Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Mother Nature Needs To Go Back On Her Meds

If Mother Nature were to appear before me in corporeal form, she would be in big trouble. I would kick her butt! Or die trying. After that, I would bring her to my little hospital where I could be her nurse. I would restrain her immediately in a straight jacket and medicate her with high doses of Haldol, anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressant meds. Then the real fun would begin. I could turn down the heat, say to, 9F, then sprinkle a little snow on her. Next, just for ha, ha's I would change the snow to freezing rain. I wouldn't want to freeze her completely and permanently so I would have to turn up the heat and pour some rain on her. And to really freak her out I would simulate lightening and thunder in her room. Then I would turn all the lights off. I mean, really, Mother, WTF was that all about the other day?
By now she would be so out of it, she's probably going to think she is hallucinating. And when it gets so bad she can't take it anymore, she will have an epiphany of some sorts. She will realize how truely awful her behavior this winter has been. She has been acting like a spoiled brat, taking all her frustrations out on us, the little people. She will feel bad about all the times she laughed at the poor meteorologists who have failed to predict her behavior. Her heart will ache with remorse for forcing people, like me, who don't have a choice, to drive in freezing rain and ice storms.
At this point, I can change her meds to maintenance doses and she will promise to take them after we discharge her. And we, the humble slaves to her will, can enjoy a pleasant, warm and sunny spring!


alissasanderson said...

Amen to that!

Suzy said...

Even here in LA we're having the weird ups and downs. Yesterday it was 80 but it was in the 60's 2 weeks ago. It's heat one day then air conditioning. But still glad I don't live on the east coast anymore!

WillThink4Wine said...

OK, so I'm really sorry that I rubbed my Azaleas in your red nose! Really.

Would it make you feel better to know that after last year's Extreme Drought, one day about 2 weeks ago we had 7 inches of rain, and that on one day last week we had 5 inches more of rain?

Probably not, and I can't say as I'd blame you. Mother Nature needs some Zanex.

Lainey-Paney said...

you are sick & twisted.
I love it!!!

Stephanie said...

I couldn't agree more, where the hell is the sun? It has been a real stinker of a winter.

Family Adventure said...

You GO girl!