain't it the truth!
Saturday, November 03, 2007
That's all I got today. I am heading out the door with E for a fun day of shopping out of state in a real mall. I will catch up on reading tomorrow. I apologize for any misspelled or confusing comments I may have left last night. I had about 4 hours sleep and no nap! Have a nice Saturday.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
I hope everyone had a great Halloween. We had wonderful warm weather, perfect for trick-or-treating. We drove to a friends house from then next town over, because if we stayed in our town we would have to drive from house to house. Some do that, but I love to walk house to house especially in great weather.
Our friends dressed up as Dog the Bounty Hunter and a Voodoo Mama complete with Voodoo dolls and pins. E and I dressed up as Hippies, T was the cutest Harry Potter EVER, and Hus refused to dress up, as usual. My husband didn't have a great experience with Halloween growing up. He lived in the country, the baby of 6 kids, his mom didn't drive and his dad was too busy (drinking) to drive him. He said his older brothers and sisters took him into town once but that was it. I am glad he is wiling to come with us trick-or-treating and aside from refusing to wear a costume, he was in good spirits last night.
I have to say that the candy wasn't great, we mostly got Smarties and Tootsie Rolls, very little chocolate. WTH! Not one Snickers mini or Three Musketeer, my favorites. I guess that could also be considered good, because all the less for mama to eat.
One of the houses that always goes to the extreme of decorating and partying on Halloween was serving some adult treats besides candy. They had Jello shots and chili! I missed those because T was too scared to go to that house. They had a fake autopsy happening on the picnic table and smoke machines. He also freaked just a little when kids or adults had on scary masks, and would stand behind me for protection. I probably would have declined the Jello because even though there was little traffic in the streets I had to keep my wits about me and make sure the little ones didn't run into the road without looking.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Does anyone know why for the last few years I haven't been able to find the Halloween Mix of candy corn. It had the chocolate cats in it. Did they stop making it? I can only find the Autumn Mix which has pumpkins but no cats. The cats were my favorite.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I decided to write a little more related to my last post. The thing is, I wrote that I had given up on being Jewish period and I realized the day before yesterday, that this is not entirely true.
That evening, I was home cooking dinner for the fam, I was making home made Chicken and Matzo Ball soup, and it suddenly dawned on me. I was making home made Chicken and Matzo Ball soup! Well, if that's not Jewish....
My point is that, I love my home made Chicken soup, because it is damn good! Then I realized I make many really tasty Jewish foods, Noodle Kugel, Mock Potato Knishes, Potato Latkes (pancakes), Fried Matzo and more. I am not giving these Delicious foods up. These recipes are MINE, Jewish or not, I taught them to myself, LOOSELY basing them on the recipes of my grandmother, being that I rarely watched her cook, and recipes I found on-line or in cookbooks.
I also plan on lighting the Menorah candles during Hanukkah, but I also plan on decorating for Christmas. I love Christmas time, and even growing up Jewish I always felt it was a magical time, a time for giving and spending time with family. By family, I mean my husband and kids. Spending time with anyone else in my family is definitely not magical! I should probably try and learn more about Kwanzaa so we can celebrate that too. Plus I love decorating for holidays,putting up pretty garland, decorating the tree etc. There are not many Hanukkah decorations out there and Santa doesn't come to Jewish kids houses!
So I guess even if I try to deny it, Judaism will always be at least a tiny part of me. Along with my own traditions that I started with my family. Like celebrating many holidays and trying to be good people.
Before I publish, I also want to ask if any of you are joining Nablopomo and blogging every day in November? Come on, it will be fun, stressful but fun. Let me know if you are planning on joining. I need more Friends!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
How scary, I mean sweet is this picture? A lovely Jewish family celebrating Hanukkah. UGH! That's me standing up holding the yarmulke beanie on my head. The woman with her arm around me is my grandmother who passed away 6 years ago.
For those new to my blog these "Do I Look Familiar?" posts are about my adoption and my slow and hesitant search for my birth family.
