Thursday, August 27, 2009

Mama's Panic Attack

Sorry I haven't been around to visit lately, I've been a little stressed out. Actually I've been a lot stressed out.
For years I have had anxiety and depression, more anxiety than depression. The most troubling symptom I have is obsessive thinking. Some days I can't shut down my brain. I've tried several antidepressants and anti anxiety meds and have found that Lexapro works the best for me. Most days I can handle my thoughts and talk myself into letting them go out of my head, most days. There are certain things that trigger my anxiety, kids fighting, monthly hormones, my mother, kids fighting, lack of sleep, guilt, and did I mention kids fighting?
Well combine all those things at the same time and you have the perfect combination for me to have an anxiety attack.
Last week I had all these things together creating the perfect storm for my brain to go into overload. The kids had enough of each other, I was feeling pressure to get them ready for school, I didn't get enough sleep, my period is late which means my hormones were at an all time high,and I was feeling guilty wondering if I spent enough time playing with the kids over the summer. I particularly was feeling guilty for not following up with teaching T how to tie his shoes. We did it a few times but then just sort of forgot about it. I mean what kind of horrible mother am I, allowing him to get sneakers with Velcro instead of ties.
So what happens when I have all these worries is that I will obsess about them and if there are too many worries then my brain creates new make-believe worries. For example on my way to work on Tuesday, I kept imagining bizarre horrible accidents my kids could be in, I tried to talk myself down and say "It's just a weird thought, let it go"but they wouldn't go away. My heart started racing, I felt short of breath and chest tightness. I finally took a Xanax, just a half, and managed to get to work where my mind could focus on work instead of my personal life. Having the stress become so out of control is a rare occurrence for me, thankfully.
I'm feeling slightly better today. Yesterday was the first day of school and after I dropped the kids off, I came home and went straight to bed, where I stayed until 1:30PM! Just me and Cokee, cuddling and dozing on and off. It was wonderful.
Today I am tired but it's my own damn fault for staying up too late reading; I also still don't have my period, UGH! No, not pregnant, just starting peri-menopause. I would go back to bed now but there are men putting in a new bathroom floor right now. Maybe when they leave.


darsden said...

Oh bless your heart honey and yes I have been wondering where you were just thought it was a holiday. Sorry, I didn't check in before now. Big {hugs}

Ann's Rants said...

It's so easy to hop on the anxiety train.

The only way back for me is to return to the moment.

Oh yeah...THIS is what is REALLY happening.

Anonymous said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry.

You know, I have yet to meet an adult man that cannot tie his own shoes. It'll happen eventually, don't you worry.

Thank goodness for school is all I can say. I'm counting the days myself.

Big hugs to you!

Wishing 4 One said...

HUGS man! Hope you got to get a nap in. Oh and our blogs are not the same anymore....feel better soon. xoxoxo

otin said...

Stress things are always going to be there, the trick is just to let go of them! I am an overthinker and a bad hypochondriac, but I try not to let it get to me.

chicamom85 said...

I have suffered for years from agoraphobia and panic attacks. I understand everything you mentioned. I am in control for right now, but I feel like I always live in fear of a new attack. I just had my meds changed as well and am doing ok. If you need to vent you can always email me and I will understand and be a strong shoulder if you need it.

God bless you Anne

Anonymous said...

So much of what you wrote sounds so familiar to me. I hope you are able to get on top of it soon! You are a strong, intelligent, funny woman. I know you will be alright.
Take it easy. :)
BTW, the guys putting in the new bathroom, are they perve-worthy? Maybe you could release some stress by perving on.... I mean supervising their work!

Bee said...

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. :o)

I can relate since I've had those feelings since I was a teenager. I'd sometimes come home from school because I was sure my little brother might choke something and his babysitter wouldn't be able to help him.

deb said...

I hear you... loud and clear. For what it is worth know you are so not alone in these struggles. And, yes, there are times they are immensely overwhelming with no end in sight. Good for you though for attempting to take care of yourself, for getting yourself what you need. I, too, am available if you need a shoulder.... or a venting board.

Anonymous said...

You should opt for xanax only after getting hold of a xanax prescription and altogether it is essential to take xanax in accordance with the instructions of a physician. So, take xanax as per the instructions of the physician and get rid of anxiety at the earliest!

Greg said...

Nice one. A very well-written post on methods to attack anxiety.Here is a very good wesbite that has plenty of guides regarding simple methods toattack anxiety. Thought I might share it with you. It's at

Cassandra_Evers said...

I think depression can cause panic attack. You should clear your negative thought and think on your positive side of your life.

Cassandra said...

I understand you that panic attack really affects your life and the life of your family. You should always take time to rest.

alprazolam said...

Less panic attacks and helps keep you relaxed and open minded. Less stress keeps you panic free and it lowers the stress at least 75% while on the Xanax compared to Lexapro and many others I tried for anxiety and depression.