It Suddenly Occured to Me

We were all sitting at the table the other night, having a "normal" dinner together. Me, my hus, E and T were there. As you may know, E is my nine year old daughter and T is my 4 year old son. Well, we were enjoying our usual dinner conversation, everyone competing to be the loudest and most obnoxious, I mean, interesting one. My hus made a comment on how he thought E had a crush on a boy named, I'll call him "D", and I said I thought she had a crush on J not D. We laughed, at her expense, and I said "Well, E, you are too young to have a boyfriend anyw......" and I couldn't finish my sentence because it suddenly occurred to me, I had a boyfriend in fourth grade, which was when I was nine!!!!!


Wait, this can't be right, I thought to myself, when I remember being much older in fourth grade. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. I always thought I was good at remembering what it was like being young, which I think is helpful when trying to understand my children, so how could I forget such an important thing? Denial? Wishful Thinking? My daughter is not too young to have a boyfriend, at least not the same kind of boyfriend I had when I was nine.


His first name was Alex and I don't remember his last name. We were both in 4Th grade and we were considered boyfriend and girlfriend for maybe a couple of months. I know it was 4Th grade because I also remember my sweeties from 5Th, 6Th and 7Th grade. My memory after 7Th starts to become a little fuzzy as that is when I started to smoke cigarettes, drink beer and smoke pot. I remember Alex would call me on the phone and we would talk. I have no idea what we talked about, but that and the occasional hand holding, was the extent of our relationship.

E still insists she doesn't have a crush on any boy, and only girls call her on the phone. But I guess I should be prepared for when the boys start calling.

E is also at the age where I am supposed to be talking to her about her body and the dreaded Period! I didn't think of that either until a girlfriend of mine told me that she got her period when she was nine. Uh Oh, I thought I would have a couple more years, but sadly, no. I'm a nurse so it is not hard for me to talk about bodily functions, but it is not easy for E to hear about stuff like that yet. She has always known about a Period, but never any specifics. So when I approached her, she was not immediately ready. I didn't force her to listen, I just told her that she can come to me with questions as she wishes.

Well, a few weeks after our initial talk, she did come to me. I told her what I could and as I did she got a horrified expression on her face and told me "That's all for now".

While I was shopping for Xmas gifts, I came across the book pictured below. It is a very easy to read, made for pre-pubescent girls, body book. It talks about all the body changes expected during puberty, not just periods. I read it and then gave it to E (not as an Xmas gift!) and told her she could read it if she wanted, then ask me questions.

She took the book and disappeared into her room for about 3 minutes, then came running out, slammed the book on the counter in front of me and yelled "THAT IS DISGUSTING, I WILL NEVER GET MY PERIOD!!!!" She hasn't mentioned it since, which is OK. At least she will not be shocked when she does get it. And have bitchy stuck up mean girls throw tampons on her in the girls locker room like I did, I mean Carrie did.

I have not even thought of how to approach the SEX talk. Since I was a virgin until marriage, I mean until I was 16, hopefully I have a few years to figure it out.

Merry Christmas

I will return to my regular blogging schedule ASAP after Christmas. I have been working the last 3 evenings 3PM-11PM and I have to work tomorrow Christmas Eve also. Don't feel sorry for me, I had a whole week off before this 4 day stretch started.
I thought I would share with you one of my favorite movie quotes ever, Christmas movie or not.

From the movie Christmas Vacation:


Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Thanks Chevy for always making me laugh.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Vermont Views 2

Snow? Sleet? Freezing Rain? Make Up Your Mind!

It has been an all cookie, candy weekend here. Yesterday afternoon the kids and I made gingerbread cookies and houses.Last night we decorated the houses and ate way too much candy! I would have made other cookies but when I started to make frosting for the gingerbread, I realized I only had a half a box of confectioners sugar, not enough for the gazillion cookies we made. So I had to reluctantly go to the supermarket to buy some. Luckily the snow hadn't started yet. At the market I bought 5 boxes of confectioners sugar because it was on sale for $1 a box, peppermint extract because I wanted to try to make peppermint bark, dark chocolate and white chocolate and a container of vegetable shortening, just in case. I got in line at the checkout, of course 2 people behind an old guy whose check wouldn't go through at first but then did, and the guy directly in front of me who was buying 3 supermarket bakery sugar cookie platters and 5 containers of supermarket bakery made frosted cookies. For a second I thought "How easy would be to just buy supermarket made cookies and be done with it, I would even have time for a nap!". But I know what the supermarket cookies taste like,SHIT! If it were a real bakery then I might consider it. But this market has no bakery actually in the store and gets their baked goods shipped, I've even heard frozen. Plus I like to bake, and I don't like peppermint, so making peppermint bark is no added poundage to my waist.

Today we made more gingerbread cookies, dough for the spritz cookies I plan on baking Wednesday for E and T's school parties, and 3 different kinds of bark. Then I drank a bunch of wine, but that has nothing to do with this post.

Also, the weather here has been really bizarre this winter, and this storm is no exception. It seems like the snow we have been having is wetter than usual. I know this sounds strange as snow is made up of water. But some snow is lighter and snowier than other. The snow we've had this year has been mixed with freezing rain. It is perfect for packing and we have already made a snow fort and snowman, but it would be nice to have just regular light feathery snow.

Last night it snowed from around 10PM to 10AM and then it did nothing. Freezing rain started around 3PM today which quickly changed to sleet then to snow then to freezing rain. I am not sure what it is doing now. I am glad, however that I am not working this weekend!

Here are some pictures I just took standing on my porch. The first is without a flash and the second is with a flash. I hope wherever you all are it is warm and you have a lot of Xmas cookies to eat.

I

I just read my hus this post and I commented "isn't that strange?"meaning the way the second photo came out reflecting the snowfall. And he said yeah "It is strange that people put their pool a mile away from their house!" Really it is only 120 feet away from the house. I know this because I measured the distance when we were trying to get satellite Internet. I wish it was summer and I was complaining about having to vacuum the pool!

Dear Santa

I came home last night from work and found a lovely hand made Christmas card my daughter had made for Santa, lying on the kitchen table. It was written in her best penmanship, but if I tried to scan it to my computer, then upload it to blogger, it probably would not be legible. I typed it over so I could share it with you.

Dear Santa,
The things I want for Christmas are…
A labtop, fast inernet cervice, disney magazine, pencils, Earasers, a pencil box that fits in my desk, amercin girl doll, M.V.P. player, Hanna Mounta bed spread, and a snow globe. Also santa when you go down the chimney watch out for the fire.
Love E

What?

Things my husband has said recently:

" I bought this huge roll of tinfoil at the dented can store, so don't be afraid to use it."

" I am sure that God is a woman."

" I don't remember farting, maybe it was you."

" That is enough "mama's", T."

" I am not buying you a waffle maker for Hanukkah because it will just make a mess."

Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah everyone!

