This Winter can't go by fast enough. I know you're not supposed to rush time away because you only have so much, but I am already sick of winter. Luckily, time has been flying by and the weather hasn't been so bad. So far.

Ya, I don't want to hear that I chose to live here. I know, and for the most part I do like it here. I just really really don't like winter weather. Snow is okay but last year we had so many ice storms it was scary. I'll even take sleet over freezing rain because at least your tires have something to grip on.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I had a fun time at the SIL's house. I drank half of the bottle of wine shown below, which is a double size bottle! I would have drank more but I started to get tired.

We played a game called The Game of Things. It was pretty funny. Mostly because everyone was drinking alcohol (there was one relative on parole that couldn't drink). I mean the grown-ups were drinking alcohol. The kids were just smoking pot...JUST KIDDING!

I got the best gifts ever...


a giant wine glass, a giant cheap bottle of wine, home-made book marks-which I had to beg the kids to make-because I'm always losing them and have to use tissue as a page marker-and hand sanitizer.

Tony's favorite gifts by far...


giant plastic shelves to sort his legos, and hand sanitizer.


Em...


got another book.

Papa got an over-sized fluffy blanket. For which he announced that if anyone is caught using it, he'll break their arms! He's vicious. So are we, because we laughed at him.

Happy almost New Year!

Miscellaneous Manure 13

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I love playing tricks on my Hus. A few weeks ago, I refilled an empty bottle of unscented lotion with rose scented lotion. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. Finally I asked Hus if he noticed anything about the lotion and that's when he told me he doesn't use lotion! He uses baby oil after showers and Burts Bee's hand cream. How could I not know this?

Last week, I was doing what I could to prevent my having allergy symptoms. I bought all new hypoallergenic make-up, but forgot to get new face lotion, so I decided to try using some of the regular unscented lotion we had, which said hypoallergenic on the label.

I put it on my face. AAAHHHHH! WTF? I forgot that I had switched the lotion. I'm such a loser.

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Tony has been taking karate this year. He managed to get is orange belt already. He loves karate. Tony didn't like playing baseball because he's the type of kid that needs to know what to do, exactly what to do. None of the 7yo baseball players seemed to know what to do except hit the ball and run. As far as what to do with the ball if someone hits it to you, no clue.

He likes that, in Karate, he's taught very specific moves and routines. It's structured and the Sensei is strict, yet very nice and patient.

When we watched Tony perform for his orange belt, I said to Hus. "He seems to really know what he's doing."

Hus replied "Well, we think he does. She could be teaching whatever she wants and we'll never know if it's really karate or not.LOL!"
************************************

I've changed the kids nicknames to other nicknames we use. Someone (Suzy) complained that Ant-1 didn't roll of her tongue easy enough and that Snemma makes her think of "smegma"! Also Em does not like me to call her Snemma here, preferring her other nickname Em. So Tony and Em it is.
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Happy Hanukkah! Still!

Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah! Yes the first night of Hanukkah is tonight, but because I have to work, we celebrated last night. Poor kids, having to get their first night presents early.

I grew up in a predominately non-Jewish neighborhood. The only time my friends were jealous of me was when Hanukkah came early. The rest of the year, I think they felt sorry for me. I felt sorry for me.

Even though my parents had told me a "truth" about Santa at a very young age, I still believed, because kids do that. Some Xmas Eves I would look out the window, searching the sky, and wondering why the fat bastard didn't come to my house!

My kids are fortunate to celebrate both holidays. They don't get more presents than any of their friends, but the gifts are just spread out.

Last night we lit the candles and we said the Hanukkah prayer in Hebrew. At least I think it was the Hanukkah prayer, maybe it was the Sabbath prayer with a "shell Hanukkah" thrown in at the end. Bad Jew.

Grandma always sends eight presents each to the kids, luckily one of them was not a visit from her this year. We just saw her at TG!

Ant-1's gift from Hus and I, although Hus will never know how much I spent on it, even though I saved $30 off retail by shopping Amazon! Lego's are very expensive, but my son loves them. He has many of the Star Wars Lego kits and know covets the Harry Potter ones.



Don't let the quote fool you. She also upgraded her phone, but we had to do it last week when we could bring in her old phone.

For the first evening in a long time, my daughter spent her time, not on FB or Skype, but drawing instead.

I hope, no matter what holiday you celebrate, that you get a present that takes your breath away!

You Shouldn't Eat Family on Thanksgiving

Grandma, my mother, is here for Thanksgiving. She has somehow managed to make it a tradition that she stay two nights for the holiday instead of one. I know that wasn't my idea.

I shouldn't really complain. She keeps Ant-1 busy her entire stay by doing anything he wants. Hide in Seek, board games, cards. I tried to warn her about the playing cards before they started today, that he is not a very good loser, and he doesn't like to playing by the rules, but she let him win.

I also shouldn't complain about grandma because she just handed me a $50 bill. She said it's for the turkey and other food I bought. I'm not going to tell her I got the $7 turkey for free. Actually, I got two turkeys for free. Except they were not really free because I had to spend $500 TWICE to get them.

I spend way too much money on groceries.

Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving, and don't have to cook a family member.

Poor Big Bird.

Saturday Sounds 24 or Do You Love Me?

I love this song. It makes me happy.




Hus hates this song because it gets stuck in his head and he can't stop himself from singing it out loud at times. (I heard him in the shower!)

