I thought that summer would be a time for sleeping late,relaxing and having fun. I even posted earlier that I was thinking about decreasing my anti-anxiety and insomnia meds. I was soooo wrong. I have been able at times to sleep later, but that's it. Everyday I have been dealing with kids that can't get along. They constantly yell at each other and threaten bodily harm. Of course at times actually harming one another! It's all Mama Mama Mama Look at Meeee Look at Mmmeeeeee! I don't want to look at them all the time. Some days I don't care about seeing their coloring projects or see T jump on one foot. I just want to be left alone for just a few damn minutes. One day I heard both of them screaming from outside. I went out to see what the fucking problem was now. I found T swinging a wooden croquet mallet at E because he thought it was his turn to swing on the tire swing. YIKES!
It seems my anxiety has been steadily increasing with each passing minute I have to spend with these demon children. On some days, by 11 am even, I was already tearing through my medicine cabinet in search of anything that might help my nerves. One day I took an Ativan meant for my dentist appointment, one day I found an old Darvocet. Do I have to become a drug addict in order to deal with my kids. I just can't handle the noise, yelling, petty jealousies and constant need for attention most days. Finally, having no more meds hidden away, I resorted to separating them at the first sign of bickering. That did help a little. I also made an appointment to see my doctor to update my meds....
Then, Monday came and E started her week of Girl Scout day camp. Wow, what a difference in the home atmosphere. T and I had a wonderful quiet day together. No yelling, fighting and he even was able to entertain himself for over and hour with his cars. I asked him to come swimming with me and he said "not now, I am playing with my cars". Really? He, at this very moment, on this now Thursday day 4 of E being away, is playing by himself with his Tinker Toys. I even WANT to go play with him.
It is not all E's fault and I don't want you to think that I blame it on her alone. Even though she can be a real bitch for a 9 year old. T turns into an annoying little brother when she is around, and she doesn't for the most part want to be near him.
While T and I were hanging around outside on Monday we noticed this strange flying insect on our flowers we have never seen before. I looked it up and I think it is a Hummingbird Moth. It is just slightly larger than a bumblebee with wings that work like a Hummingbirds. It is very pretty and it wasn't bothered by me shoving the camera at it for a close shot. It has come back to these same flowers everyday since.
I have no idea what the flowers are called. I just named them Paisley because of their shape. Maybe one of you know?
Pretty Paisley Flowers