Monday, January 14, 2008

40 is NOT the New 20

At 20...

I could drink a can of Slimfast and lose 5 pounds.

At nearly 40...

I could live on water alone for a week and gain 5 pounds.

At 20...

Men would stare at me at the supermarket and I would think they were admiring my beauty and thinking about how to get me into bed.

At nearly 40...

When men stare at me at the supermarket I think my hair must be sticking up, or I have something in my teeth,or a booger on my nose, then I look down to make sure I remembered to put pants on that morning.

At 20...

I took laxatives because I wanted to.

At nearly 40...

I take laxatives because I have to.

At 20...

I colored my hair to be fun and try something new.

At nearly 40...

I color my hair because I have to.

At 20...

I wore a bikini because I looked good.

At nearly 40...

I wear a tankini because it is much easier to go to the bathroom in one.

At 20...

I could dance and party in high heels until 2AM and wake up in the morning feeling great.

At nearly 40...

I could lie on the couch reading until 2AM and wake up in the morning feeling like I partied all night in high heels.

At 20...

I was asked once if I was a ballerina.

At nearly 40...

I was recently asked if I was pregnant.

At 20...

I could wear high heels all day and all night if I chose to.

At nearly 40...

I have to put orthopedic inserts in my shoes so my heels won't hurt all day.

Honestly I would never want to go back to being 20, but I wouldn't mind having my 20 year old body again.

15 comments:

Family Adventure said...

Oh, Heidi, I hear ya! Do I ever! Although I'm still steaming at that silly lady who dared to inquire into your gravida status. The nerve!

But everything else -- oh yeah, I'm there with ya!

Heidi

Suzy said...

Very funny, Heidi. Can't write more, have to go take a laxative and my neo-natal vitamins while my orthopedic inserts are still in my shoes.

Shelly Overlook said...

OMG, this is hilarious and SO TRUE. You are genius.

MereCat said...

Man that just hurt to read. So close to home! Why just the other day, while I was arching to hold one of my heavy twins, this 6 year old kid said, "Geez! Are you having another one!" Fortunately for him, I was feeling gracious enough to let the little MF live to see another day.

Jess Riley said...

Very clever! I'm a few years from forty, but already I feel it whispering in my ear, reading over my shoulder, throwing spitballs in my hair.

Great post--but you also reminded me that I need to order some vitamins, so thanks!

Stephanie said...

Oh Heidi, you are just adorable!! That is so funny and so true, you made me laugh, thanks for that.
Hugs,
Stephanie

Alissa said...

HaHa! So true...and I'm only 33!

fold my laundry please said...

At 20, I was able to spend hours on the stairmaster and walk away like nothing happened.

At 32, 30 minutes on that blasted contraption leaves me in a sweaty, gasping, wheezing heap for the rest of the day!

I loved this post!

Gina said...

Ha! Fabulous post!

Lordy do I love the tankinis!

Anne said...

You are so right about which particular part you want back from 20. Now I understand. I wish I had makeup i could tatoo to my face. VERY FUNNY!

Karen MEG said...

Here, here!!!! You are too cute, Heidi! Funnily enough, though, I had more trouble turning 30 than I did 40.
If there's any consolation, there is life after 40, and if you try hard enough, there are days when you just might feel sort of like a hot mama, and not just because of the flashes LOL!

Lainey-Paney said...

i wouldn't mind having my 20 year old body back either...

Surcie said...

This is great, Heidi! (I'll turn 40 this year. Ugh.)

WillThink4Wine said...

Ouch. I'm 53. You can barely imagine my list.

Glad to see Verizon playing nice agian!

Badness Jones said...

Me too! And at the time I thought I was fat and ugly....but I was so hot! Sigh....