Ant-One likes the video because the band is wearing long underwear.

Snemma could care less either way.

The Cow That Was Mad

In previous posts, I have shared some of my daughters writings. Ant-One has only been writing a short time but has already written several stories. This is one of his earliest works but still one of my favorites.

The Cow That Was Mad

one day thar was a cow that was so mad. that he rect the gate. that was rite in frent of him. when the farmr got home he was so mad that he sole the cow.


Note the drawing on the bottom of the page of the cow being auctioned off! Batman is clearly being outbid by some anonymous dude on the stage to the right. What would Batman want with a cow anyways?

I Got a Lot Done These Past Six Weeks Off

I've had almost six weeks off from work since my Carpal Tunnel surgery. I had big plans for this time, lots of stuff on my to do list. Did I get all of it done? Not even close.

I had hoped to write 4 complete chapters of my book and a query letter for it. HA! I only wrote 3 chapters, very rough draft chapters, and Googled query letters. The thing is that I already wrote 3 chapters a long time ago, but decided to change perspective from 3rd to 1st person. Hus is the only one I've told what the book is about, and he's not remembering! All I'll say for now is that the book is fiction, fantasy, sci-fi, young adult, but there are NO vampires, NO werewolves and NO aliens.

I had planned to get the house organized and fix any little fix-it problems needed. I did clean off the top of the kitchen cabinets but that's about it. I really wanted to sew a small torn area on our favorite chair that has stuffing poking out of it. For now I jut stare at the fluff and think, well maybe tomorrow. Maybe if Ant-One would stop jumping on it, the hole would stop growing.

What I've done mostly is sleep late, feel unmotivated most of the afternoon, then drive the kids around to their lives.

Hus said he'll miss me when I go back to work this Thursday.

I said "Oh, I'm sure you will be glad to have a break from me.."

To which he replied "Well, I meant it was nice to have you around to take the kids all the places they need to go to."

Ya, I thought so.

I'm sure if I had sex with him every night, he would miss me more, but I had no motivation for that either!

At least Ant-One will miss me and be sure to make me feel guilty about working too.

Kid Stuff That Should Not Be Given To Kids

*Board games*
Starts off like regular enjoyable family fun, but quickly turns into a crying, tantrum, sore loser, let's throw fake money all over the house type of fun.

*Books*
Yes, that's books. First you have to read to the children, over and over and over, then when they can read, you have to listen to them read to you, over and over and over...

*Water guns*
These are only fun when they are filled with booze and aimed directly into your mouth.

*Karaoke machine*
Unless the parents can carry a tune, chances are the kids won't be able to either.

*Glitter*
Obvious, right? I love glitter, but I only use it when I am annoyed with Hus because he absolutely hates glitter!

*Anything made out of cheap plastic*

Fun times for about 3 seconds until the toy breaks-see *Boardgames*

*Bicycles*
Cuz they will cry and scream until you take the training wheels off, then cry and scream until you put them back on.

What is the worse toy you can think of?

Happy Halloween!

I don't think she wanted to.

Well, she's 18 years old, she can do what she wants.

She love's it when I talk to her in my special "cat voice".

Such a Nice Italian Family

"Such a nice Italian family!" The Sensei said to me and Ant-One, my 7yo son, at Karate class.

"Um" cough, flush "Thanks" I replied.

I explained to the Sensei that, while Ant-One is part Italian, I don't know what I am. She shook her head and said "Oh, I can tell."

Being that my son has dark brown hair and eyes and another nick-name, besides Ant-One, that sounds very Italian, and he is at least 1/8 Italian, I can understand why she would assume that. However, I've never been told I look Italian, only Puerto Rican (when I was little) and American (heh heh) now.

I would love find out I was really Italian, or Puerto Rican or any other nationality, rather than the alien from another planet, I think I am.

Because I obsess about these superficial external traits in myself and my family, I'll share with you. I also obsess about personality traits too, but don't want you to have to read a book right now.

This is a photo of my mother in law Sylvia, when she graduated from High School. She is half Italian and half English. If you shorten the hair and slightly narrow the bridge of the nose, that is my son. Every feature, the strong chin, round dark brown eyes (Hus's eyes are the same shape but dark Hazel/Brown color) and well, those lips (Hus has those too!) it's uncanny.


My 12yo daughter Snemma has the same shape eyes, except hers are olive green. Snemma wishes she had those lips, but her lips are even more fascinating to me because they are unlike mine or any of Hus's family's lips. Ya, at Christmas, I stare at his family members lips/eyes, don't worry, they just think I'm paying attention to what they're saying, which is usually something about someone I never heard of.

All put together, Snemma looks very much like me, but her individual parts are different. It's still nice to see me in her, whether she likes it or not!

Snemma's lips are so pretty, shaped like a perfect heart in the middle from her cupids bow to her lower lip and the way they thin out toward the corners. I found this pic of the actress Clara Bow from the 1920's and seriously, Snemma has these lips. Maybe Clara is a long long very lost distant great grandma? Just kidding.


I also wonder who Snemma got her wonderful butt from. I'll have to keep an eye out at Christmas.

I'm Back!

I would like to thank the 5-7 visitors that came everyday while I was gone. Thank you.

