Last week I was having a particularly stressful day at home with my kids. I had no patience with them that morning, like many mornings, but this one for some reason I felt more agitated. Every word out of their mouths was making my muscles feel like they were being constricted. If I heard the word "Mama" one more time my head would explode! I can't even remember what happened or what they were doing to drive me insane that day. But I felt like I just had to escape for a few minutes at least, alone. I find it very difficult most days to continuously answer questions and always pay attention to what my kids are doing. "Watch this Mama, I can jump on one foot" "Look Mama, that's a tree!" "Mama, I am hungry". Sometimes I snap. "Listen, people, Mama needs to not hear the word Mama for a while, can you just go do something by yourselves which doesn't involve hitting one another with a croquet mallet?" Yes, my son attempted to hit E while she was swinging on our tire swing because he thought it should be his turn! Yikes! Sometimes I even YELL!
Anyways I left my two children inside while I went outside claiming I needed to get something from the van. I really went outside to clean the van and I didn't want help. While I was sorting through all the trash and papers thrown about the vehicle, I came across this song E had written. My heart sank. It is so sweet. I wondered how long ago it was written, it had to be after Christmas as that is when she got her guitar.
So maybe my yelling once in a while and need for time on my own is not scarring my kids mentally for life. I really hope not. I really do love them and I am glad E knows it.
6 comments:
What a beautiful post. I don't have children but I felt every second of your annoyance and every second of your joy in finding E's song.
You're a good mama. Trust me, I've had a mom and you're one of the good ones. Probably one of the best ones.
Isn't it amazing how kids can drive you insane one second and melt your heart the next?
The melting makes all of the insanity worthwhile.
P.S. EVERY mom yells, gets annoyed, needs some time alone. Not every mom has kids who love and knows that they're loved. You ARE doing a good job.
I so know how you feel. I feel that way, too. Sometimes they'll drive me crazy and I'll snap at them and they'll say "Mama?" and I'll say "What now?" and the response will be "I still love you?" and I know they're just being manipulative but maybe not and either way they DO still love me. Kids are awesome. And YOU are a great mom.
Ditto here. I spent a lovely day w/ my kid saturday. The first time in a long long time where we didn't fight. I told her "I love you today". I love her every day of course, but I especially loved her that day.
oh, that song is just so sweet.
one day while putting h to bed, he asked why he had to go to bed when it was still light out (at 9:30 on the westernmost edge of eastern standard time). i said 'cause mama needs a break from being mama.
What a beautiful song! Hope you are well and feeling less angst :) Although my new car stereo only goes to 34! Probably good for my hearing :)
Missing you guys ... but loving where I am at!
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