My adopted parents told me many different stories regarding my history. The stories changed through the years until I eventually found out the truth that they didn't really know any of my history. I picked this picture today because I wanted to talk about religion, just a little, nothing controversial, just my thoughts.
My adoptive mom (a-mom for short) first told me that my birth mother was Jewish and so I was "automatically Jewish". This of course was not true. Later, my a-mom told me that because she was Jewish, that meant I was "automatically Jewish". I am sure she really wanted to believe this, but again, this was not true.
I found out a few years ago what the true story was. I was not born Jewish and no one had any idea what religion I was. Actually, they might know but claim not to. Because of this, I had to be converted when I was a baby. An aunt told me that my great-grandfather took me all by himself to his Temple and had me converted. He was in his 80's when I was born so it must have been an interesting trip for me.
I've always thought of myself as being a sort of black sheep in the family (My cousin M might disagree, as he thinks he is). I felt that I was different from my family and just never fit in. The Jewish thing is just one reason. No matter how much I tried to feel connected with my Jewish heritage, I never really did. Well, I did for a long time feel a connection to Jews in history. The persecution for example, I was also persecuted for being Jewish. Of course there were other reasons I was picked on, mostly because I was shy and people thought I was stuck-up. And, the Jewish kids were the worst offenders, I hated going to Hebrew School. I knew kids would be mean to me and I knew the teachers wouldn't do anything about it.
I went through a time when my grandmother(pictured) was dying and I thought I felt a connection to her and to Judaism. I even tried to incorporate some traditions in my daily family life. I joined the Jewish Temple, the only one in the area, so E could go to Sunday school and my hus and I could meet some adults. My hus is not Jewish but since he is the best nicest guy in the world he hesitantly agreed.
BAD IDEA! It was horrible, not right away, but a few months into our membership. I found the other couples cold and unfriendly. I started to feel the same dread when I would bring E to Sunday school. Finally I realized, WTF am I doing? How can I feel connected to a religion where most of the people I meet are mean!? After that experience along with a lifetime of feeling like I am mistreated and don't fit in, I gave up on being Jewish, period.
The point, of which I am writing this long winded post is that I just wonder what religion I was born. Right now I consider myself non-religious, maybe atheist, maybe not. Why can't just being a good person be enough? I think it is. I would love to find out I am Irish Catholic or something opposite of Jewish, just to horrify my family!
The ironic thing is that the best friends I have ever had were met in public school and they were Jewish! But not the "I go to Temple every week" Jew, Jews like me, just good people.
As an update to my actual search. I sent in my registration to the state of New York where I was born and they sent it back saying they can't help me because I was not adopted in NY. I also sent in my registration to ISRR and it's been weeks and I haven't heard other that that they got my paperwork. So it's not looking good. My next step will be to hire a lawyer and try to get my files opened. I will keep you all posted when I do this.
Friday, October 05, 2007
One day, when I have had my fill of loading....loading....loading....I might just do that. I know we have a chainsaw somewhere around here...
UPDATE: OK I am done feeling sorry for myself, it is hard to feel sorry for yourself about Internet service when there are other more terrible, awful things happening in the world to feel bad about. I will just have to deal or maybe occasionally try the library.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Well, I could ask for more free time to watch all my favorite shows. I made up a tentative schedule just for this week and it is not looking good. And no I don't have TIVO, I do have a working VCR though, and East and West coast channels through Direct TV. I would get TIVO, but I think I would just end up with the same problem I run into with my VCR. I end up with 2 or more tapes full of shows and I can never catch up. UGH!
If I didn't have to work 3 evenings a week, if I didn't have kids and if I didn't like reading so much, I might have time to really enjoy all my shows.
