Tuesday, April 21, 2009

When I'm 85

If I live to be 85 I will...

-Start smoking cigarettes again.

-Eat chocolate cake every morning with my coffee.

-Learn how to play the drums.

-Take my sleeping pill and try to stay awake.(Oh, I already do that)

-Drop the F*bomb every other sentence, especially when talking with my grandchildren.

-Stop going to the dentist, unless he'll just let me inhale some nitrous for a few minutes.

-Trade my station wagon for a motorcycle.(One with a side car so I can take Hus with me)

-Buy a cane so I can hit people with it.

-Switch the covers on my DVDs to covers from Porn movies.

-Smoke pot again.

-Have a Pharming Party with all drugs from my friends medicine cabinets.

-Try Ecstasy. ("Hey grandson, don't forget to score me that dime bag and while your at it, pick me up some F*-en Ecstasy too, I'll share." "Yes, Grandma.")

Late Entry: Quit my job!


barb said...

My Dad will be 85 in 4 years. I hope he doesn't start any of that stuff while he's living with me! Well, except the chocolate cake every morning with coffee thing. I'm all for that right now!

Anonymous said...

sounds like you'll be the "hippest" grandma in town! I wouldn't be surprized to see you have a 100 adopted "grandchildren" - especiallly if you drop the f-bomb and take E's!

MereCat said...

Let's make a plan to live together when we are old. I'll save you a space with me.

Kate The Great said...


Kristin said...

OMG...you are too funny!

darsden said...

I sure hope you are a long way from 85...LOL, cause your gonna kill yourself being bad... ;-)

Mommy With a Penis said...

Ecstasy is on my list as well. But you forgot a full blow Roman orgy. Don't know if all the equipment will operate properly at 85, but it would be on my list. Thanks for the visit. Hutch

Michel said...

It is good to have goals.

I back you on your list. I intend to eat donuts every day if I live that long - hell if I live to 50 I might do that...