I haven't had a whole lot of energy or time lately for writing. My mind and body have both been taken over by a holiday demon bent on total psychological, physical and financial destruction and who is not planning on leaving until December 26Th! Actually it is really just psychologically and physically exhausting me . I refuse to let it get me financially. There are a lot of good intentioned parents out there who think it is OK to spend $500(Wii) on one toy for a 40, I mean 4 year old for Xmas, but it ain't this parent. I did however break down this year and buy E(9years old) an American Girl Doll. She has been asking a few years now for one but I felt she wasn't old enough to take care of it and to also appreciate that if she gets expensive toys she will get less toys. I think she understands this now and will really be surprised when she gets her long awaited $100 doll!

Lately it seems like every morning when I wake up I think "How the hell will I get done everything I need to get done today?" For months I have on and off worried about Hanukkah coming so early in December this year, I just knew I wouldn't be ready. But somehow I was. It's just lately I have been feeling blah, perhaps the lack of sunshine or antidepressants in my body contributing to my blahness. In case you don't know from previous posts, we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas at our home. I was raised Jewish and my husband raised some type of Christian. This year I came up with a great plan. I would take E and T to the dollar store and let each of them pick out 8 presents for the other, and let grandma and grandpa take care of the rest. So far it is working great. Grandma sent 2-3 presents for each child for each day of Hanukkah, some just little gifts and some bigger and Grandpa is coming to visit December 15Th and will bring more Hanukkah presents. So all I have to do is shop for Xmas, which is no easy task, but I think I am done with the kids gifts. I have no idea what to give my hus... maybe a cheap bottle of wine and a porn magazine, goodness knows I am too tired!

Here is a picture of some visitors we had Monday on our land. Too bad I prefer Ham at Xmas!


I have also updated my blogroll so check it out and check out Teeny Manolo, Gina needs to keep her job.

Vermont Views

Finally, I Get To Write About Myself

Karen MEG from A Day In The Life tagged me to do a meme I have been wanting to do for a while. I have been reading Karen MEG's blog for about a month and I really enjoy it. She is a funny and creative writer and you should go visit her.


7 Random Things About Myself
1. There are songs that I am unable to listen to without crying. 'Weekend In New England' by Barry Manilow, 'Shannon' by Henry Gross, 'Memories' by Barbara Streisand, 'The Winner Takes it All' by ABBA, 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' by Bonnie Tyler and All By Myself by Eric Carmen. Fortunately these songs are never played on the Radio Stations I listen to, and if I happen to come to one on a CD, I can easily skip over it. It is unfortunate however, if I am grocery shopping or in an elevator and one of these songs starts playing. I have to pretend there is something in my eye.
2.I won't eat home-made canned foods because I have a fear of Botulism. I have never known anyone that had Botulism poisoning and I have not ever had it, but I fear it would be fatal if I did. I will eat cheese from a can.
3. I recently purchased a 'Social Distortion' T-shirt for MYSELF, and I got all tingly with excitement when I did. I love the questionable looks I get from the more conservative moms when I wear it.
4.I have naturally curly hair and I get annoyed when people ask me if I have a perm. My husband tells me it is like a perm but more like "a week after you got a perm". Having curly big hair was a blessing in the '80's, now, I wish my hair was straight and shiny without a hint of curl. Of course if it was, I probably would want wavy hair. I try to straighten it when I have time, but no matter what products I use in it, the hair won't stay straight. I know it is silly to get offended by this question, but sometimes people will ask me more than once, as if they don't believe me.
5.I don't like gardening. I have tried it many many times, mostly before I had kids and wanted to spend quality time with hus. After I had each child I would make an excuse for not helping in the gardens "Well, who's going to watch the kids?" Finally I admitted to my hus that I don't like gardening and he just laughed and told me he already knew that. He told me he understood that I don't get the same kind of good feeling he does while gardening, like when I write or do an art project. I do enjoy having gardens though, especially flower gardens.
6.I change the price tags on certain items I buy. This is sort of a running joke between my hus and I. He will change the price on a bottle of wine to make it more expensive and I will change the price tag on my hair products and other things to make them less expensive. I scared my husband last week though, when I changed a small handbags price to make it more expensive, just to see if he noticed. He already assumed that I spent a lot on it because I bought it in Manchester Vt. The stores in Manchester are almost all expensive designer outlets. The bag was $14.00 marked down to $7.00. I changed the tag to read $14o.oo marked down to $70.00. Heh heh, I loved seeing the look on his face when he asked if I spent that much on a bag I would use once just for a wedding. If I really had spent that much, which is my own choice, I would have just taken the tag off altogether!
7. I had a job selling balloon bouquets once. I loved the job, it was fun and easy work. I was living in California at the time and I sold balloons to a few celebrities such as Adam Ant, Phil Collins and two different General Hospital stars whose names I don't know. I eventually got fired because I could never seem to get there on time. I didn't have a vehicle at the time and I constantly missed the bus!




Thanksgiving update: Unfortunately grandma didn't say "Phenomenal" once, the B*TCH! I didn't feel like drinking too much anyways as alcohol seems to just make me tired lately. I did however take Xanax which helped me not yell at grandma. She did repeat "at least they have their health" or I am thankful we all have "our health" over and over. So my husband made me laugh several times by saying "at least they have their health" at any opportunity that arose like when were watching the news and something dreadful happened to someone like their house burnt down. It was a fun time had by all!

I KNEW IT!

Which MASH Character are you?

You are Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce!
Take this quiz!

A Phenomenal Drinking Game

I, like everyone else, have been preparing for Thanksgiving. Cleaning, organizing, food shopping and list writing are just some of the things I have had to do. This year though, my hus and I are preparing also for some adult entertainment. Many families (none I know personally), play games at their holiday gatherings. Perhaps some of you play Charades or Trivial Pursuit,and maybe the more daring of you play such provocative games as Taboo or Grey's Anatomy Trivia the Board Game. At this house we are planning a much more fun game, one that's original and will end up with all the players (me and my hus) happy and completely shit faced!
We call this game 'Phenomenal' and it is named in honor of our honored guest this thanksgiving.... Grandma. You see, grandma has a way of getting stuck on certain things.
For example, for about six months now she has found a way of working in the word 'phenomenal' into every conversation. For some reason this really bothers me, although I shouldn't let grandma get to me, she does. Last time she visited, she used the word 4 times in the first 3 minutes of seeing her. She was describing the way an old friend of mine looked when she ran into her a week or so ago. "I saw 'A' again and she really looks phenomenal, she has a phenomenal job working for the Russian-Jewish-American-Alliance" I said "Great" and mom said "No, really, she looks PHENOMENAL and what a phenomenal career...". I cringed and said " Enough with the 'Phenomenal' description" because I am not afraid to tell her she uses that word entirely too much, but sadly she doesn't listen.
Later that same night, when my hus and I snuck away from Grandma to another room, we could just barely hear her talking to us..."Wow, you guys have got to see this show on TV it is really phenomenal!" And I spontaneously raised my wine glass to my husband, because I am always drinking alcohol when grandma is here, and said "Drink". And a new drinking game was born.
Every time grandma says 'phenomenal' we will drink. Luckily grandma doesn't drink so she can watch the kids while we play.