I've been gone a lot longer than I had planned. It seemed like I just had no time to blog, mostly spending my days driving my kids around or entertaining them. But truthfully, I think I was feeling guilty spending so much time blogging and not enough with the family. However, when I didn't have blogging, I still found myself spending as much time on the computer, only for much less worthy (useless) causes, like Facebook. Ugh.

Enough though, I missed you all and can't wait to start reading the over 400 posts I missed. It might take me a while.

I can't type much here yet as I am still recovering from the Carpal Tunnel Surgery I had on October 1st. I'm not sure if it's normal that it still hurts like a mo-fo at times but if any of you have any extra pain medicine lying around...

The weather has been great here in Vermont, it's like I'm not even living in Vermont! It's like I moved to a warmer state, like Massachusetts! I called my mechanic to have him order studded snow tires for my car and he laughed at me and said "don't jinx us".
It snowed 2 days later. Just a little.

Reluctant

Just a quick post to let everyone know that I am taking a break from blogging. I haven't been able to find the time to even write short posts and of course less time to comment on your blogs. I've been spending most of my daytime hours driving the kids around, going to the gym and working. At night, I'm too tired to do much besides Tweet or FB occasionally, or read a few pages of a book.
I miss you all and I miss writing my blog and I still think of posts all the time.

Hopefully, I'll resume blogging when the kids go back to school, maybe sooner.

Thanks for the emails wondering where I am.

Have a great summer.

Saturday Sounds 23 or Breaking Up

My 12yo daughter, E, has a boyfriend. He's someone she has liked for a while and they have been "going out" for 3 weeks now. Her Face Book profile picture is a photo of them holding hands as they walk away from the camera. Very cute. They spend a lot of time texting each other and she had her first slow dance with him. I would like to tell more, but E has asked me not to, and she doesn't want me to post her FB picture. Darn. I would love to gossip more about her love life!

Hus thought that I should be more worried about this relationship. When I asked what he meant by that, he told me he was worried about what will happen when it ends. I told him that he was right in worrying, and I'll have to make sure she has a lot of sad songs to listen to while she cries.

I remember listening to the same sappy, pathetic love songs over and over and over, while I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Until my eyes were swollen shut, my nose plugged and my cheeks sticky and rashy. Some songs I played thousands of times (I had a lot of break-ups) like Barry Manilows "Weekend in New England", Bonnie Tylers "Total Eclipse of the Heart", and this song, which by the way came out when I was around 4yo, but I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 10. Weird. I had the 45 record. I still get all gulpy in my throat when I hear it, but I can't cry, because while crying was therapeutic when I was young, it now just gives me a headache.




What songs did/do you cry too when you're sad?

Sorry I haven't been around to visit much lately, I've been tired and actually kind of depressed, damn it! I'm trying hard to snap out of it.

The Mask of Unemployment

I came home from the gym and grocery shopping and found this...

my husband.

Through my car window, I called out "Hey, d'you lose your goat, fella?".

At least that is a non-alcoholic beverage in his hand. And to his defense, he was working out in the yard, mowing and gardening, making my world beautiful, as always.

Hus was laid off last Friday. Hopefully it's just temporary, maybe just for a few weeks. His boss is so nice he laid off my husband, who has a family and bills, instead of laying off his other worker, a young man without a wife or kids, who actually wanted to be laid off! It's all about the money. Hus is not the type to sit around, except at the end of the day when he falls asleep on the couch. He's been keeping busy gardening, finishing a deck, doing housework and helping with the kids. Of course he already did these things, but now he can maybe enjoy them more.

Hus did give me permission to post this picture, by the way. He just didn't want his face in the photo. Too bad, I thought his face was the best part!

12 Year Old Girls

I started to draft a post entitled "Morbid Thoughts" tonight, but because I keep getting interrupted by 12 year old girls, I just couldn't get into such a serious topic. The topic, in case you were wondering is women, particularly mothers,who are in a persistant vegetative state. Have an opinion? Save it for when I finish and publish that post!

I'm sitting right now in a hotel room which adjoins with my daughter and her friends room. I rented the rooms for E's 12 birthday. As we live out in the boonies, and our house is small, there is little choice in birthday party ideas. We've done movies, roller skating and sleepovers at home (Hus has no patience for a house full of loud giggly girls). This year E wanted more than just a couple friends over and she wanted to have an overnight party.

There is a water park hotel about 45 minutes away but it costs more than double what these two rooms together costs. And do you think I want to be in the same room with these crazy girls? No way. There is a pool here and actually a large number of girls there age staying at the hotel tonight. E was hoping for "cute boys" but since, as of Thursday, she is going out with a boy she has liked for a while, she no longer cares (thank goodness), about that.

The girls seem to be having a lot of fun. They are loud and silly talking about boys, periods, and even asked me if I knew what a "quief" was. They were surprised that I knew, but that I had always called it a "quiff". I guess we will have to check my favorite dictionary the Urban Dictionary. Well, according to them, it can be spelled both ways but a quiff is more popularly known as a hairstyle from the "50's"!

Okay, I've been interrupted again. We are off to go eat. Sorry I didn't have any time to correct grammatical errors with a second draft. As if you could notice the difference from previous my posts!

It's A Jungle Out There!

I've been MIA from the Blogosphere for a couple weeks or so and I really missed you guys. I think the Requip I started to take was causing me to be depressed and lonely without my noticing until I stopped taking it. I stopped because it wasn't doing the job it was supposed to, which was to help me sleep. Instead it was taking me more time to fall asleep, then I was sleeping lighter and waking up more often, if that's possible.

