Wednesday, January 27, 2010

#2 Waitress and #4 Phone Sex Operator

21 Jobs in 10 Years Continued...(changed it from 20 to 21 because I forgot about my copy job- "Heidi makin copies...")

#2 Bob's Big Boy Waitress

Being that I was a teenager when I had this job, and not yet taking Lexapro for anger management, waitressing was not a good idea for me. I worked at Bob's for only a few weeks. The first week I thought it was fun with decent money, delicious Big Boy cheeseburgers, fries and chocolate cream pie for dinner, what could be bad? And nope, didn't gain an ounce back then. Now I would gain 5 pounds just looking at chocolate cream pie.

Back then and still today, I sometimes have a problem not pointing out to people when they are being rude. Of course, now as a nurse, and not in a position to allow myself to be fired, I know how to do this tactfully and with respect for the rude persons feelings. Then I just go and bitch about them behind their back.

One night I had a woman who sent back her spaghetti three times. "Too cold" "Too dry" and finally "Just give it to me to go". Seriously busy, and not in the mood, I proceeded to pack up her spaghetti in a take-out container then gave it to her. She left me no tip.

After the woman left,my boss called me over.
"That woman complained about you."she told me.
"Really, why?" I asked.
"You packed her spaghetti in a paper bag."
"Yes, yes I did."

#4 Phone Sex Operator

Back in the '80's, when I lived in California for a short time after dropping out of High School, Temp agencies were a popular and easy way to find employment. I found a few jobs this way including the "copy person" and "phone sex operator".

I was told this was going to be just a regular office-answering phone-type of job. When I got to the office, the manager brought me to a small room which contained a desk, comfy chair and a telephone. On the desk was a typed script of what I was supposed to say when I answered the phone. I quickly, after one call, heh heh, figured out that the job was for a "Swingers" service. The service supposedly was to set swingers up with other swingers for dates. I did my best to follow the script, but the men calling were going off track with questions like "can you go on a date with me?" and "what are you wearing now?" I kept having to cover the mouthpiece of the phone so I could ask the manager what to say. He told me to just "go with it" but that I didn't have to really date these men, but I didn't have to tell the men that either. I couldn't stop imagining these callers as being really really greasy, sleazeballs.Ewe.

Eventually the manager took me around for a tour of the rest of the office. It turned out that the cozy, clean room I was in was just used for orientation/training purposes. The real work took place in a bigger room lined with folding tables at which women sat close together and answered the phones. Ewe.

I'm not a prude and porn and phone sex is-A Okay, but watching those women and girls, me only 18, gave me the willies.

Needless to say, I didn't get the job.

Next #10 Certified Balloon Specialist and #8 Envelope Addressing Person.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I Smell Good and Not Like Pot

And other random things about me.

*I smell good. Once I was told I smell "Delicious". I was scared my aunt might bite me after she said that. Another time I was told that E's girlfriend, when shopping in a department store, announced "Hey, this store smells like E's mom." I guess that's better than smelling like a liquor store or McDonald's. A co-worker recently said to me "I bet you don't even know how good you smell." If you want to know how I smell, go to a department store and ask to smell Ralph Laurens 'Blue'. To me it kind of smells like a female version of Polo. Oh, Hus likes it too. But he wouldn't care if I rolled around in manure, he would still have sex with me.(although, not on the kitchen floor!)

*In 11Th grade, I smoked more pot than Cheech and Chong did in Up In Smoke.Morning, noon and night I smoked. Which translates to before, during and after school. While I had a lot of fun with my friends during school, obviously I failed academically. It's a long story which lead me to the point of finally giving up on coping with the social pressures of High School in a healthy way,but that's how I dealt. Smoking, laughing, listening to music, hanging with friends and doing my best to avoid enemies and depression, was my 11Th grade. Even though I have three college degrees,graduating with honors each time, I still sometimes feel inadequate only having a GED and not a real High School diploma. So stay in school! Hahaha, my first PSA!

*I get angry when bloggers just up and disappear without even a short goodbye. I know that bloggers come and go, and that's okay. I just think that if you are not dead, or going through something major that keeps you from your computer, it is RUDE to not let your readers know you are leaving. I get that some people have to stop blogging or wish to be anonymous. But why not let your readers know. It especially pisses me off when I spend time worrying that something horrible might have happened to this person, only to find out they have started another blog and have only notified some of their readers. I've found three bloggers that "disappeared" this way. I understand that you want to start over, and I don't expect you to tell all your readers your new site address, but at least you could say goodbye! Answering emails would be nice too. For me, angry=hurt feelings. I guess I'm just too sensitive.

On a different note. My long time bloggy friend Shelly reminded me that tomorrow, Thursday, January 14th is Delurker Day. So if you are here reading, please leave me a comment. I would love to hear from you!

Monday, January 04, 2010

Sex on the Kitchen Floor

And other pieces of conversations between Hus and I...

Me: Wow our first night alone at home without the kids! Should we have sex on the kitchen floor?

Hus: Why would we do that? We have a bed.

Me: How about we just watch TV? Maybe something other than the Nickelodeon channel.

Perfect Storm

Me: I am just sooo sick of driving in this snowy icy slippery crap. I want to move to a warmer place, you with me?

Hus: No. And you're an excellent driver in the snow. You should be an Ice Road Trucker. It's like your just waiting for the perfect storm.

Me: Didn't they all die in The Perfect Storm?

No Life

Me: I really want to see Avatar, it looks like a movie made just for me. It's got romance, sci-fi, and it took four years to make it.

Hus: It will take you longer to see it.

Healthy Eating

Me: I didn't eat butter until I met you. I was raised on low fat margarine.

Hus: Well, there's some 'I Can't Believe I Bought This Butter' in the fridge.

The Governor

Hus: I saw the governor today.

Me: You saw Arnold?! (OK, I watch too much west coast TV)