Brain Zaps

Brain Zaps according to Wikipedia
Brain zaps, also known as "brain shocks," "brain shivers" or "head shocks" are a fairly common withdrawal symptom experienced during discontinuation (or reduction of dose) of SSRI and SNRI antidepressant drugs. The symptom is described as brief but repeated electric shock-like sensations in the brain and head. The effect is not only confined to withdrawal periods for all sufferers, but also are experienced while actually taking the prescribed medication (although less commonly), and have been known to continue for years after withdrawal from the associated medication.
The phenomenon is most commonly associated with paroxetine (Paxil, Seroxat), fluoxetine (Prozac), venlafaxine (Effexor), sertraline (Zoloft), duloxetine (Cymbalta), fluvoxamine (Luvox), citalopram (Celexa) and escitalopram (Lexapro).

Description
"Brain zaps" are said to defy description for whomever has not experienced them, but the most common themes are of a sudden "jolt," likened to an electric shock, apparently occurring or originating within the brain itself, with associated disorientation for a few seconds. The phenomenon is most often reported as a brief, wave-like electrical pulse that quickly travels across the surface of (or through) the brain. Some people experience these "waves" through the rest of their body, but the sensation dissipates quickly. They are sometimes accompanied by brief tinnitus and vertigo-like feelings. Immediately following this shock is a light-headedness that may last for up to ten seconds. The sensation has also be described by many as a flashbulb going off inside the head or brain. Moving one's eyes from side to side quickly while open has also been known to trigger these zaps and sometimes causing them to come in rapid succession. It is thought to be a form of neuro-epileptiform activity. [1][2]
As withdrawal time increases, the frequency of the shocks decreases. At their peak, brain zaps have been associated with severe headaches. They may last for a period of several weeks after the last dose and usually resolve completely within a month or two. However, anecdotal reports of "zaps" during a protracted withdrawal are known to last a year or longer.

I have not been avoiding blogging on purpose, but have been having difficulty with this particular withdrawal symptom since discontinuing my Effexor. My eyes have been hurting and are sensitive to any stimuli. I weaned myself off slowly as directed, but still am having this strange eye phenomena occur. Unfortunately, it gets worse if I look at a computer screen or if I am tired. Thankfully, today my eyes seem a little better and my headache seems to be less.
I found this definition for Brain Zaps last night while at work. It fits pretty well to what I have been experiencing, especially that it occurs when I look from side to side. I really had no idea what it was although I was suspicious of withdrawal.
I also read that Benadryl or a one time dose of Prozac takes care of this symptom. Since it is slightly better today, I will bring some Benadryl with me to work but only take it if my eyes feel worse again. So far I have completed this entire post without any eye burning sensations or brain zaps! YAY!
Oh, and thanks for all the encouragement to CHEAT on NaBloPoMo!

Verizon Conspiracy

Monday morning I awoke just like any other morning, and dragged my tired ass out of bed slowly and reluctantly. I made my coffee, fed my children and cats, brushed my teeth and settled myself down in my comfy chair in front of the computer, preparing to write my NaBloPoMo blog for the day. I double clicked on the Dial icon and waited. I wasn't concerned when the first warning pop up appeared to tell me "No dial tone, do you want to redial?". Yes, of course I did, and the same message popped up. WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. It must be a mistake. I picked up the phone and tried it. No dial tone. OK, kids must have done something to it, the phone is broken, I will try another. No dial tone anywhere in the house. Next I tried the basement "Customer Interface" connection, because I know Verizon will ask if I had tried this. No dial tone! I am in a bit of a minor panic now, but this has happened before and the problem was fixed within a couple hours so I tried not to let myself get into a full mind twisting panic.
I grabbed my coat and headed out to the car, as there is no cell signal from inside the house. I called Verizon on my TRAC phone, because that is what I have, and I am not talking about that now, and got the usual repair automated answering service. They asked me what the problem was and I said "NA-BLO-PO-MO! And she said "I'm sorry, I did not understand that, could you repeat it?" Yes, "NO-DI-AL-TONE! Ugh! And she said in her sweet as saccharin recorded voice "We can help you with that, we will dispatch a technician at our earliest time, let me check our schedule and, yes, we can send someone out tomorrow between the hours of 8AM and 6PM" My heart sank, I felt defeated, no more NaBloPoMo for mama.
I tried to call my many friends, 2, I knew who would let me use their computers in a pinch but they weren't' home. I also thought of breaking into the local library, as they were closed, but then they might suddenly want all my late fees paid in full immediately if I was caught. I had to go to work in a few hours and I knew the computers there wouldn't let me blog. I was done, I am done. No more daily blogging, no Sock Zombie for mama.
I tried to call home from work that night, thinking that if the line was fixed, I could try to leave work in time to get home before midnight. Again the forces were against me. I returned home at around 1AM and whatdyaknow? DIAL TONE! WTF!
Thanks to everyone who visited me everyday this month and I hope you will still come by and visit my now, back to, once or twice a week blog! Good luck to all of you NaBloPoMo's left out there, I will still visit and support you!

Women Should Know Better

I wrote a draft of this post while sitting in my car waiting for E to get out of dance class today. Three pages later I realized that I hadn't even gotten to an explanation of the title. Who wants to read so many words just to get to my point? Not me, especially during Nablopomo! Of course if I had a lap-top computer the point would be mute as I would have just typed the sucker up and be done with it.
So I am going to try an give the short winded version of this post. I have mentioned here before that I have been trying, without success, to lose the weight I put on while pregnant with T. I have always been thin, and even losing my prego weight from E was easy through Weight Watchers. Probably many factors contribute to my failure. For example, I am older( I will be 40 in February)(this fact bothers me much less than my weight!), I was taking antidepressants and I work 3-11 shift so on a few nights a week I only get 4-5 hours of sleep. I am tired, tired most of the time, too tired to exercise or pay attention to my food intake. I am working with my doc and I have, at least temporarily stopped my antidepressant, getting blood work done and hopefully will have a sleep study done soon too. I am also this close (about a 1/4 inch space between my pointer finger and my thumb) away from smoking. When I smoked I was thin!
Again I have gone off track. E had an open house for her grade school last week, and we all went of course, even though we've seen the school a million times! While in her classroom I ran into another mom whom I haven't seen in a while. She said to me as she pointed to my stomach "Are you and (pointed to my hus) expecting?". I was shocked, I felt the color drain away from my face. You see, I was dressed up that evening, hair and makeup done, nice clothes on etc., because I was meeting a girlfriend later in the eve for dinner and a movie, so I thought I looked good. I said to Katie, I will call her that because that is her name,"No, I just gained some weight". She then laughed and said "Noooooo, your kidden right?" My hus who had been talking with the teacher, came to me and stood at my side, a look of fear on his face. I think he was preparing to stop me from strangling Katie. I, however, was not angry, just hurt. So I said to Katie " That is not a polite thing to ask a woman" and I walked out of the room, completely mortified. My hus came quickly after me. He right away said "Don't let her get to you, look at who said it, she is not the sharpest tool in the shed, that's why people don't like her, she is dumb". And I said "she is also about 100 pounds heavier than me too!" And I said, "why is it that it is always women who ask if you are pregnant?" The last time someone asked me (a woman) was when I was thin and I still got upset. My hus said "Because men know better, we just ask if a woman had a boob job?" trying to make me laugh.
I left the school and headed off to see my friend. I tried really hard not to cry on my way to meet her, but still I shed some tears. I told my friend what happened and she said the same thing happened to her when she was only 120 pounds and it upset her too. She looks to be about that weight now. We had a great time together that evening,and I forgot all about the incident, then I cried the whole way home.

