I don't think about it everyday but I know it's always lurking somewhere in my subconscious mind. I felt it creep to the surface yesterday when I was at the ear doctors office filling out forms, and of course the section was there which asked for my family history. For a second I thought perhaps I could just tell them Hus's history, I mean, he is my closest family. I paused when I came to that part, and tried to to ignore the heaviness that crept into my chest. It's not like I would cry at the doctors office, but I could have. Obviously that means it still bothers me.
Recently I've been working with my doctor to find reasons why I've been so tired and unmotivated for the last year or so. Bad work and sleep schedule? Seasonal Affective Depressive Disorder? Peri menopause? Depression? She also brought up my adoption search and that it's around the time I hired them that my mood and energy started to decline. She thinks that because hiring them was a last resort and having them fail to find any answers, I've lost hope.
I've always had hope. But is it realistic, should I just accept that I won't ever know? If I had the energy, I would take myself to see a shrink, I still might. Maybe then I could just get on with my life. There really aren't that many options left for me. I will try writing letters to TV shows, but long shot's there I'm sure. I did apply to The Locator and never heard anything.
Anyways, Irish or not, here are this years Leprechaun trap's. T, my 6yo and I each made one. E, my 11yo was too old or too cool. Of course tonight when we set them out, she asked if she was still going to get something from the leprechaun, ya know, candy. HA! Not too cool for candy I guess.
T's Trap, complete with spun gold to entice the little Leprechauns.
My trap, sure to attract female Leprechauns with the idea of getting a spun gold make-over.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!