It's really no wonder that I have trouble sleeping around here. My sleep schedule is unusual to begin with being that I work second shift. On an average night I am awakened several times from various noises. I am awakened even with my sleeping pill and while wearing ear plugs. T, my 6yo son and E, my 11yo daughter both talk in their sleep. They also occasionally walk in their sleep. E more than T.

The cat's also wake me up several times during the night. Summer, the youngest, if not outside all night, will just walk up and down the hall meowing at each bedroom door. Cokee, our lovely 17yo Siamese cat will come and go from our bed as she pleases and feels the need to loudly announce herself each time she climbs onto the bed and insists she sleep UNDER the covers with ME! Arthur, our middle boy will decide it's time to torture the other cats,usually around 3AM.

The Hus gets up at 5AM which wakes me up, again. Not great because I would have most likely gone to bed at 2 if I didn't work and 3 if I did.

Then I have to get up out of bed for 7AM to help the kids get on the bus. I go back to bed at 8 and sleep, no wonder, until I barely have time to do anything before the kids get home or I go to work.

My morning sleep is, for the most part, my best sleep. Lately however, this sleep time has been unkindly interrupted too. And it always seems to happen at around 9AM, when I am in a deep sleep.

First I was awakened by a "CAW CAW CAW!!!". I opened the shade and of course saw a crow which I yelled at to shut up and go away.



A few days later, I opened the shade again because I heard what I thought was my cat on the screen. AAHWHWHWHWHGG! (this is not the actual squirrel, as I don't sleep with a camera)

Then a few days later, I heard a loud "HeeQUACK HEEQUACK HEEQUACK!" and I thought "What the FUCK, is there a G-DAMN duck out there now?!!". I opened the shade and found a Guinea Hen, much like the one in this picture, staring up at me and yelling. He/she(?) had traveled from my neighbors, about a tenth of a mile, across the road and through a small wooded area to get to my house and to my bedroom window. FUCKER! I'm going to have to report this trespass to my neighbor.

Hope you all get a good night sleep.

Miscellaneous Manure 12

*I've been taking Requip for a week now. I'm not sure if it's working or not. It seems that I have more trouble falling asleep initially,but then wake up more refreshed. I might also be sleeping better because of my exercising too. I'll give the med another week or two and see what happens. So far I haven't experienced any side effects. I'm just waiting to be visited by someone who isn't really here and I hope it's someone good.

*T started baseball tonight and all the helmets were too small for his head! He does have a big head.

*I joined the local gym four weeks ago. They were offering a 16 week weight loss special and because I must have been on drugs or something, I did it. So far I actually don't mind it. The gym is not a fancy hoity toity, skinny bitches wearing spandex, type gym. But more of a local, muscle dude, old lady and mommy wearing daddy's T-shirt, dirty punching bag hanging in back room (can't wait to try that!), type gym.

There are also fun signs located around the gym, for example:

"Squat till you puke!"

"Rack the weights! I wouldn't want to have to get your grandmother to do it."

There are also signs on each weight machine to tell an ignoramus like me, what they are.

*Do you Tweet? For those of you who don't, those that don't follow me, and those that don't know what Tweeting is, the following are some of my own favorite Tweets.

~I don't ever want to murder anyone, but if you taste almonds in my home made cookies, I've changed my mind.

~I don't agree with the "Family Table" commercials. We always eat together and our kids are still little assholes.

~6yo son told me "when I grow up, I want to be a writer and a draw-er, I'll be the next Dr. Seuss"

~Why is it I always feel guilty asking someone to return something they borrowed from me?

Thanks Suzy for Re-Tweeting!

*I've had some silly dreams lately. In one I was at the supermarket and a stranger kept trying to get me to buy a cantaloupe from him. The next day I was at the supermarket and the first thing I noticed was that the cantaloupes were on sale, so I bought one. Weird.

In another dream, Hus and I were traveling in Africa and we were helping out natives, living on a farm there and then we were trapped in flood waters until I woke up. Weird.

I also have dreams weekly where I am late for work, like hours late, or I'm at work but can't find my patients. Once I couldn't find my shoes, so I had to run across a field to the shoe store to buy some. Another time I showed up at work wearing a dress uniform. Weird.

Pathological Gambling, Impulsive Behaviors, Increased Libido...

Binge eating, hallucinations, and (Hus's favorite) hyper sexuality are just some of the potential side effects from a medication I'm going to start taking. The results came back from my sleep study-I have mild to normal sleep apnea, which isn't bad enough to qualify for a sleep apnea machine. I also have Restless Leg Syndrome, which could be the reason I'm not sleeping well at night and feeling unrested after a long nights sleep.

The med my doc wants me to try is Requip for the RLS and while normal medication side effects like nausea, vomiting, allergic reactions etc., don't worry me, the above ones I mentioned, sort of do. The med has been ready for me at the pharmacy for over a week and I still haven't picked it up. Then today, because I overslept and still felt too tired to get out of bed, I decided I'm going to get it this afternoon and start it tonight.

I told Hus to watch me for side effects. For example, if I start coming home with scratch off lottery tickets, which I never do, or start talking to people who aren't there, hardly ever do, or take up binge eating again, he needs to tell me so I can stop taking the med! I doubt he'll tell me if I suddenly have hyper sexuality. Heh Heh, he is a man after all!