Silly Saturday

Bucket Head Boxer Boy

"Rock On" Bucket Head

Butt in the Bucket Boy

E told me that the hand signal means "Rock On". I hope that she is correct and not just giving me a new version of the finger!

Parallel Nightmare

I blogged over here at Parallel Nightmare today.

Fred(erica)

Living out in the country, we tend to have a variety of wildlife visitors on a daily basis. Deer, chipmunks, birds, squirrels, raccoons and skunks etc. Last fall we started to have a regular visits from Fred, a turkey. The kids named him Fred, and it was some days later that my husband pointed out to us that Fred was a girl not a boy turkey. He told me that male turkeys have a large feather which hangs down in front and females don't. Being I am a turkey ignoramus, I didn't argue, but changed her name to Federica. It is unusual to see a turkey all by themselves. Usually they travel in large groups. Fred is always alone and we don't of course have any idea what happened to her group. However, when a group of turkeys shows up at the same time as Fred, she will hide.

Frederica

We love having visits from Fred and other wild animals. My husband doesn't mind that his bird feeders also feed other types of creatures. He did make a joke about Fred though, as it is hunting season......

NOOO! We would never eat Fred!

I have to work the next 3 evenings so I will have to just lurk from work as the computers there have filters on them. Be back soon with my comments.

I Wish...Part 2

My last wish list had 10 things on it and I still want all of those things plus just one more...

1. A Personal Assistant, and I don't want a human personal assistant, I want a robot. See, having a person assist me would just take up more of my time because I would feel obligated to speak to them. Maybe I would take an Alice, like from the Brady Bunch, she did everything for that family. But, Alice had a lot of drama in her life, between her boyfriend and her frequent injuries, I don't have time to deal with an assistants drama.

What a Personal Assistant could do for me:

A) Every morning make, pour and bring me my coffee.
B) Make T and I healthy breakfasts and lunches. It is too easy for me to make mac-n cheese or hot dogs.
C) Record and categorize my blog ideas as I dictate them.
D) Type my blog as I dictate it to her and correct any grammatical mistakes I make.
E) Dust. I don't mind doing my own daily light housekeeping.
F) Keep track of daily schedules. We almost forgot about dance on Sunday!
G) Give me back rubs. Self explanatory.
H) Make appointments for me. I really dislike calling to make appointments.
I) Look things up on the Internet for me as they pop into my head.
J) Remind me to take my medicine.

Having a Robot to assist with these activities would free up my time so that I would be able to do other more pleasurable things like:

A) Sit and eat breakfast and lunch with T.
B) Play with T.
C) Finish painting my living room.
D) Art projects, scrapbooking, blogging, reading, watching TV, listening to music, make cookies
E) Help E with homework.
F) Make supper, which I do like to do.
G) Converse with husband.
H) Have sex with husband.
I) Talk on the phone with friends.
J) Email friends

I do most of these things anyways, I just want to not have to rush through it all. I know you know what I mean.

Living Room Pt 2

My Grackle

As you may have read in my first Living Room post, I am in the process of redecorating my living room. I am almost done but still have to paint the trim. I painted this Grackle on the wall in the corner above my sectional couch. My husband has 4 bird feeders he fills daily. It is hard not to become a bird lover since we get soo many bird visitors. The Grackles have always been my favorite. When seen up close they are very colorful and shimmery. And I love that they also look just a little spooky with their large yellowish white eyes and dark pupils.

Dogs and Cats

A favorite co-worker of mine showed this to me and I found it extremely funny. I hope you enjoy.

**Excerpts from a Dog's Diary**

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

**Excerpts from a Cat's Diary**

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now....

That's my Cokee, she certainly doesn't look like a prisoner to me!

Natural Nails?

As you may or may not have read yesterday, I went on a shopping trip with my nine year old daughter E. I should tell you all that I LOVE SHOPPING! I have always loved to shop, clothes shop, furniture shop, grocery shop, cold medicine shop, you name it, I will enjoy shopping for it. I don't shop over my budget, so I guess I am not a shopaholic, but I am a spender. Fortunately my husband is a great saver and very frugal with his income.

First we met up with grandma at my favorite mall. I brought along my Xanax with me which I take for anxiety, but promised my husband I would only take it if I reeaaaallly needed it and if I wasn't going to drive for a while. So as soon as I saw my mother I excused myself to the ladies room and took it! There are many reasons why I have this anxiety around my mother, but truthfully, after a short time with her, you would be begging me for some.

Mom treated us to lunch then let me shop all by myself while she took E with her. Wow, a whole hour of shopping by myself. I didn't mention that I took T's stroller with me in the mall, lots of people looked into it expecting to see a baby, what? Well, I hadn't been shopping in a mall in a very long time and was planning on buying a lot of stuff. As if I am going to carry my packages around or keep walking back to my van to drop them off. HUMPH! I was on a time constraint people.

One hour all by myself so I rush off to H&M, adrenaline pumping, I just know I am going to find exactly what I am looking for....one hour later, I found lots of cute shirts, a hat, gloves, knee high socks, for T and E. But what about Mama? I did find a cute pair of pants but that's it. So I rush out of the store and tried to make it to some shoe stores because I obviously needed to buy a pair of boots to go with these new pants. No luck. As I walked through the mall a strange thing kept happening. Every 10 stores or so a good looking man with a British accent would stop me and ask if I "wore my nails natural?" HUH? I was rushing, I said "Of course I do, I am a nurse, I have to" then he/they would start to look at my hands. How embarrassing, I quickly hid my ugly, natural nails as to not offend, and I quickly ran off. I guess these guys were trying to sell a new nail product. But I have no time to blog, I mean shop, so I rushed to the meeting place to meet E and grandma,Target. For sure I could find at least a new winter coat or boots or shirt to go with the new pants, well, a little luck happened and I found a shirt and these 'above the knee' tights that would go perfect under the new pants, then I could just wear my ballet slippers with the pants. See, the pants are those cuffed, just 'below the knee' wool plaid pants, sooo cute but would look very cute with high cut boots. I know this because I watch fashion shows on The Today Show. Can you tell my thoughts were getting a wee bit manic by that time?

In the hour it took me to buy one pair of pants, E had bought two shirts, jammies, shoes and a gift for a baby shower we went to today! Bitch! I was able to shop a little more by myself in Target and got my own baby gifts.

The reason I had to rush off, was because I had to meet my dad and his girlfriend at Costco, our usual meeting place, at 3 pm. I love the underwear at Costco, don't look at this blog like that, they are good sturdy underwear, perfect for everyday use. I also drooled over the lap top computers......bought printer ink refills, a DVD for hus with a bunch of great stand-up comedian acts on it, drooled over the entire collection of hard cover Harry Potter books.....

