Saturday, September 30, 2006

Do I look familiar?

I'm adopted. My Birth certificate says I was born February 24, 1968 at 12:30 pm in the town of Niskayuna in the county of Schenectady, New York. This may or may not be the truth. Part of the reason I'm not sure this is true is that I was born in 1968. (at least I think so). In 1968,
and today I'm sure, there are many ways to "adopt a baby", legitamate Adoption agency to the Black market route. My dad says I was a "gray market" baby, my mom denies any other possible shade other than "off white".
I've always wondered, if only in the back of my mind sort of way, what my history is. Over the years my parents told me everything from the not even close to the truth to the what they think might be the truth. For example " We picked you out of all the other babies at the hospital" or "Your biological mother died during birth" or "we were told your mother was short, but pretty".?. I try to give my parents the benefit of the doubt and think that the reason they dont remember much is a sort of defense mechanism they use to protect themselves. It wasnt until recently, within the last few years, after giving birth to my own children, that I have really been interested in finding my biological family. And it wasn't until I actually started investigating ( using the term loosely), that I realized how much I cared about the whole thing. I have only tried a few things, but each thing led me to a dead end. And every dead end led me to a crying spell. I am not a cryer! Except maybe sad movies or commercials. I thank Lexapro for that. But everytime someone told me they could not help me I would spontaniously burst out in tears, like some silly teenager not yet in controll of their hormones. This says to me ,I must really care about my history, whether I want to admit it or not.
Here's my story, maybe someone out there has had a similar adoption and has some advice on how I should next proceed.
Supposedly my adoption was planned ahead of my birth through a lawyer in New York. I was born premature and while I was still at the hosptital, my biological mother left without signing any adoption paperwork. She was never seen or heard from again. According to the lawyer, he was unable to locate her. My adoptive parents still were able to take me home to Massachusetts. My parents say I was picked up at the Hospital. My grandmother told me my dad actually changed his license plates, drove to NY and I was "passed through the window of my parents car" by my lawyer. Because no papers were signed, my parents had to wait 11 years to officially adopt me because of the abandonedment laws. During the 11 years, the Lawyer died, so my lawyer uncle took over my adoption in Mass., and my original birth certificate was sealed forever in NY. I waited years to finaly call my uncle only to have him tell me he knows nothing to help me. He said back in 1979 NY would tell him nothing. I recently tried the NY Adoption Registry only to be told I cannot register in NY or Mass, being that I was born in one state and adopted in another.The woman I spoke to said I was "up the creek without a paddle, and she did not know what my next step should be.
Should I call a lawyer, and if so, from what state? I cannot afford a private investigater. Should I try Dr. Phil?
I have also had some recent medical issues that my Doctor said it would be helpful to know my health history.
It is not the end of the world if I never find out where I came from. I have always been good at compartmentalization whether I wanted to be or not. Its part of the reason I am a good nurse. I can care for a sick child or a patient on their deathbed and offer compassion and caring to them and their love ones without breaking down.(at least not until I am ready to break down, I am not a cold hearted bitch) So I can put my search way down in a bottom compartment for a while untill I get up the courage to try again.


Misfit Hausfrau said...

Wow. You have an amazing story. And a frustrating one. I feel frustrated FOR you. Have you signed up or read any adoption forums? Perhaps they might have some information to help you.

Again, your story is such an amazing mystery! Thanks for sharing!

Andie D. said...

I'm here through Misfit. I too am adopted, and recently found and reunited with my bmom (long story).

I know how you feel regarding wanting to know, needing to know, but being able to compartmentalize as necessary.

Misfit has a great idea about reading adoption forums. You can even join, and ask questions. It's hard to find even in the best of circumstances.

BTW, you don't look familiar, but man were you cute. ;)

Stefanie said...

aww...I've never seen that baby pic! You know Carolyn was adopted too right? And she found her bmother. Maybe you could call her. But I think the Dr. Phil route would be good too. Think of the story you'll have to tell. Sorry you're in pain over this. I know how things affect you so much more and differently once you have children.

stefanierj said...

Wow...and International Woman of Mystery. That sounds very exciting, but obviously when it's your own childhood, it loses some of its mystery and starts being a pain in the ass. I'm with Stef--try Dr Phil. He's got the resources, and even if he can't help you locate your birth family, he can give you great counseling. :)

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I don't think I was reading you in 2006 (this first entry is Parker's birth day, btw), so I didn't know the whole story. Your birth story could be a movie on Lifetime, you poor thing. You were sure a cute little chub in this picture, though!