Wish me luck with my new med. Hope I don't go crazy!


Not a particularly flattering picture of me sleeping. Do you love my Mr. Magoo pillow case and all the red white and blue. I'm thinking 1976?

Nighty night!

And The Winner Is...

Yay! Congratulations to Joanna from wisdom within, ink ! I randomly picked her name out of T's Indiana Jones hat and bizarrely enough, I picked the only other Vermont blogger, and someone I know in real life. I can also say that it's a lot my fault that Joanna started blogging in the first place. She's a wonderful writer and also a certified Journal Writer Instructor (sorry if I got the title wrong Joanna). So go on over and visit her lovely blog and congratulate her.

And Joanna, send me your address via email and I'll get it to Stef. I know you will love the book.
The rest of you must either buy the book, so Stef can continue to help support her three children, or get it from the library. You can also read excerpts from in on Stef's blog.

Thanks everyone who commented and especially thanks to those who became followers. I'll follow in return.

A Secret Revealed and a Giveaway!

I've mentioned here several times before, that one of my BFF's in High School was Stefanie Wilder-Taylor. I still consider her a friend today, even though it's been several years since I've seen her. When we have had a chance to talk on the phone in the past couple years, we still manage to talk for hours. I guess sometimes the important, meaningful bonds people make in their lives don't just go away.

I met Stef one afternoon in High School, when we were both serving after school detention. I was sitting behind her and she turned around and asked me something funny like "What ya in for?" I was taken by surprise that this really pretty girl was talking to me. I was going through one of those periods when all my "friends" had turned their backs on me for something silly/stupid (kissed a boy at a keg party,and this boy, unbeknownst to me, was supposedly going to ask out someone better than me from my clique) (little bitches!)and wasn't very trusting of anyone at school. But Stef seemed sincere, so I laughed and answered her.

She saved me from being friendless and we had many fun times over the next several years. After Stef graduated High School and after I dropped out, we moved to California together. She had always planned on returning there and I just wanted to get away from my dysfunctional home life.

Stef has had three books published and a fourth not yet released. The secret I'm sharing today is that I am in her third book It's Not Me, It's You... ! In fact, I'm in the first four chapters! In the book she openly shares stories from her life and I'm in the parts of the book about when we moved to L.A. together. I think I'm one of the "It's You" she's referring to. Heh, heh. I loved all of her books, especially the parts I'm in of course, and I laughed out loud over and over again.

In the book she calls me Beth Moskowitz. She originally wanted to call me "Wendy" but since I always wanted the name Beth, she changed it for me. I'm even mentioned in the NY Times review of the book as "the roommate". If you click on the title link above, it will bring you to Amazon where you can read excerpts from the book. Just search 'Beth' and there I'll be!

Now for the contest. Stef has offered to send one of my readers a signed copy of her third book. All you have to do, if you want a chance to win a copy, (and learn some dish about me and Stef) is leave a comment for this post. I'll leave it open until April 2nd and then I'll have the kids pick a name randomly out of a hat or something, and I'll post who the winner is.

************************************************************************************
Stef on our road trip to California. We drove in style!

Me on the way to Cali!
Okay, not really her car.

Me after living in Hollyweird a while. I took rebellious to the max, while Stef tried to actually do something with her life. We both did a good job. I actually shaved the sides of my head every Friday night before going out to see local punk bands play. In this photo, my hair has been growing out for over a week.

Here we are a few years after I had moved back to Mass from Cali. I came to visit her in LA and we took a road trip to Las Vegas. Don't you love our big hair.

Good luck!

Kiss Me, I Might Be Irish

Well, it's now been over a year since I hired the private investigator's to find my biological family and still nothing. I emailed the PI every few months over the last year and each time she emailed me back not to give up. That they had leads but nothing concrete, yet. I emailed them last week and asked if it was time for me to give up and I haven't gotten a response back yet.

I don't think about it everyday but I know it's always lurking somewhere in my subconscious mind. I felt it creep to the surface yesterday when I was at the ear doctors office filling out forms, and of course the section was there which asked for my family history. For a second I thought perhaps I could just tell them Hus's history, I mean, he is my closest family. I paused when I came to that part, and tried to to ignore the heaviness that crept into my chest. It's not like I would cry at the doctors office, but I could have. Obviously that means it still bothers me.

Recently I've been working with my doctor to find reasons why I've been so tired and unmotivated for the last year or so. Bad work and sleep schedule? Seasonal Affective Depressive Disorder? Peri menopause? Depression? She also brought up my adoption search and that it's around the time I hired them that my mood and energy started to decline. She thinks that because hiring them was a last resort and having them fail to find any answers, I've lost hope.

I've always had hope. But is it realistic, should I just accept that I won't ever know? If I had the energy, I would take myself to see a shrink, I still might. Maybe then I could just get on with my life. There really aren't that many options left for me. I will try writing letters to TV shows, but long shot's there I'm sure. I did apply to The Locator and never heard anything.

Anyways, Irish or not, here are this years Leprechaun trap's. T, my 6yo and I each made one. E, my 11yo was too old or too cool. Of course tonight when we set them out, she asked if she was still going to get something from the leprechaun, ya know, candy. HA! Not too cool for candy I guess.

T's Trap, complete with spun gold to entice the little Leprechauns.