Dad treated us to dinner at The Hometown Buffet, perfect for kids and overweight moms like me. Then we walked to Khols, where I found the perfect winter coat, it was a Vera Wang, black with an embroidered design, perfect length, and 25% off! I took it off the hanger and suddenly realized, it had SHORT SLEEVES! WTH! I have seen these cute but ridiculous coats on TV, but I think I would look really funny in one, dead of winter, 20 below....So I put it back.

On our way to Khols I noticed this store sign.

Ain't it the truth!

Slippery Road Driving Skills Needed

This barn is located at one end of our road. At least once a year my husband drives his truck into it when the road is slippery. Luckily he doesn't do any damage, to the barn or himself, because the snowbank usually slows him down.


That's all I got today. I am heading out the door with E for a fun day of shopping out of state in a real mall. I will catch up on reading tomorrow. I apologize for any misspelled or confusing comments I may have left last night. I had about 4 hours sleep and no nap! Have a nice Saturday.

Harry and Hairy

I really hope I don't forget to post one day in November, here is my first Nablopomo post.

I hope everyone had a great Halloween. We had wonderful warm weather, perfect for trick-or-treating. We drove to a friends house from then next town over, because if we stayed in our town we would have to drive from house to house. Some do that, but I love to walk house to house especially in great weather.

Our friends dressed up as Dog the Bounty Hunter and a Voodoo Mama complete with Voodoo dolls and pins. E and I dressed up as Hippies, T was the cutest Harry Potter EVER, and Hus refused to dress up, as usual. My husband didn't have a great experience with Halloween growing up. He lived in the country, the baby of 6 kids, his mom didn't drive and his dad was too busy (drinking) to drive him. He said his older brothers and sisters took him into town once but that was it. I am glad he is wiling to come with us trick-or-treating and aside from refusing to wear a costume, he was in good spirits last night.

I have to say that the candy wasn't great, we mostly got Smarties and Tootsie Rolls, very little chocolate. WTH! Not one Snickers mini or Three Musketeer, my favorites. I guess that could also be considered good, because all the less for mama to eat.

One of the houses that always goes to the extreme of decorating and partying on Halloween was serving some adult treats besides candy. They had Jello shots and chili! I missed those because T was too scared to go to that house. They had a fake autopsy happening on the picnic table and smoke machines. He also freaked just a little when kids or adults had on scary masks, and would stand behind me for protection. I probably would have declined the Jello because even though there was little traffic in the streets I had to keep my wits about me and make sure the little ones didn't run into the road without looking.

My hus usually says "no" when I ask if I can post pics of the kids. I asked about the following pic and he said "OK". Maybe he got sick of me asking or he thought the costumes made the kids unrecognizable. I might remove them tomorrow. So look while you can. He had noooo problem showing my hairy hippie leg!

Mama's Hairy Hippie Leg

Harry and Hippie

Happy Halloween

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Happy Halloween!

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Straggler

This Maple tree always changes color later than most. It is actually a few days past it's fall peak in this picture but I still think it looks pretty. That's my land on the left and my house is just up that road on the left.

Does anyone know why for the last few years I haven't been able to find the Halloween Mix of candy corn. It had the chocolate cats in it. Did they stop making it? I can only find the Autumn Mix which has pumpkins but no cats. The cats were my favorite.

Mr. Lover

I was doing my usual chores in the kitchen one morning, when I heard singing coming from the next room. I peeked around the corner and caught T singing and banging on his toy drum. I listened unnoticed for a few minutes and this is what I heard...

T: (In a slightly Jamaican accent) Ladies lift your glasses, I know what you need....SHAGGY!

(bangs on his drum) (continues singing) They don't call me Mr. Lover because I like ice cream, they call me Mr. Lover because ... I like ice cream (actual lyrics=fulfill dreams)

Mama: What ya doin bud?

T: Singing mama. Shaggy is nice.

Mama: Oh, yah, why?

T: Because he really likes ladies and gives them what they need.

Mama: What do the ladies need?

T: (long pause) ICE CREAM!

Probably not what Shaggy is singing about giving the ladies, but I didn't correct him. He is only 4 after all. And as far as music choice, I love Shaggy, he is all about the ladies. He sings about loving your mother, God being a woman, staying in school, not doing drugs and not joining gangs. If T learns these things from Shaggy plus what Shaggy really means by giving a woman what she needs, what's the harm?

I haven't shown pictures of the back of my kids in a while so here is a picture of T's head. My hus still doesn't want photos on the Internet of our children's faces, so I still respect that.

T's Swirly

My Jewishness-ness

I was going to post some cute pictures on my blog today and had already started to write, but Blogger doesn't seem to want to let me put pictures up. Hopefully, this problem will be resolved soon.

I decided to write a little more related to my last post. The thing is, I wrote that I had given up on being Jewish period and I realized the day before yesterday, that this is not entirely true.
That evening, I was home cooking dinner for the fam, I was making home made Chicken and Matzo Ball soup, and it suddenly dawned on me. I was making home made Chicken and Matzo Ball soup! Well, if that's not Jewish....

My point is that, I love my home made Chicken soup, because it is damn good! Then I realized I make many really tasty Jewish foods, Noodle Kugel, Mock Potato Knishes, Potato Latkes (pancakes), Fried Matzo and more. I am not giving these Delicious foods up. These recipes are MINE, Jewish or not, I taught them to myself, LOOSELY basing them on the recipes of my grandmother, being that I rarely watched her cook, and recipes I found on-line or in cookbooks.

I also plan on lighting the Menorah candles during Hanukkah, but I also plan on decorating for Christmas. I love Christmas time, and even growing up Jewish I always felt it was a magical time, a time for giving and spending time with family. By family, I mean my husband and kids. Spending time with anyone else in my family is definitely not magical! I should probably try and learn more about Kwanzaa so we can celebrate that too. Plus I love decorating for holidays,putting up pretty garland, decorating the tree etc. There are not many Hanukkah decorations out there and Santa doesn't come to Jewish kids houses!

So I guess even if I try to deny it, Judaism will always be at least a tiny part of me. Along with my own traditions that I started with my family. Like celebrating many holidays and trying to be good people.

Before I publish, I also want to ask if any of you are joining Nablopomo and blogging every day in November? Come on, it will be fun, stressful but fun. Let me know if you are planning on joining. I need more Friends!

