Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Vectors and Vermin

I spent the weekend in a hell dimension where fire and rain live simultaneously in freakish harmony and where vectors enjoy eating you and vermin stop by during breakfast to steal your bagel. What horrid place on earth is this you ask?
Hus and I have always said we are not "camping type people". We prefer to either rent a cottage or small apartment at the ocean for our annual vacation. Set up is minimal when we first arrive and clean up is also not much when we leave. Which leaves the week to play.
We have planned a Disney Vacation for this coming Fall so we couldn't afford to go for our beach vaca too. Hus and I, for some reason, most likely egging on by the children, decided we should try camping at a lake for a weekend getaway.
Well, we did it and if I ever mention doing it again, be sure to shoot me.
Camping is too much freaking work WORK WORK WORK!
Pack the car and truck, unpack the car and truck, set up tents, set up needed items around campsite like shampoo and conditioner, HA, spray yourself with bug spray (hoping it will work because some of those mosquito's are bigger than your head). Start a fire that Hus will magically keep going the whole trip. Cover tents with tarps because it is raining. Go for hike to find bathrooms and showers that cost money. No quarters, no shower. Hike to lake. Go back to tents, cook food. Sit around by citronella candles playing games while kids fight and I yell, then remember that here, camping, I have neighbors!
Move big tent into lean too because it is still raining and the tarps are not helping. Sleep together, poke whoever is snoring throughout the night. Wake up at six AM with a full bladder but don't want to hike to the bathroom, but can't pee outside when it is light out, so you try and hold it and go back to sleep hoping you don't pee the tent. Then struggle to get your tired fat old butt off the hard tent floor in the morning so you can enjoy a warm cup of instant coffee while wrestling a skunk for your bagel.
You get the picture. Thankfully it didn't rain the next day but there were still the mosquito's, hiking, fighting, more hiking and more cooking.
I ran out of wine by lunch time the second day. I forgot that when camping you have to start drinking at breakfast.
My hands felt sticky the whole time. Wipeys just don't cut it no matter what Brad Pitt says.
Now I know why most campers I know, bring a mini house with them when they go.


darsden said...

rotflmfao...I know I only went camping like that once too..and everything you spoke was the truth where we were too..but back then they didn't even have pay showers. It was the creek or nothing! I never need a vacation that bad again to go through all that!

Ann's Rants said...

Couldn't agree with you more. And yet, I'm sure we'll be packing our asses up next summer to shore up nostalgia for our children's future...

Suzy said...

I hate camping and I can't believe you lived thru it. You brave thing.

otin said...

I just cannot get a good nights sleep when I have tried camping, I am so tired the next day after I get up, and then I feel grungy! Give me a motel 6 LMAO!

Anonymous said...

Could not agree with you more!

chicamom85 said...

It is a lot of work. My husband and I used to love to camp and then one year we looked at each other and said, "What are we doing?". That was the last time lol.


barb said...

Like I've always said, my idea of camping is a cheap hotel. My Ex-husband and I did the tent thing once. I made him drive me home half-way through the first night. No.Thanks!

Ma said...

I went camping on Lake George once with husband #1 and some good friends who did all of the work. My big entertainment was killing flies and feeding them to a fish who I could always find staked out over her nest of eggs. Perhaps that's what kept me from going berserk. Wait a minute - I'm leaving home to do all the crap I have to do there but with no modern conveniences and with biting bugs? Crazy I'm not.

Hit 40 said...

Oh my heavens... everything sounds so fun and relaxing when you are just planning. I am curious if your kids want to go back? I bet they had a great time.

Zip n Tizzy said...

La-la-la... (hands over ears) I can't hear you...La-la-la... Let's see, where's that damn flashlight?
We're in the packing stages over here.
Every morning the kids wake up first thing in the morning, "IS IT TODAY? DO WE GO TODAY?!"
I was actually thinking to myself, I don't know what we'll do if it's raining, but out here, that's not as likely.
We do it every year, sometimes a couple times, because the kids LOVE it - probably more than anything else on earth.
It should be easy when they move away from home- give 'em a tent, and send them on their way!

Wishing 4 One said...

Me too ROTFLMAO!!! That so sounds like I would be, but you are better as I would NOT even think about trying it! Maybe Super S would, but me, no.freakin.way.ever! Camping blows....

Anonymous said...

Heidi you crack me up. I almost fell off the couch reading this posting. My parents carry arond the mini house on wheels and it's sooo much better. The kids love staying in the tent but i prefer the camper.

P.S. please don't wrestle with skunks for anything...the results are not so good:)