My trap, sure to attract female Leprechauns with the idea of getting a spun gold make-over.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Miscellaneous Manure 11

1. Bad Boy, Bad Boy, What Ya Gonna Do, What Ya Gonna Do When Mama Comes For You?

Our boy Summer has turned into a little bit of a bad boy. He disappears for entire nights, coming home dirty, dusty and sometimes scratched up a bit too. The first time he was gone over night, Hus and I thought he was a goner. There are Coyotes, Foxes and Bobcats around who would find him quite yummy.

After Summer was gone for over 18 hours, Hus looked at me with watery eyes and said,
"I hope he didn't suffer."
Summer came home around an hour later. Now we don't worry anymore.

A few times when I was driving home from work at around 1AM, I caught him more than a half mile away, hanging around with some hoodlum barn cats. Another time he was about a quarter mile from home and when I saw him, I called to him through an open car window; He ran alongside my car all the way home.

Summer also decided to make his own cat door for himself. Now, he can get in between the screen door and wood door and wait for someone to find him!



I don't know how he fits into the small space between doors. He is not a little thing.

2. Houses For Rent; Move In Ready!

Each year Hus adds more bird houses to our collection. Some of them we made, others he finds here or there.

Old Favorites

New Additions

Yes, that is a roasting pan. I did ask him if it was my grandmothers, but he says this one he found at the dump and changed it to a house.

I wonder who will move in?

Saturday Sounds 22 or Wop Wop Wop

I was planning on writing a little bit about how much I love '50's and '60's music, and how whenever I hear a song like this one, I can't help but dance, but I'm too tired. That's really all I wanted to say anyway. Oh, and this song has been in my head all day! So, go on and dance...

Sleep Study

I'm spending the night, tonight, at the hospital for a sleep study. Not the hospital where I work. I have a personal policy that co-workers are not allowed to see any part of my naked body. I think that for the sleep study I can wear my own jammies, but the tech will have to attach some leads to my chest which may reveal some boobage.

Some preparations I've done for my overnight stay.

>Showered.
>Shaved.
>Trimmed my toenails and polished them- I think a wire needs to be attached to my ankle to check for restless leg syndrome. I wouldn't want to scare the tech with my 'winter toes'.
>Washed my new jammies.
>Typed a list of my meds.
>Checked for extra new facial hairs-leads need to be attached to my head and chin.
>Changed my pillow case-I don't have to use the hospital plastic pillows.
>Packed my extras along with usual overnight stuff, for example: Left hand carpal tunnel brace, tissues, can of Fresca, couple fig newtons (can't not have my bed time snacks!) two books, paper and pencil. I'll pack my laptop later so I can Tweet.

If you're thinking what a weirdo I am, imagine what my Hus thinks living with me. He's already had a good laugh about the extras I've packed.

"Are you going to pack your wrist splints?" He asked, waving his hands around like a monkey.
"Bite me!"
"Are you going to tuck tissues under your pillow?"
"Bite me!"
"The back scratcher?"
"Bite me!"
" Why don't you bring the cats too."
"Maybe I should, oh, and BITE ME!" Of course, I was laughing at myself by now. If you can't laugh at yourself, everyone else will anyways.

I'm going to try and stay away from caffeine after noon and gassy foods. I mean, snoring and drooling will be bad enough, I don't want to fart all night. I hope the recording is shut off when I am in the bathroom.

The reason I'm having this sleep study is because of fatigue. All you have to do to qualify, according to my insurance company, is to snore and be tired. If there is something wrong with my sleeping, hopefully I can be treated for it. And with more sleep, I'll have more energy and be able to exercise and maybe even lose a few pounds.

I'm afraid I'll sleep well at the hospital, even with all the wires attached to me because I won't have all the usual things to keep me awake. Maybe I should bring the cats-Cokee always has to sleep with me under the covers, the kids-when they talk in their sleep, I wake up. Oh and Hus because when he rolls over or breaths too loudly, I wake up. I wake up even with ear plugs and Lunesta!

As a side note: I put two new links on my side bar. One is to the short story I have in Reflections on Doctors. That link will take you to Amazon where you can read some of my story. I don't get paid if you buy the book, but there are some interesting nursing stories in it.My story is Laughing Too Hard To Care.
The second new link is at the top, for a new free E Book where one of my previous posts is included. It's free to download and has links to several funny blogs.

Saturday Sounds 21 or The Best Concert Ever!

With all of the teen angst, depression, loneliness, and rebelliousness I felt in my teens, it was a natural progression for my taste in music to get more and more away from mainstream. Punk rock and Death Rock (Goth), will always be my favorite type of music. There's nothing like jumping up and down, body slamming to hard core punk or to be soo mellow and calm, perhaps even a little introspective, while listening to Death Rock music.

The Cure is my favorite alternative band of all time. I saw them perform in 1987 at, I think, what used to be called, Irvine Meadows in California. A bunch of us, including Stef, decided to go to the concert but nobody had tickets. We figured we could buy some from people scalping when we got there. When we arrived, we immediately were able to buy one ticket. Score! Then one of us noticed a bunch of people walking towards and into a wooded area. Where the hell were they going? So of course we followed. Through the woods, across a small stream and over a chain link fence, which ripped my pretty black lace dress-though my monkey boots survived unharmed, right into the general admission lawn area! We were far away, but the band performed perfectly and the sound was great. To this day, I have never seen so much black eyeliner in one place. I didn't see one man or woman there, not wearing it.