Do I Look Familiar Pt. 3

How scary, I mean sweet is this picture? A lovely Jewish family celebrating Hanukkah. UGH! That's me standing up holding the yarmulke beanie on my head. The woman with her arm around me is my grandmother who passed away 6 years ago.
For those new to my blog these "Do I Look Familiar?" posts are about my adoption and my slow and hesitant search for my birth family.
My adopted parents told me many different stories regarding my history. The stories changed through the years until I eventually found out the truth that they didn't really know any of my history. I picked this picture today because I wanted to talk about religion, just a little, nothing controversial, just my thoughts.
My adoptive mom (a-mom for short) first told me that my birth mother was Jewish and so I was "automatically Jewish". This of course was not true. Later, my a-mom told me that because she was Jewish, that meant I was "automatically Jewish". I am sure she really wanted to believe this, but again, this was not true.
I found out a few years ago what the true story was. I was not born Jewish and no one had any idea what religion I was. Actually, they might know but claim not to. Because of this, I had to be converted when I was a baby. An aunt told me that my great-grandfather took me all by himself to his Temple and had me converted. He was in his 80's when I was born so it must have been an interesting trip for me.
I've always thought of myself as being a sort of black sheep in the family (My cousin M might disagree, as he thinks he is). I felt that I was different from my family and just never fit in. The Jewish thing is just one reason. No matter how much I tried to feel connected with my Jewish heritage, I never really did. Well, I did for a long time feel a connection to Jews in history. The persecution for example, I was also persecuted for being Jewish. Of course there were other reasons I was picked on, mostly because I was shy and people thought I was stuck-up. And, the Jewish kids were the worst offenders, I hated going to Hebrew School. I knew kids would be mean to me and I knew the teachers wouldn't do anything about it.
I went through a time when my grandmother(pictured) was dying and I thought I felt a connection to her and to Judaism. I even tried to incorporate some traditions in my daily family life. I joined the Jewish Temple, the only one in the area, so E could go to Sunday school and my hus and I could meet some adults. My hus is not Jewish but since he is the best nicest guy in the world he hesitantly agreed.
BAD IDEA! It was horrible, not right away, but a few months into our membership. I found the other couples cold and unfriendly. I started to feel the same dread when I would bring E to Sunday school. Finally I realized, WTF am I doing? How can I feel connected to a religion where most of the people I meet are mean!? After that experience along with a lifetime of feeling like I am mistreated and don't fit in, I gave up on being Jewish, period.
The point, of which I am writing this long winded post is that I just wonder what religion I was born. Right now I consider myself non-religious, maybe atheist, maybe not. Why can't just being a good person be enough? I think it is. I would love to find out I am Irish Catholic or something opposite of Jewish, just to horrify my family!
The ironic thing is that the best friends I have ever had were met in public school and they were Jewish! But not the "I go to Temple every week" Jew, Jews like me, just good people.

As an update to my actual search. I sent in my registration to the state of New York where I was born and they sent it back saying they can't help me because I was not adopted in NY. I also sent in my registration to ISRR and it's been weeks and I haven't heard other that that they got my paperwork. So it's not looking good. My next step will be to hire a lawyer and try to get my files opened. I will keep you all posted when I do this.

Cry For Me

Because I want to cry. The satellite installer guy just left. I am not going to be able to get satellite Internet. Seems there is a small forest standing in the way. The guy said I would have to cut down at least 5 or 6 very large trees and a huge amount of brush and then he could come back and try again.
One day, when I have had my fill of loading....loading....loading....I might just do that. I know we have a chainsaw somewhere around here...


UPDATE: OK I am done feeling sorry for myself, it is hard to feel sorry for yourself about Internet service when there are other more terrible, awful things happening in the world to feel bad about. I will just have to deal or maybe occasionally try the library.

Living Room Part 1

Portrait Silhouettes

I have been redecorating my living room for about 4 months now. I had in mind to do country style, as it would fit nicely within my log cabin country home. Somehow, I got no where near country. I had an open mind when I started and I just let the ideas flow one into another. I started with a new sea foam green couch, then painted the walls antique Violet, tan and the trim (when I actually get around to painting it) will be off-white.

I will show pictures of the room as a whole when it is done. For now I am just going to share some of the artwork I made for the walls. I tend to do a lot of painting when I decorate. It's cheap and can be used on almost anything. I have a painted rug on the floor, painted doors on my TV stand, a painted antique chest etc. I also tend to use a lot of color. Having lived in a log cabin with log interior, before we added on to the house, I got sick of the dark and brown interior.

I saw these old style silhouettes on a design show recently and thought, huh, those would look good on this part of the wall. One day, while T was watercolor painting, I made these. They were made from photos, cut out then painted. Arthur's profile needs retouching as you can see. I plan on matting them. The background paper is sea foam green and the silhouettes are dark purple, which is hard to tell here.

T Profile

E Profile

Arthur Profile

Cokee Profile

I had one of these done professionally when I was a kid. Here is an interesting history of the Silhouette Portrait.

It's Finally Here!

No, not my Satellite Internet service, PREMIERE WEEK! Every Fall I get soooo excited about premiere week. Ooh the never ending possibilities, ooh the wide eyed wonderment, ooh the naive hopefulness that one day there will be a remake of The Bionic Woman! Ohh, that's not it though, this year I am also doubly thrilled that someone very creative out there has decided to make a show about a crime fighting police officer VAMPIRE! I can ask for nothing more, my dreams are fulfilled.
Well, I could ask for more free time to watch all my favorite shows. I made up a tentative schedule just for this week and it is not looking good. And no I don't have TIVO, I do have a working VCR though, and East and West coast channels through Direct TV. I would get TIVO, but I think I would just end up with the same problem I run into with my VCR. I end up with 2 or more tapes full of shows and I can never catch up. UGH!
If I didn't have to work 3 evenings a week, if I didn't have kids and if I didn't like reading so much, I might have time to really enjoy all my shows.

Here is my tentative schedule for this week:

Key: Old favorites, new soon to be favorites

Monday 9/24 8pm 'How I Met Your Mother', 9pm 'Two and a Half Men', 10pm Journeyman, 1am CSI Miami(tape it)
Tuesday 9/25 Work, Tape the following shows 11pm 'Bones', 12am 'House', watch 1am 'Law and Order SVU'
Wednesday 9/26 8pm watch or tape 'Kid Nation', 9pm 'Bionic Woman', 10pm 'CSI New York', tape 12am 'Criminal Minds'
Thursday 9/27 9pm 'CSI', 10pm 'ER'
Friday 9/28 Work, Tape the following 12am 'Moonlight', watch 1am 'Numbers'

This does not include any new shows on other networks like Bravo's 'Top Design' or any cooking shows( I learned 10 different ways to make macaroni and cheese the other night-priceless).

I Did It, Drama Queen and Bad Mama

I Did It!
I finally ordered Satellite Internet service. It will be delivered and hooked up October 6Th. It was $100 cheaper than what I was quoted when I first inquired and $10 cheaper per month. Wow, I should have played the lottery yesterday too. So look out all you in blogger land, Mama will be visiting more often as I hope it will not take me 10 minutes for each blog. Maybe I will even put a video on my blog. I will also, I mean my kids will also be able to play with their Webkinz now.

Drama Queen
My daughter joined drama for the first time this year. She is in fourth grade and hasn't shown much interest until now. She missed the first class, which by the way are held from 6:30AM-8:00AM Tuesdays and Thursdays, because of my failure to take her to sign up, therefore not knowing when the first class was. Well, she didn't get a part when they were handed out on the second class. She was really upset, called me at work crying and distraught like the world was going to end. I offered my condolences and told her to not give up, if she wanted a part she should show her dedication by showing up each class and get involved somehow with the production. And I also told her that surely someone will drop out when they discover they can't handle showing up for school at 6:30. Sure enough a couple classes later, 2 kids dropped out, 1 of which had a part and the teacher gave it to E! She again called me at work and was so excited, I was sure she must have gotten the lead. Not the lead but a part none the less. She has one line "That's a wrap!" . I am very excited for her. What is also exciting for E is that the play will be performed at a real Theatre, as opposed to the school gym. The teacher promised parts for everyone in the next play to be held at the end of the year in the gym. I am proud of her for sticking to it.