Here is my tentative schedule for this week:
Key: Old favorites, new soon to be favorites
Monday 9/24 8pm 'How I Met Your Mother', 9pm 'Two and a Half Men', 10pm Journeyman, 1am CSI Miami(tape it)
Tuesday 9/25 Work, Tape the following shows 11pm 'Bones', 12am 'House', watch 1am 'Law and Order SVU'
Wednesday 9/26 8pm watch or tape 'Kid Nation', 9pm 'Bionic Woman', 10pm 'CSI New York', tape 12am 'Criminal Minds'
Thursday 9/27 9pm 'CSI', 10pm 'ER'
Friday 9/28 Work, Tape the following 12am 'Moonlight', watch 1am 'Numbers'
This does not include any new shows on other networks like Bravo's 'Top Design' or any cooking shows( I learned 10 different ways to make macaroni and cheese the other night-priceless).
Friday, September 21, 2007
I finally ordered Satellite Internet service. It will be delivered and hooked up October 6Th. It was $100 cheaper than what I was quoted when I first inquired and $10 cheaper per month. Wow, I should have played the lottery yesterday too. So look out all you in blogger land, Mama will be visiting more often as I hope it will not take me 10 minutes for each blog. Maybe I will even put a video on my blog. I will also, I mean my kids will also be able to play with their Webkinz now.
My daughter joined drama for the first time this year. She is in fourth grade and hasn't shown much interest until now. She missed the first class, which by the way are held from 6:30AM-8:00AM Tuesdays and Thursdays, because of my failure to take her to sign up, therefore not knowing when the first class was. Well, she didn't get a part when they were handed out on the second class. She was really upset, called me at work crying and distraught like the world was going to end. I offered my condolences and told her to not give up, if she wanted a part she should show her dedication by showing up each class and get involved somehow with the production. And I also told her that surely someone will drop out when they discover they can't handle showing up for school at 6:30. Sure enough a couple classes later, 2 kids dropped out, 1 of which had a part and the teacher gave it to E! She again called me at work and was so excited, I was sure she must have gotten the lead. Not the lead but a part none the less. She has one line "That's a wrap!" . I am very excited for her. What is also exciting for E is that the play will be performed at a real Theatre, as opposed to the school gym. The teacher promised parts for everyone in the next play to be held at the end of the year in the gym. I am proud of her for sticking to it.
My husband came home unexpectedly from work one morning because he forgot some tools. I apparently was asleep in the bedroom and didn't hear him come inside the house. T was awake and up out of bed, which I knew because he wakes me when he gets up and keeps waking me about every 5 minutes if I fall back asleep. He says "I don't see you walking". Anyways my hus came in and gave T breakfast and then left. When I called him that afternoon he told me what he did and he accused me of leaving T all alone. I did work the night before and didn't get to bed until 2AM. It takes me all I have to get out of bed sometimes, so on the days my hus takes E to drama on his way to work I usually sleep until T wakes me. Well, I felt guilty, what kind of mother leaves their 4 year old unattended (in the next room) while they sleep? So after I hung up with my hus I thought about it for a few minutes and called him back and turned things around. "What if I had a stroke or heart attack and was just lying in bed unconscious or I was dead and you left me there all day?" My hus said "Oh yeah, I didn't think of that" and I said, "what about you falling asleep on the couch while the kids are awake, a bomb could go off and it wouldn't wake you" and he said "I don't sleep on the couch" HA!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
The phone company is promising DSL to 90% of Vermont by 2010. I can't wait that long, I am going insane with this slow dial-up. Loading, loading,loading,loading........2hours later.....loading...You get my drift. And I am sure I will be in the 10% of Vermonters who never have it available!
I would like to know if any of you have Satellite Internet or know of anyone who has it and what you/they think of it.
Monday, September 10, 2007
E tries to be a good girl and I try to be a good mom, but it's not easy. We can become easily frustrated with each other and while I am supposed to be the adult, sometimes she can bring me down to her level without much effort. I try to empathize by remembering how hard it can be for a kid, all the pressure of schoolwork, relationships and especially new feelings, body changes, bullies and extra curricular activities can make them tired and decrease their ability to control themselves. Same goes for mama's, especially the tired part. I yell a lot more when I am tired, it only makes sense.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Stef did her best to keep the crazy away from me. However, being that I was a teenager without any goals at the time, a different kind of crazy found me. I could write several pages on the short time I spent in California, but this is a hair post. Maybe I will write more about those days another time.
