OK, I am depressed, but for everyone who read my next to last post, I have not cut back on my meds yet. My current mood appears to be purely hormonal. I actually thought I was going through early menopause this month. For the last year I have been having night sweats, heart palpitations and an inability to lose my T fat. I have never been late for or missed a period except when pregnant, since I was 12 1/2 years old. This month I was 8 days late. Yes I freaked, I had a Tubal so of course I thought I must be the 1/20,000 women who get pregnant after having her tubes burned beyond recognition. Whew, I took 2 tests, $12.95, and both were negative. Then I thought, cancer? Obesity? Diabetes? Then I thought, cool, maybe I am done for good. Yay! Nope, just late, I guess this is the start of it. Damn. Well, that had nothing to do with what I wanted to write about, but I had to vent.
On to Fathers Day. You probably know how I feel about my amother. Not so close. On Mothers Day, I asked my husband if it was really bad that I had not gotten her a gift, and should I feel guilty? I felt a little guilty, but that is because she always made me feel guilty no matter what. I had thought of getting her something just superficial to ease my guilt but the days went by and I didn't. Passive aggressive? Yes. I wanted her to care, but I don't think she did or really cares about me anyway. Wow, that sounds really sad. Anyways, this is about Fathers Day, not Mothers Day. When I saw the above car, I thought immediately of my father and I will elaborate later. For some reason, and maybe some of you may have insight into the reasons, I don't have as much anger and resentment for my father. I have speculated over what the reasons might be, what we expect from a father as compared to a mother or that my dad is far less annoying in general as a person as compared to my mom. Even people not close to my parents know it. My mother is just really living in some crazy fantasy world. My dad is just a regular boring guy. Another reason may be that he actually seems to care for me and I don't get the feeling my amother does.
On to more fun stuff...I don't want to say too much negative stuff about my dad, but here are some things about him.I am sure he would not deny. He is old fashioned, he never changed any of my diapers, he is a womanizer and enjoyed staring at my friends breasts throughout the years. He cheated on my mom. I personally would have just left her, as she is crazy, but as it happened she left him. I have some funny and nice memories of my dad. Before I became a rebellious teen, I was definitely Daddies girl. He used to take me to the park, to McDonald's(thanks for my addiction to Big Macs), and took many 1000's of pictures of me.
When I got older he was only in my life sporadically, both of us pulling away, him scared because I was becoming a woman and me just not wanting to have anything to do with my dysfunctional family. I do have some older memories though. He tried to teach me how to drive a standard transmission, in his Pinto. Hence, the gift I gave him! We made it about a block and a half with much grinding of the gears and he finally said to me "GET OUT!" no discussion. I was mad. He had no patience with me. I had to have my friend Stefanie teach me how to drive one. We had many laughs that day, driving around and around an empty parking lot. But I learned pretty fast.
My dad is a normal guy, has a life, a job, a girlfriend, loves his grandkids and seems to love me. He calls almost everyday. Most of the time I let the answering machine pick up, but I don't like talking on the phone anyways. He is just as responsible for my adoption, (or kidnapping). Why don't I feel the anger?
And now for just a little about the most important dad in my life, my husband. He is really the best father to our kids. Never afraid to change a diaper, feed a bottle, do laundry, and most important, hug and kiss his kids and tell them that he loves them. My dad is not a hugger, he will seize up like a tree if you hug him, I usually hug him anyways. Don't get me wrong though, I am not a huggy touchy person.
My above mentioned and linked friend Stefanie is the editor of Hot Moms Club an online magazine. This month she included my A-Z Reasons Why I Love My Husband, a previous post of mine, in the magazine. There is a picture of my husband with my daughter running on the beach. The picture is a few years old so my hus OK'd it. Go check it out. There are other mommy bloggers writing for the mag. , like I'm Not Crazy I Have Twins (linked by my blogroll) has a monthly column.
Happy Fathers Day to all you Papas out there!