Bad Mama
My husband came home unexpectedly from work one morning because he forgot some tools. I apparently was asleep in the bedroom and didn't hear him come inside the house. T was awake and up out of bed, which I knew because he wakes me when he gets up and keeps waking me about every 5 minutes if I fall back asleep. He says "I don't see you walking". Anyways my hus came in and gave T breakfast and then left. When I called him that afternoon he told me what he did and he accused me of leaving T all alone. I did work the night before and didn't get to bed until 2AM. It takes me all I have to get out of bed sometimes, so on the days my hus takes E to drama on his way to work I usually sleep until T wakes me. Well, I felt guilty, what kind of mother leaves their 4 year old unattended (in the next room) while they sleep? So after I hung up with my hus I thought about it for a few minutes and called him back and turned things around. "What if I had a stroke or heart attack and was just lying in bed unconscious or I was dead and you left me there all day?" My hus said "Oh yeah, I didn't think of that" and I said, "what about you falling asleep on the couch while the kids are awake, a bomb could go off and it wouldn't wake you" and he said "I don't sleep on the couch" HA!

Satellite Internet

I am going to do it. Next Thursday, payday, I am going to order Satellite Internet service. It's the only high speed Internet available in my area. I have put it off because of the expense, I didn't want to take the money from savings so I have been slowly saving up for it. The monthly cost will only be around $25 a month more but the initial cost will be around $300. I am a part time nurse so must save for anything that expensive and I am not a charging kind of person. Well, just a little.
The phone company is promising DSL to 90% of Vermont by 2010. I can't wait that long, I am going insane with this slow dial-up. Loading, loading,loading,loading........2hours later.....loading...You get my drift. And I am sure I will be in the 10% of Vermonters who never have it available!
I would like to know if any of you have Satellite Internet or know of anyone who has it and what you/they think of it.
Thanks

Nine Going on Fifteen

What happened to my sweet little baby girl? The one who used to like to wear pretty dresses and let me do her hair? The one who used to come running to me when I would pick her up from pre-school? The one who would talk for hours non-stop? So much so that I would have to ask her, beg her for some quiet time. She's still there, I know she is, living somewhere perhaps not so deep inside my sweet big girl or trapped in the pages of my scrapbooks. She's the one who won't wear dresses or let me do her hair and now who now gives me attitude instead of kisses when she comes home from school. The one who keeps secrets from me because she shares them with her girlfriend instead. Sometimes, especially right before falling asleep at night, that little girl returns. Maybe it's because she's tired she lets her guard down, or maybe because at this time I can really focus and listen to her and her alone, that at night sometimes she comes back to me.

She is a big girl now, all of 9 years old, going on 15. She used to have pictures of kitty's on her wall and hearts and frilly little girl things. She couldn't go to sleep without her ballerina music box playing. Now she begs to stay up later so she can watch another teeny bopper show and her walls are covered with posters of her favorite idols. She has a best girlfriend who she talks to on the phone about school and TV shows and whatever 9 year old girls talk about everyday. She even went to her first real teeny bopper concert a few weeks ago.

E tries to be a good girl and I try to be a good mom, but it's not easy. We can become easily frustrated with each other and while I am supposed to be the adult, sometimes she can bring me down to her level without much effort. I try to empathize by remembering how hard it can be for a kid, all the pressure of schoolwork, relationships and especially new feelings, body changes, bullies and extra curricular activities can make them tired and decrease their ability to control themselves. Same goes for mama's, especially the tired part. I yell a lot more when I am tired, it only makes sense.

The pictures above were taken of E's bedroom when it was in the loft. We recently had to move her to a room closer to our bedroom because she "can't sleep soo far away" from us. I guess she is not such a big girl after all.

Just for fun, and because I like flashbacks, here are some of mama's teen idols.

The Good,the Bad and the Ugly...Hair Pt7 Finale

When I was 17, I moved from Massachusetts to California with my friend Stefanie. She was from LA so she wanted to move back. I went with her to keep her company and because I thought that if I stayed home with my parents I was sure the CRAZY would suck my soul away and I would lose my mind.
Stef did her best to keep the crazy away from me. However, being that I was a teenager without any goals at the time, a different kind of crazy found me. I could write several pages on the short time I spent in California, but this is a hair post. Maybe I will write more about those days another time.

This is no faux-hawk this is the real thing people. I would shave my head Friday nights after work and by Monday it would look like this. On weekends I frequented a club called Fenders , somewhere in Los Angeles,where they had local punk bands play. I also went into the Pit once to slam dance. Only once because at the time I weighed under 100lbs and kept getting knocked over. The people in the pit were nice enough to pick me up, but I was scared I might actually get injured.
Well, now you know my favorite hairdo of all time. I also still love punk rock music. Maybe one day I will give myself another Mohawk.

"I'm not crazy...institution... your the one that's crazy...institution!"...Suicidal Tendencies

The Good,the Bad and the Ugly...Hair Pt6

I have posted everyday for 6 days and I have one more hairdo surprise for tomorrow. It has been fun, but I will probably have to go back to just once a week posting. We will see.

This funky flip hairdo is apparently from 1983 which is time stamped in the corner of the right picture. Of course it is a bad replication of the famous Farrah Fawcett flip. I used to love Charlie's Angels.

These pictures were taken while I was on a trip to Texas visiting family. I wasn't really drinking beer. And that is the one and only time I ever wore a cowboy hat.

I just noticed the tie which was made up of different color ribbon like strings tied together. Anyone remember those?

Oh, and how many of you had braces? I had to wear the ridiculous headgear prior to having mine. What a Dork, E would say. When they finally were taken off I was supposed to wear a retainer. I didn't like that at all. Once on another family vacation to Florida, I left it in the hotel room hidden under the mattress. OOPs. Too late to go back when I finally admitted I had "forgotten it" half-way home!

The Good,the Bad and the Ugly...Hair Pt5

I have always liked this picture of me. I would of course like it better if my hair wasn't 2feet tall. And it is quite frizzy. My hairstyle these days is pretty similar only much less tall and much healthier.

I think I made a mistake when I wrote that the first hairdo I posted was from the late '80's. This in fact was my hair in the late '80's. The other was a few years later. I remember having this and other black and white photos taken of me by a friend who was taking a photography course. I was majoring in fine art. I wanted to be an artist, painter, sculpter etc. But after I graduated changed my mind. Mostly because I just didn't think I was good enough. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. Now I just mostly do crafty things and I am good at that.

Recent conversation with my husband regarding this photo:

Hus: "Are you going to put that picture out?"(I was holding it and also a frame)
Me: "Yeah, why? You don't like it?"
Hus: "It's a bit scary"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Hus: "Your hair"
Me: "When I first showed you this picture many years ago, you said I look pretty, so if you say I look pretty in a new photo, maybe your just saying that?"
Hus: "Of course I think you are pretty, I think your beautiful, I love you"
Me: "Alrighty then"

He can really turn things around, can't he? Pretty slick.