This is no faux-hawk this is the real thing people. I would shave my head Friday nights after work and by Monday it would look like this. On weekends I frequented a club called Fenders , somewhere in Los Angeles,where they had local punk bands play. I also went into the Pit once to slam dance. Only once because at the time I weighed under 100lbs and kept getting knocked over. The people in the pit were nice enough to pick me up, but I was scared I might actually get injured.
Well, now you know my favorite hairdo of all time. I also still love punk rock music. Maybe one day I will give myself another Mohawk.
"I'm not crazy...institution... your the one that's crazy...institution!"...Suicidal Tendencies
Monday, September 03, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
I have always liked this picture of me. I would of course like it better if my hair wasn't 2feet tall. And it is quite frizzy. My hairstyle these days is pretty similar only much less tall and much healthier.
I think I made a mistake when I wrote that the first hairdo I posted was from the late '80's. This in fact was my hair in the late '80's. The other was a few years later. I remember having this and other black and white photos taken of me by a friend who was taking a photography course. I was majoring in fine art. I wanted to be an artist, painter, sculpter etc. But after I graduated changed my mind. Mostly because I just didn't think I was good enough. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. Now I just mostly do crafty things and I am good at that.Recent conversation with my husband regarding this photo:
Hus: "Are you going to put that picture out?"(I was holding it and also a frame)
Me: "Yeah, why? You don't like it?"
Hus: "It's a bit scary"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Hus: "Your hair"
Me: "When I first showed you this picture many years ago, you said I look pretty, so if you say I look pretty in a new photo, maybe your just saying that?"
Hus: "Of course I think you are pretty, I think your beautiful, I love you"
Me: "Alrighty then"
He can really turn things around, can't he? Pretty slick.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Or let my bangs grow.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Woo Hoo, a double theme tonight! Bad hair and a bad dance recital costume. Tell me everyone has had this haircut, please. Named after the famous ice skater, who it actually looked good on. The Dorothy Hamill. YOU know you had this one.
I have only had my hair short (above my shoulders) three times in my life and this is one of those unfortunate times. My face is not right with this or any other short style. Even if it was a better rendition of the cut.
I danced for almost 10 years. I took tap, jazz and ballet. I was, and still am, slightly good at tap, but I am horrible at ballet. I don't want to write about how I am at jazz. I always liked to dance but hated the recitals. I still plan on someday taking tap again, but no recital.
My mom had these yearly pictures taken of me in my costumes. She framed them and hung them along our hallway. As soon as I started dating, probably before the first date picked me up, I took them all down and refused to let her put them back . Who would not have been embarrassed? I suppose E will make me take down her dance pictures one day...
I also remember one of my friends mom commenting that I had short legs. What a BITCH! My legs got much longer and really they ended up my best feature, I mean besides my hair.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I really don't blame my grandma for being so impatient with me. There have been plenty of times I wanted to smack E over the head with the brush while while attempting to de-tangle her mop.
Nice pleather couch huh?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
I have been thinking about doing a post on all of my ridiculous hairdos throughout my life. However, I have had too many bad hairdos to only post once, so I decided to do one at a time. This first one is from the really early '90's if not late '80's. I hope you all get a good laugh. Maybe I will even eventually show a recent picture. I am not planning on doing pictures in any certain order. This one was picked out by E for tonight's post. She said "WOW, you had a really small waist". Had being the operative word.
I have a lot of pictures where my hair is swept back away from one side. WTF? Did I sleep on that side and just leave it? How about those shoulder pads? And we mustn't ignore the heavy eye brows.
