Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Kiss Me, I Might Be Irish

Well, it's now been over a year since I hired the private investigator's to find my biological family and still nothing. I emailed the PI every few months over the last year and each time she emailed me back not to give up. That they had leads but nothing concrete, yet. I emailed them last week and asked if it was time for me to give up and I haven't gotten a response back yet.

I don't think about it everyday but I know it's always lurking somewhere in my subconscious mind. I felt it creep to the surface yesterday when I was at the ear doctors office filling out forms, and of course the section was there which asked for my family history. For a second I thought perhaps I could just tell them Hus's history, I mean, he is my closest family. I paused when I came to that part, and tried to to ignore the heaviness that crept into my chest. It's not like I would cry at the doctors office, but I could have. Obviously that means it still bothers me.

Recently I've been working with my doctor to find reasons why I've been so tired and unmotivated for the last year or so. Bad work and sleep schedule? Seasonal Affective Depressive Disorder? Peri menopause? Depression? She also brought up my adoption search and that it's around the time I hired them that my mood and energy started to decline. She thinks that because hiring them was a last resort and having them fail to find any answers, I've lost hope.

I've always had hope. But is it realistic, should I just accept that I won't ever know? If I had the energy, I would take myself to see a shrink, I still might. Maybe then I could just get on with my life. There really aren't that many options left for me. I will try writing letters to TV shows, but long shot's there I'm sure. I did apply to The Locator and never heard anything.

Anyways, Irish or not, here are this years Leprechaun trap's. T, my 6yo and I each made one. E, my 11yo was too old or too cool. Of course tonight when we set them out, she asked if she was still going to get something from the leprechaun, ya know, candy. HA! Not too cool for candy I guess.

T's Trap, complete with spun gold to entice the little Leprechauns.

My trap, sure to attract female Leprechauns with the idea of getting a spun gold make-over.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!


Shelly Overlook said...

I always think of you when I see that show where the guy finds lost families. I know you checked it out, but every time I see it, I want to yell at the tv for them to help you.

I'll kiss you, Irish or not!

darsden said...

I cannot imagine how you feel every time you have to view the family history box! I pray for you to find the answers you are looking for. NEVER give up on HOPE because that is the ONE thing that is always present...HOPE! If you can't find your answers I pray for peace in your heart honey. YOU are a great person and don't deserve going through this.

darsden said...

ps I think those are the coolest traps I have ever seen :-)

Bethany AKA Mother of the Munchkins said...

Oh my goodness, way too cute and absolutely creative! I'd such a hard time helping Brianne with her leprechaun trap. Completely blank but did manage to make a second one since our first got a bit of wear and tear and was kind of boring. Also, I've nominated you for a beautiful blogger award. The art, listing and info is at the original post: http://motherofthemunchkins.blogspot.com/2010/03/at-long-last-leprechaun-trap-fiasco-is.html

Barb said...

I'm so sorry they haven't been successful in getting the answers you seek. You may never. But you are still you, no matter who your biological parents were.

I found out at 38 who my biological father was, and it wasn't the best news - not by a stretch. It did however make me all the more thankful (if that is possible) for the Dad who has raised me from an infant.

Lainey-Paney said...

Oh, the annual leprechaun traps make me smile!

Wishing 4 One said...

What a cool cool project to do. I am not too cool for candy and would so make one of those girl. I hope something comes along with your search, I can't even begin to know how hard it must be.

doggie mamma said...

Whoever your birth parents might be, you will always belong and be part of our crazy family! always!
xoxoxo Karen

Jae said...

These pics are too funny! I remember those crop tops and the long necklaces ... the 80s rocked!