The Good,the Bad and the Ugly...Hair Pt4

I really am hesitant to post this picture. I am not sure why it bothers me more than the rest. Maybe because it is the most recent (7 years ago) one I have posted. And I think I should have known better. Confession: Sometimes I cut my bangs TOO short! And WTF? Is that a SKORT? (Hey that sounded like a Dr Seuss Rhyme) What was I thinking. I guess I was going through a "I want to look like a normal clean cut mama"? And it's any ones guess what color that is. Loreal #24,357,890,787.54?

Sorry I can't show my little mini-me. Hus would be upset. She also has bangs which are too short and also crooked, but her natural color. I think she is around 2years old in this picture. I was doing Weight Watchers at the time and had lost most of my E weight. I had gained 10 back by the time I got preggo with T. And I am not saying how much I gained while pregnant and that I still haven't lost it! Needless to say, this may be the most recent picture you see until I join WW again...

Or let my bangs grow.

The Good,the Bad and the Ugly...Hair Pt.3

Quick post tonight as I just got home from work and I am really fucking tired! We were busy all night and I had no free time to email or blog.
Woo Hoo, a double theme tonight! Bad hair and a bad dance recital costume. Tell me everyone has had this haircut, please. Named after the famous ice skater, who it actually looked good on. The Dorothy Hamill. YOU know you had this one.
I have only had my hair short (above my shoulders) three times in my life and this is one of those unfortunate times. My face is not right with this or any other short style. Even if it was a better rendition of the cut.
I danced for almost 10 years. I took tap, jazz and ballet. I was, and still am, slightly good at tap, but I am horrible at ballet. I don't want to write about how I am at jazz. I always liked to dance but hated the recitals. I still plan on someday taking tap again, but no recital.
My mom had these yearly pictures taken of me in my costumes. She framed them and hung them along our hallway. As soon as I started dating, probably before the first date picked me up, I took them all down and refused to let her put them back . Who would not have been embarrassed? I suppose E will make me take down her dance pictures one day...

I also remember one of my friends mom commenting that I had short legs. What a BITCH! My legs got much longer and really they ended up my best feature, I mean besides my hair.

The Good,the Bad and the Ugly...Hair? Pt.2

Wow, mama is posting two days in a row, this is a first. Apparently my hair troubles started at an early age. I used to stay overnight with my grandma sometimes when I was little. She told me that once she had to call my mom and have her come and get me early. She was forced to do this because I would not let her comb the snarls out of my hair. Heavens forbid she should take me out in public with my hair looking like this.

I really don't blame my grandma for being so impatient with me. There have been plenty of times I wanted to smack E over the head with the brush while while attempting to de-tangle her mop.

Nice pleather couch huh?

The Good,the Bad and the Ugly...Hair? Pt. 1

I have been reminded once again by Lainey-Paney that it has been over 20 days since my last post. I was going to wait until both kids were back in school to start blogging weekly again but decided to just do a short one tonight. I have been feeling way too stressed lately to blog and thought one less thing on my mind would help. Of course I still thought of blogging everyday, but didn't feel pressure to post something. Even now as I am just trying to do a short non-substantial post, my 4 year old son keeps trying to get my attention, which is very distracting. By the time my kids go to bed I am too tired to write. Anyways, I hope to get back into weekly posting when T starts his second year of preschool next Wednesday!


I have been thinking about doing a post on all of my ridiculous hairdos throughout my life. However, I have had too many bad hairdos to only post once, so I decided to do one at a time. This first one is from the really early '90's if not late '80's. I hope you all get a good laugh. Maybe I will even eventually show a recent picture. I am not planning on doing pictures in any certain order. This one was picked out by E for tonight's post. She said "WOW, you had a really small waist". Had being the operative word.



I have a lot of pictures where my hair is swept back away from one side. WTF? Did I sleep on that side and just leave it? How about those shoulder pads? And we mustn't ignore the heavy eye brows.
Also just an FYI, my dad still has the same couch! He upgrades his computers and other electronics at least yearly but still has the same furniture. Yikes.

Mama's Music

CD's currently in my car.
In no particular order.



Ramones-Loud, Fast

Godsmack-Awake

David Bowie-Lets Dance

Green Day-American Idiot

Joan Jett and the Blackhearts-Fit to be Tied

Linkin Park-Hybrid Theory

Barry Manilow-Ultimate Manilow

Kiss-The Very Best Of

ELO-Greatest Hits

Cars-Movie Soundtrack(kids)

Counting Crows-August and Everything After

Social Distortion-Social Distortion



Eclectic? Weird?

I was cleaning out my car today and thought I should share a bit of me.
My radio station is http://WEQX.com you can listen online.
That's all Mama has time for this week. I have been busy redecorating and moving E's room. Will post about it and share pictures as soon as I am done.

Strange Summer Days

I thought that summer would be a time for sleeping late,relaxing and having fun. I even posted earlier that I was thinking about decreasing my anti-anxiety and insomnia meds. I was soooo wrong. I have been able at times to sleep later, but that's it. Everyday I have been dealing with kids that can't get along. They constantly yell at each other and threaten bodily harm. Of course at times actually harming one another! It's all Mama Mama Mama Look at Meeee Look at Mmmeeeeee! I don't want to look at them all the time. Some days I don't care about seeing their coloring projects or see T jump on one foot. I just want to be left alone for just a few damn minutes. One day I heard both of them screaming from outside. I went out to see what the fucking problem was now. I found T swinging a wooden croquet mallet at E because he thought it was his turn to swing on the tire swing. YIKES!

It seems my anxiety has been steadily increasing with each passing minute I have to spend with these demon children. On some days, by 11 am even, I was already tearing through my medicine cabinet in search of anything that might help my nerves. One day I took an Ativan meant for my dentist appointment, one day I found an old Darvocet. Do I have to become a drug addict in order to deal with my kids. I just can't handle the noise, yelling, petty jealousies and constant need for attention most days. Finally, having no more meds hidden away, I resorted to separating them at the first sign of bickering. That did help a little. I also made an appointment to see my doctor to update my meds....

Then, Monday came and E started her week of Girl Scout day camp. Wow, what a difference in the home atmosphere. T and I had a wonderful quiet day together. No yelling, fighting and he even was able to entertain himself for over and hour with his cars. I asked him to come swimming with me and he said "not now, I am playing with my cars". Really? He, at this very moment, on this now Thursday day 4 of E being away, is playing by himself with his Tinker Toys. I even WANT to go play with him.

It is not all E's fault and I don't want you to think that I blame it on her alone. Even though she can be a real bitch for a 9 year old. T turns into an annoying little brother when she is around, and she doesn't for the most part want to be near him.

While T and I were hanging around outside on Monday we noticed this strange flying insect on our flowers we have never seen before. I looked it up and I think it is a Hummingbird Moth. It is just slightly larger than a bumblebee with wings that work like a Hummingbirds. It is very pretty and it wasn't bothered by me shoving the camera at it for a close shot. It has come back to these same flowers everyday since.

I have no idea what the flowers are called. I just named them Paisley because of their shape. Maybe one of you know?

Pretty Paisley Flowers

Pretty Hummingbird Moth on Pretty Paisley Flowers