Also just an FYI, my dad still has the same couch! He upgrades his computers and other electronics at least yearly but still has the same furniture. Yikes.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
In no particular order.
David Bowie-Lets Dance
Green Day-American Idiot
Joan Jett and the Blackhearts-Fit to be Tied
Linkin Park-Hybrid Theory
Barry Manilow-Ultimate Manilow
Kiss-The Very Best Of
Counting Crows-August and Everything After
Social Distortion-Social Distortion
I was cleaning out my car today and thought I should share a bit of me.
My radio station is http://WEQX.com you can listen online.
That's all Mama has time for this week. I have been busy redecorating and moving E's room. Will post about it and share pictures as soon as I am done.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
When Starsky and Hutch moved from a weekend night to a weeknight and my parents told me I could no longer watch the show, I threw a really huge temper tantrum. Of course I got my way and they let me stay up!
When I mentioned my once love for David Soul to my husband, he informed me that around the time the show was on or soon after, David was accused of wife beating. Is this true? I was devastated.
I loved many actors when I was young, but that's for another post. And now when E has a tantrum about staying up late to watch her idols on TV, I will be able to empathize. Yeah, right. "GET YOUR ASS IN BED BITCH!" just kiddin.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Yes, I was away for a week on vacation in case anyone noticed. Almost every year since I have known my husband we have vacationed on Long Beach Island in New Jersey for a week. Yes, NJ, I know, people from Vermont are supposed to vacation in Maine, but we tried Maine a couple of times but we always return to NJ. I like that in NJ we can walk almost everywhere, in Maine we had to drive to the beach and shopping etc. I also think the sand is softer and the water is warmer and less salty in NJ. Of course Maine's seafood is better, but I had twin lobsters this week in NJ and they were delicious!
I also love that LBI is small enough that we can walk from the bay side to the ocean side. The sunsets are beautiful. (Hus said it was OK to put pictures of him and the kids on the blog if they were shot from BEHIND, who knew?)
The kids loved playing in the sand and swimming in the ocean waves. The water was a bit too cold for mama, but I did dip my tootsies in a few times
We noticed this sign placed at every entrance to the beach. This past year they took sand from deep in the ocean and put it onto the Surf City beach to help build up where nature had eroded. In the replaced sand they found WW One Ordnance which is another word for explosives or ammunition! The sign warns not to dig deeper than 12inches. Yikes! Luckily the kids were well behaved so I didn't have to tell them to go dig a deep hole somewhere way over there.
We gave T some fancy sand castle beach toys for his birthday which worked very well. I don't remember ever having anything like these to make castles with, usually I had a broken bucket or a plastic cup.
One thing that was different this year was that we had neighbors. We rented the same place last year but nobody was staying in the downstairs apartment, and before that we had always rented one family houses or cottages. You would have thought we never saw people before. We were like bumbling idiots around them the first days. Should we talk to them, should we avoid them, sneak in and out when they are not home, should we not answer the door? As you probably have gathered by my posts and by the fact that we live way way out in the country that we are not the sociable type. We like who we like and if we don't like you we don't want you as a neighbor, so why take a chance with neighbors?
Well ,it turned out these people were very nice, sociable people, and didn't seem to notice our bumbling. They even acted like they wanted to spend time with us. After a bottle of wine I became friendly too. My hus and I even enjoyed spending a couple of evenings with them. I was only disappointed because our vacation is the only time my hus and I get to watch movies together so we missed two movie nights(and after movie action). We did get to watch "RV" -very funny family movie, "Yours Mine and Ours" another funny family movie and "Little Miss Sunshine" HILARIOUS, not for kids movie, which we didn't know until grandpa started with all the foul language and drugs, by then it was too late to turn it off!
The neighbors had kids also that E and T could play with, which made vacation a lot more fun for them. T didn't seem to mind one bit they were all girls!
T, also not used to being around people thought it was OK to run around naked outside (girls screaming) and my husband also caught him about to PEE OFF THE DECK! The second story deck. OOPS.