The first vid is the band, live, singing my all time favorite song The Drowning Man. It's from their album Faith, which is their most depressing, dark sounding album. Around the time they were writing and recording songs, each band member had someone they know die. They also started experimenting with drugs and alcohol. When I listen, I want to experiment too, or just spin around and around, losing myself in misery!

The second vid is an official one for my favorite fast Cure song Hot Hot Hot. When I listen to this song, I must get up and dance. Now, go ahead and wallow in misery then get over it, and dance.

Birthday Bitching

It's my birthday today. 42. I don't really care about the number, but I do care about how I feel at 42. Lately, not so good. Tired, forgetful, deaf, fat. I've been working with my doctor to try and figure out WTF is wrong with me, if anything. I had some blood work to check my thyroid etc. and the only thing that came out abnormal was my cholesterol. High of course. So that ruled out Hypothyroidism, damn it. My numbers were closer to HypERthyroidism, which should mean I would be thin and overly energetic, damn it.

I'm going to have a sleep study done to find out if I have apnea or Restless Leg Syndrome or any other thing keeping me awake at night. Even if I get enough hours of sleep, I wake up several times during the night and wake up tired and "foggy". The most bothersome symptoms are the fatigue and what I call "Brain Fog". These could be from lack of sleep or side-effects of Peri-Menopause-which I do know I've started. Damn it.

I have gained a lot of weight over the last 10 years. I really want to exercise and eat better but I am just too tired to care enough. I've started increasing my vitamin intake but that doesn't seem to help. The other day I tried taking a caffeine pill and guess what? Still tired. Damn it.

Maybe I just need a really long nap, like until Spring.

Me, 40 years ago, still the same attitude as today...

20 Years ago, looking skinny in horizontal stripes...

Another of me 2o years ago, because 22 was good year for me...(Hus hates this photo of me;The big hair scares him!)

And me today...

The side effects of peri-menopause suck. Weight gain, unwanted facial hair, irritability have lead me to a life of crime...Do you think I'll be able to take a nap in prison?

Happy Fucking Birthday to Me!

#10 Certified Balloon Specialist

I had 80 hours of training to become a Certified Balloon Specialist. It seriously started out as fun as it sounds. A small group of young people, myself 18 or so, in a classroom type situation, learning everything there was to know about balloons. From the different types of balloons to the various balloon bouquets that can be made, we learned it all. At the end of the two weeks we had to re-demonstrate to the owners that we could make a decent bouquet and various other balloon designs, like how to put several mini balloons inside a large clear one. For the life of me I can't recall how to do that.

After I became certified, I helped set up and then worked in a small corner booth in a large miscellaneous gift store Aahs! in West Hollywood. I worked all day selling balloon bouquets and individual balloons. I enjoyed the job, I mean what's not to like? I made pretty bouquets all day and sold them to lots of mostly boring people.

Of course being that I was in L.A. I did sell a few to famous people. A couple lovely soap opera actresses, whose names escape me, Phil Collins, well his wife, and Adam Ant to name a few.

An interesting side note: Back in the early '80's, before I moved to California, I went to an
Adam Ant concert with my high school friends Stefanie and M. We were actually there to see
The Romantics "you're one in a million, baby you're the one..."
As soon as Adam Ant started singing that changed for me. Believe it or not, and as ridiculously embarrassing as this is to admit, he rocked! A little secret about me, well not going to be a secret anymore, is that during that concert, I learned what general admission, concert induced, , anonymous, dry humping is.(well, I did look behind me to make sure he was cute!) What fun! I know, your thinking, wow, she was such a bad bad...no my husband doesn't read my blog...but he does know what the dry hump phenomena is... actually has done it or heard of it... there are no secrets at our house! Heh heh. In the end I think Stef and M "saved me" from spending too much time with this stranger and from taking off my clothes in public. Always looking out for me they were.

Back to the job. I worked selling balloons for a couple months before I got fired. There were a few reasons my employer could have picked to fire me. One, I was using the merchandise on my break. I enjoyed writing short poems or letters, inserting them into a helium filled latex balloon and sending them off to some unknown destination (soul mate), hopefully not the ocean where a dolphin might choke on it, on my lunch break.

I was rude occasionally to customers. I still didn't have any patience yet.

I did something behind the counter that I wasn't supposed to. It was something that involved a rolled up dollar bill and a mirror.(Might explain some of my irritability and impatience.)

What ended up being the actual reason I was fired, was because I was almost always late to work.I didn't have a car and could not always catch the bus on time.

I'm still more of a late person than an on time person and I'm almost never early.

I was told once by a shrink...

Late=Avoidance
Early=Anxious
On Time=Obsessive

What's your diagnosis?

Milkaholic

Normally I find these talking baby commercials creepy, but I laughed out loud at the ending of this one.
During the SB Hus would yell out "COMMERCIAL!" every time the commercials started throughout the game. He's so sweet. He knew he was the only one here actually watching the game and he didn't want us to miss any ads.

#2 Waitress and #4 Phone Sex Operator

21 Jobs in 10 Years Continued...(changed it from 20 to 21 because I forgot about my copy job- "Heidi makin copies...")

#2 Bob's Big Boy Waitress

Being that I was a teenager when I had this job, and not yet taking Lexapro for anger management, waitressing was not a good idea for me. I worked at Bob's for only a few weeks. The first week I thought it was fun with decent money, delicious Big Boy cheeseburgers, fries and chocolate cream pie for dinner, what could be bad? And nope, didn't gain an ounce back then. Now I would gain 5 pounds just looking at chocolate cream pie.

