Nine Going on Fifteen

What happened to my sweet little baby girl? The one who used to like to wear pretty dresses and let me do her hair? The one who used to come running to me when I would pick her up from pre-school? The one who would talk for hours non-stop? So much so that I would have to ask her, beg her for some quiet time. She's still there, I know she is, living somewhere perhaps not so deep inside my sweet big girl or trapped in the pages of my scrapbooks. She's the one who won't wear dresses or let me do her hair and now who now gives me attitude instead of kisses when she comes home from school. The one who keeps secrets from me because she shares them with her girlfriend instead. Sometimes, especially right before falling asleep at night, that little girl returns. Maybe it's because she's tired she lets her guard down, or maybe because at this time I can really focus and listen to her and her alone, that at night sometimes she comes back to me.

She is a big girl now, all of 9 years old, going on 15. She used to have pictures of kitty's on her wall and hearts and frilly little girl things. She couldn't go to sleep without her ballerina music box playing. Now she begs to stay up later so she can watch another teeny bopper show and her walls are covered with posters of her favorite idols. She has a best girlfriend who she talks to on the phone about school and TV shows and whatever 9 year old girls talk about everyday. She even went to her first real teeny bopper concert a few weeks ago.

E tries to be a good girl and I try to be a good mom, but it's not easy. We can become easily frustrated with each other and while I am supposed to be the adult, sometimes she can bring me down to her level without much effort. I try to empathize by remembering how hard it can be for a kid, all the pressure of schoolwork, relationships and especially new feelings, body changes, bullies and extra curricular activities can make them tired and decrease their ability to control themselves. Same goes for mama's, especially the tired part. I yell a lot more when I am tired, it only makes sense.

The pictures above were taken of E's bedroom when it was in the loft. We recently had to move her to a room closer to our bedroom because she "can't sleep soo far away" from us. I guess she is not such a big girl after all.

Just for fun, and because I like flashbacks, here are some of mama's teen idols.