Sunday, November 11, 2007

Women Should Know Better

I wrote a draft of this post while sitting in my car waiting for E to get out of dance class today. Three pages later I realized that I hadn't even gotten to an explanation of the title. Who wants to read so many words just to get to my point? Not me, especially during Nablopomo! Of course if I had a lap-top computer the point would be mute as I would have just typed the sucker up and be done with it.
So I am going to try an give the short winded version of this post. I have mentioned here before that I have been trying, without success, to lose the weight I put on while pregnant with T. I have always been thin, and even losing my prego weight from E was easy through Weight Watchers. Probably many factors contribute to my failure. For example, I am older( I will be 40 in February)(this fact bothers me much less than my weight!), I was taking antidepressants and I work 3-11 shift so on a few nights a week I only get 4-5 hours of sleep. I am tired, tired most of the time, too tired to exercise or pay attention to my food intake. I am working with my doc and I have, at least temporarily stopped my antidepressant, getting blood work done and hopefully will have a sleep study done soon too. I am also this close (about a 1/4 inch space between my pointer finger and my thumb) away from smoking. When I smoked I was thin!
Again I have gone off track. E had an open house for her grade school last week, and we all went of course, even though we've seen the school a million times! While in her classroom I ran into another mom whom I haven't seen in a while. She said to me as she pointed to my stomach "Are you and (pointed to my hus) expecting?". I was shocked, I felt the color drain away from my face. You see, I was dressed up that evening, hair and makeup done, nice clothes on etc., because I was meeting a girlfriend later in the eve for dinner and a movie, so I thought I looked good. I said to Katie, I will call her that because that is her name,"No, I just gained some weight". She then laughed and said "Noooooo, your kidden right?" My hus who had been talking with the teacher, came to me and stood at my side, a look of fear on his face. I think he was preparing to stop me from strangling Katie. I, however, was not angry, just hurt. So I said to Katie " That is not a polite thing to ask a woman" and I walked out of the room, completely mortified. My hus came quickly after me. He right away said "Don't let her get to you, look at who said it, she is not the sharpest tool in the shed, that's why people don't like her, she is dumb". And I said "she is also about 100 pounds heavier than me too!" And I said, "why is it that it is always women who ask if you are pregnant?" The last time someone asked me (a woman) was when I was thin and I still got upset. My hus said "Because men know better, we just ask if a woman had a boob job?" trying to make me laugh.
I left the school and headed off to see my friend. I tried really hard not to cry on my way to meet her, but still I shed some tears. I told my friend what happened and she said the same thing happened to her when she was only 120 pounds and it upset her too. She looks to be about that weight now. We had a great time together that evening,and I forgot all about the incident, then I cried the whole way home.


Anonymous said...

Oh, that would have upset me, too! Some people are just super-insensitive, and really, just dumb.

I am always unhappy with my weight/size. Always. But I can never quite seem to do something about it. I'll eat less, or exercise a tad more, but it's going to take a real committed effort to lose any more weight.

How come we can't just be happy with what we look like. Women should know better than to ask such stupid questions, but as women we also need to learn to accept ourselves for who we are and not worry about what others think.

If you figure out how to do that, please let me know, because I'll be the first in line to try your methods.

Kellan said...

I often say that women are always around to offer "unsolcited" opinions on every thing - men don't do this - they choose the path of least resistence - to earn points. Women sometimes don't care about earning points.

Karen MEG said...

Oh, women are the worst to each other sometimes. That is such a silly, stupid question to ask anyone...honestly, what a twit! I know you know better than to take what she said to heart, but it is really difficult, especially when it's just so personal. It's a direct comment on your body, and no matter how comfortable you are with it, it is still extremely personal.
It is so hard to lose the weight after baby, with more than one child, working, etc. and especially so when you're a little, um, older (I'm over 40 now, and ...breathing..., I can finally admit it).
I remember I thought I'd try my kids' hairstylist when little G was about 10 months old. I didn't have a regular stylist, and she was already cutting DH's hair too, found out she was a colorist as well, so I booked the appt. Well, remember, she knows my kids and she knew me when I was pregnant. When I went in for my appt., she patted my tummy and said "So, is there another one on the way?"
I was mortified. It was the worst haircut ever; I could barely talk to her the whole time. Ian thought it looked pretty good when I got home, but I said it was awful.

I haven't gone back to her myself, but will for the kids (she's good with them). I don't think you can blame me.

Suzy said...

I agree with the other commenters. Women are so mean to each other. Men don't do this to each other. Is it because women have lower self-esteem? Is this why we can't have a female President? Because other women will just bag on her?

Thank God for Oprah.

Family Adventure said...

I don't think she was being mean, but she was incredibly *stupid*. I think your husband was right - an IQ way below the norm.

I also don't know why we women are so eager to inquire into all kinds of personal affairs. It's not our finest trait.

I know the weight thing is frustrating. And it just keeps getting harder as we get older. With your schedule, I'm not surprised you are having problems eating a balanced diet and finding time for exercise. But there could be a medical problem, too - have you checked your thyroid? Maybe that's what the blood work is for?

If you are working with your doctor, I'm sure you'll figure something out. BUT! In the meantime, please don't let the weight thing consume you! I have friends - adult women - who are focusing on weight to the point of exclusion of anything else in their lives. It is so sad, but so easy to get sucked into. Life is about so much more than weighing 120 pounds.

Don't let an insensitive, not too bright woman bring you down! I'm sure you looked *fab* that evening!

Hugs to you! Heidi

Anonymous said...

You're right, women SHOULD know better, but they rarely do. I agree that she was being mean. Maybe not purposefully but in insulting you, I bet she made her pathetic self feel a tiny bit better. I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

i just wrote hi first to see if i could remember my password, etc. misery loves company and that is probably what she wanted for join her dark side. there are those that are sincere...and those just trying to make themselves feel better. despite how you feel right now, you are a beautiful person inside and out. remember that and all you have to offer.

Gina said...

I'm sorry she was such a stupid idiot. I am sure it was a shock to you to hear that from someone, especially when you felt so great about how you were looking. But, as hard as it is, don't let her one idiotic question affect the way you see yourself! I am sure you are beautiful just the way you are.

And PLEASE do not take up smoking again.

Andie D. said...

What an effing ASS. I hope she felt bad about what she said; bad enough to never, ever ask again.

I've thought about smoking again too. It sucks that when I was smoking I was thin & anxious. On antidepressants, I don't want to smoke, I'm not anxious, but I'm heavier and that makes me depressed. Catch 22.

Anne said...

You've got a good husband. That WAS a dumb thing to say. She deserves whatever she gets. I am turning 50 and going thru major issues. I just lost ten pounds and am back at my post pregnancy weight - I was always small and thin. I think you should expect to gain at least twenty lbs from highschool. I have been looking at the stars and people like Goldie Hawn? she looks like she's at least twenty lbs over her weight in her twenties. (I started smoking - not much but a little. I've got issues I have to quit). The best thing for you would be to get off nights and probably have your children grow up ...(which is going to take a few years). It is hard to put yourself first when you've got others who depend on you. My son is seventeen and I've finally, finally feel i can take the ME time. Good luck. I hope that woman has a flat tire, or her cat pukes in her bed. Something awful but not life threatening.