Back then and still today, I sometimes have a problem not pointing out to people when they are being rude. Of course, now as a nurse, and not in a position to allow myself to be fired, I know how to do this tactfully and with respect for the rude persons feelings. Then I just go and bitch about them behind their back.

One night I had a woman who sent back her spaghetti three times. "Too cold" "Too dry" and finally "Just give it to me to go". Seriously busy, and not in the mood, I proceeded to pack up her spaghetti in a take-out container then gave it to her. She left me no tip.

After the woman left,my boss called me over.
"That woman complained about you."she told me.
"Really, why?" I asked.
"You packed her spaghetti in a paper bag."
"Yes, yes I did."

#4 Phone Sex Operator

Back in the '80's, when I lived in California for a short time after dropping out of High School, Temp agencies were a popular and easy way to find employment. I found a few jobs this way including the "copy person" and "phone sex operator".

I was told this was going to be just a regular office-answering phone-type of job. When I got to the office, the manager brought me to a small room which contained a desk, comfy chair and a telephone. On the desk was a typed script of what I was supposed to say when I answered the phone. I quickly, after one call, heh heh, figured out that the job was for a "Swingers" service. The service supposedly was to set swingers up with other swingers for dates. I did my best to follow the script, but the men calling were going off track with questions like "can you go on a date with me?" and "what are you wearing now?" I kept having to cover the mouthpiece of the phone so I could ask the manager what to say. He told me to just "go with it" but that I didn't have to really date these men, but I didn't have to tell the men that either. I couldn't stop imagining these callers as being really really greasy, sleazeballs.Ewe.

Eventually the manager took me around for a tour of the rest of the office. It turned out that the cozy, clean room I was in was just used for orientation/training purposes. The real work took place in a bigger room lined with folding tables at which women sat close together and answered the phones. Ewe.

I'm not a prude and porn and phone sex is-A Okay, but watching those women and girls, me only 18, gave me the willies.

Needless to say, I didn't get the job.

Next #10 Certified Balloon Specialist and #8 Envelope Addressing Person.

I Smell Good and Not Like Pot

And other random things about me.


*I smell good. Once I was told I smell "Delicious". I was scared my aunt might bite me after she said that. Another time I was told that E's girlfriend, when shopping in a department store, announced "Hey, this store smells like E's mom." I guess that's better than smelling like a liquor store or McDonald's. A co-worker recently said to me "I bet you don't even know how good you smell." If you want to know how I smell, go to a department store and ask to smell Ralph Laurens 'Blue'. To me it kind of smells like a female version of Polo. Oh, Hus likes it too. But he wouldn't care if I rolled around in manure, he would still have sex with me.(although, not on the kitchen floor!)



*In 11Th grade, I smoked more pot than Cheech and Chong did in Up In Smoke.Morning, noon and night I smoked. Which translates to before, during and after school. While I had a lot of fun with my friends during school, obviously I failed academically. It's a long story which lead me to the point of finally giving up on coping with the social pressures of High School in a healthy way,but that's how I dealt. Smoking, laughing, listening to music, hanging with friends and doing my best to avoid enemies and depression, was my 11Th grade. Even though I have three college degrees,graduating with honors each time, I still sometimes feel inadequate only having a GED and not a real High School diploma. So stay in school! Hahaha, my first PSA!

*I get angry when bloggers just up and disappear without even a short goodbye. I know that bloggers come and go, and that's okay. I just think that if you are not dead, or going through something major that keeps you from your computer, it is RUDE to not let your readers know you are leaving. I get that some people have to stop blogging or wish to be anonymous. But why not let your readers know. It especially pisses me off when I spend time worrying that something horrible might have happened to this person, only to find out they have started another blog and have only notified some of their readers. I've found three bloggers that "disappeared" this way. I understand that you want to start over, and I don't expect you to tell all your readers your new site address, but at least you could say goodbye! Answering emails would be nice too. For me, angry=hurt feelings. I guess I'm just too sensitive.


On a different note. My long time bloggy friend Shelly reminded me that tomorrow, Thursday, January 14th is Delurker Day. So if you are here reading, please leave me a comment. I would love to hear from you!

Sex on the Kitchen Floor

And other pieces of conversations between Hus and I...

Me: Wow our first night alone at home without the kids! Should we have sex on the kitchen floor?

Hus: Why would we do that? We have a bed.

Me: How about we just watch TV? Maybe something other than the Nickelodeon channel.

Perfect Storm

Me: I am just sooo sick of driving in this snowy icy slippery crap. I want to move to a warmer place, you with me?

Hus: No. And you're an excellent driver in the snow. You should be an Ice Road Trucker. It's like your just waiting for the perfect storm.

Me: Didn't they all die in The Perfect Storm?

No Life

Me: I really want to see Avatar, it looks like a movie made just for me. It's got romance, sci-fi, and it took four years to make it.

Hus: It will take you longer to see it.

Healthy Eating

Me: I didn't eat butter until I met you. I was raised on low fat margarine.

Hus: Well, there's some 'I Can't Believe I Bought This Butter' in the fridge.

The Governor

Hus: I saw the governor today.

Me: You saw Arnold?! (OK, I watch too much west coast TV)